shits happen

a girl died today.

no. i don't know any bit about her except that the possibility that i might have met her and said,
"meh"


CO poisoning.
bloody hell? that thing don't kill you at the moment of contact for fuck sake.
it needs time to take effect on ALL the blood cells and then the brain.
i don't know how fast she died but from things i've heard, seems like she took 1 hour to go brain dead and dead.
kinda fast. that would means like, LOADS of CO.
faulty gas water heater. you would need a really faulty one and to not realize that in time would be like, what? (though she could have fainted from a fall or something but to fall and faint would means a lot of noise generated that could alert SOMEBODY. or maybe her house is THAT BIG that everyone's room is A MILE from each other or something. whatever.)

no i posted this out of a sudden not because i cared much.
electrical heater ftw! (inb4blownupheater. fuck. i could have faced death's fingers a couple of times from those electrical shocks i got switching off the mofo.)
it just that, shits happen.

and to think it was someone that was this close (haha yeah, some random girl being in the same year and was in 1 section before mine that i could have met her in person but just couldn't bother to remember is close enough.) to die just like that seems really REALLY intimidating.
ok not really. couldb't bother to suddenly relate myself to some random girl just because she died..
fact is, her house was just a few blocks from mine! less than a mile, a death happens! THE HORROR!!! O_O

and here i am, messing with things rather than study for tomorrow's exam while other people were at some places praying for her soul.
i would be surprised if there was anyone who would baca tahlil for me if i died.
heck, anyone knowing me dead would have been good enough already.

hell, it makes me wonder, how does it feel like, to die?
personally, i would say, "lucky her".
she died in her sleep. painless.
except maybe for the place. could have been better. (toilet? seriously?)

if someone else's freak accident could make me feel like this, i don't really want to imagine how would it feel to actually make someone die by any of my incompetence later if i managed to be a doctor.

and wow did she done miracles, exam got postpo-
what the fuck man?!... should have been more SENSITIVE about this.

al-fatihah to her anyway. or whatever.

OBJECTION!!!

they say innocent until proven guilty.
how i wish that was true. well, at least in the courts when there are no dirty plays.
my life fact. the moment i am accused,i am guilty and evidence WILL be MADE for it.

some dude said i'm using maphack in games. they just look at replay, point out some random shit i did and there, i'm a maphacker. learn2mapawareness numbskulls.

someone came at me out of no where. "yo! bu-"
"kau tau tak menghampiri zina tu berdosa?"
what?
point out how i am suddenly a liltle friendly with some girl and there i am. ready to get stoned.

they came up invading my privacy. didn't even wake me up.
"aku rasa dia guna netcut. spotcheck computer dia jom."
hell yeah they just THOUGHT i'm cutting off their internet and suddenly search warrant granted.

doing my usual, jamming noises in my ear staring nowhere apparently.
pop out in front of me. 2 minutes later, "apa pandang-pandang?!"
restriction order. i've been served.

ok i admit i was guilty in some cases. never caught red handed but some people have the ability to bring a can full of red BULLSHIT, splat it on my hand with a brush of IGNORANCE and bam!
guilty court dismissed.

defense? either i am too cheapskate to pay a lawyer over some troubled asshats or situations just deemed any resistance is futile. the juries aka mobs around would just overrule any shred of truth, or lies,  in my attempts with some retorts of proofs coming out of nowhere, it makes me feel like life has just went full retard.
the judge? they are the prosecutor. :/

fuck you people with your ridiculous, barely based accusations and prejudice.

macam tak

wait what?
i seriously have to stop falling head over heel just because of a girl.
i admit i do get clingy over some of the girls i've met. (yep. not even dating yet.)
hell, even stalking.
ok. not exactly stalking la. i don't actively stalk a girl. i just can't stop myself from looking at that cute girl i fell for whenever she's in my sight.
i don't know why. maybe it's just i have nothing much to do.
maybe i'm just some impulsive jerk that has almost no self control.


fuck this. i'm going to continue writing this post later when i am done self loathing.
have a fucking nice day.


 8 jan:
fucking 1 more days to study anatomy.
hypothesis confirmed, i am a lazy arse with no self control.
i can't bring myself to resist any temptation.
be it girls or random pool of knowledge in the internet.
i can't even try to finish up 1 book of neuroanatomy without falling asleep to tiesto a couple times in the span of 5 hours.
hell!!! i could finish revise this shit within 6 hour if i can muster up the will to fight the urge.

"ala... kalau ada awek study skali mesti boleh kan?"

fuck you!!! you don't have any and you wouldn't get any for quite a long time numbskull!!!
god why am i being fitted into this pathetic, impulsive, lazy son of a bitch???!!
i could already dominate half of the internet and quarter of real life if i had some other more competent guy!! GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHAT DID I DO IN MY PAST THAT I'M BEING PUNISHED THIS WAY!!!!?????!!!!!1111111

"ok chill. i'll get to

STFU MOTHERFUCKER AND JUST READ THE BOO

boleh tak?

as much as i hate having to deal with constant effort of holding on to a relationship, sometimes, i missed for someone cute to pester me with some of that emotional (and sexual) goodness.

like,
"i got my guitar!"
"look! new dress!"
"made cookies! sedap tak?"

ok i lied. the first one was from this:



first 25 seconds. FUCKING CUTE. you can ignore her minirants. i did.

it has been a while...
being in secondary school means most of those annoying gentlemen bullshit in dating doesn't really applied to me.
bored? stop layan the girl and she'll break up herself. and later somebody else would confess.
didn't get the message, i'll do it myself then. i can entertain a girl but not too long. too much work.

no i don't really regret not having enough of those good times. just missed them a bit sometimes.
life was really easy back then. and here i thought uni wouldn't be too different.
big mistake.

now i have to endure another 6 years (3 more to go if i STUDY LA BABI MICROB ESOK hard enough) of academic life without the slackness of lower education.

fuck my life.
wish i could just be some gram+ bacteria, form spores and lay dormant till i get the fun of killing some poor sud.

or turn back 16.


and i really need to save up money to buy that pocket vidcam. yes die-chan. you're going to my face soon (or later :P) .