nice friday!

sometimes, i would have this... urge... to force myself into someone's life.
the urge could go so strong, i actually start to plan how can i do that.
the plan could be so brilliant, it actually worked.
the plan worked flawlessly, the victim would be too dependent on me, emotionally at most.

but then again, after awhile, after i'm bored, i just lose interest and move on while totally ignoring the other party.
worse would be when the other party ignores me.

i am a sore loser.
and with almost luckless life, i end up being a really sore loser, loser. (not really good with taking revenge anyway.)
sometimes it makes me suicidal.
rarely homicidal.
though most of the time it's just plain, bad mood.
i start to withdraw myself from people.
i start to despise those around me.
despise those with a much more radiant, fun social life.
and yet i do not embrace those with the same fate as me but instead, use them as emotional leverage.
i end up alone, yet content.

when the interest sparks again, i end up lonely but craving.
and back to first step, the cycle continues on.
i know how to break the cycle but it just plain bothersome and too much work.

ok. actually, there are more than on way to do that and one of the least resistance and works would be ignoring people altogether.
changing how I view people is MUCH easier than changing how OTHER people view me.
the problem with this method is those other just won't go away by themselves and definitely won't ignore me.
means the cycle would reenact from time to time.

at least i am less sour the next day.

p.s: please stop taking pictures of me unless you could make me look good in one. thank you! ^_^*