what the fuck?!

what is this damn thing that's holding me back?
16th huh?
damn long nak tunggu.


btw, diachan. noticed the new label?
shut the fuck up. i wrote that one with head full of confidence, expectation and romance.


ok fine. i am not really the organized type but i do have a sense of neatness.
how i wish you could tag the rest of my posts for me.
hey. that supposed to be your part of the work.
mine? figuring out how to make it show itself. fucking template...
made it~




edit:
ARGGHHH!!!
why did you play along???






*sigh*
well, i think it's kinda ok to make it like that.
kakak...



>.<

FM

it has been a really long time since i've enjoyed a day of some casual radio listening.
now when was the last time... ah.
form 4.

you know, being hit by random songs, try to hear to songs and realized can't forward or rewind.
and the radio's djs, those people who phone in for whatever games/programs,
it's really fun.
and idly watching sagwa jumping around, lazing besides me,

^_^

half-answered prayers

result is out.
1 fail. biochemistry. :(


IT'S NOT THAT I"VE BEEN EXPECTING IT. K.
i've tried, but it seems not enough.
at least i pass anatomy.
actually, just failing 1 subjects already gave me high hopes.
it doesn't seems that hard. i just need to revise every week. once a week.
and cut procrastinations when time is dire. (exams...)
don't skip lectures, and attend every practical classes.
maybe get a study girlfriend? (though i have doubts on this one. :P)

but still, 1 repeat.
kena balik awal la nampaknya... >.>



oh shit
how do i break the news to my parents?

resist temptations

most of the time, i'll try to not discuss about religion.
especially mine where just a liltle bit of misrecall would call upon the wrath of a thousands OVERZEALOUS ZEALOTS, and just because i'm not really good at it. (more like disinterest. >.>)

just now, i'm about to write something regarding what really makes me loose my fast.
and yet, after a lil lines of it, i chickened out.
it's not like i would have to worry about somebody reading it but just that the mind of mine acknowledge The Higher Power.
that, fear, is quite enough to prevent me from blatantly do things He don't want but yet, still a little shorthanded in making me do what He wants me to do. (yes. i could get flamed for this wordplay)

it makes me wonder though, why should i be afraid or feeling discomfort when i'm gonna do things that i like/want?
tick tock time flies by, "lambat lagi buka?",
is it because of the people i'm together with?
has to be it. u huh...
it's not like i'm looking for approval but it's just that i need them to not snapping at my back.
then i thought, why am i still with those bunch?
"because mom said so."
"alright, alright..."


yes i am one childish guy. partially immature. (psychologically)
i got mad at somebody who i assume tried to cheat his/her sex.
i felt like that girl is talking about me.
i bragged about those girls were checking me out.
i thought that everybody is a faker.
i can't drive the car without- i just still can't drive the car.
i take that the world is just as stupid as i am.
ok i'm kinda confused right now but, you get the point.


it has been strongly established in my head that my mom and dad are still the higher advisor of anything in my life.
yeah. 8 years of living apart but still can't shrug off the feeling of resent, defeat and submission whenever they scold me (that's me. still getting scoldings even at 21 years old).
i manage to express indifferent but deep inside, "sorry mom. promise won't happen again.".
i still get this obligatory feeling of asking for dad's permission whenever i want to buy something.
the fact that i can't drive cars well just makes me want to take that neighbor's kancil and....
i don't know, train? (as in training. not densu train. ya like anybody cares. -_-)
still yet, if i do drive well, thinking about directions and purposes of me steering the wheel is too bothersome. :P
hey, i still can make my own rational and right decisions. being independent and such.
cuma malas la...


but seriously, i really wish you were talking about me.
i guess not...

New makeover!

there dia-chan.
don't ever say that i never give you anything.
what? you don't like it?
too bad then. not listening~

how was the cats btw? i really hope you like em!
=3

just realized, lucky friday 13th!
sembahyang jumaat jom...

hari paling malang

that's just it.
ranting about it now just won't solve anything. i still missed my flight.
just hope i could wake up tomorrow and get the hell out of here without any hitch.

sometimes, it makes me wonder, do all bad things happened has their own purpose/hikmah/whatever?
they say heaven works in a mysterious way (ya ya kurafat) but it just makes me wonder, or grudge, it just want to screw me up.

right now, everything just goes wrong.
god please, ease my way to home.
(i just can't rely on myself when it comes to me)



you know what dia-chan, this is one of the time i wish you could talk to me.




EDIT: (9/8/10)

fine. i'll just write about yesterday anyway.
it's all start with an unproductive morning of 10am.
bangun2 je trus bukak starcraft 2.
finished the storyline and found it quite engaging. (notice that i didn't use "campaign mode" as that sounds just too geeky)
rolling through the credit, alt tabbed, LOLFUCK? 1pm!
have a quick shower, go to abid's house. and... guess what? we planned to kill a rat.
by drowning it.
in the sea.
fuck yeah!
and now, starts the downward luck spiral.
i was told to wait for about 15 minutes but end up as fucking 1 hour.
abid went somewhere else, left his keys to me and seconds later, BAM.
"we're sorry because couldn't reserve the hotel."
"it's okay" (lolwut? fucking kidding me?! fuck you.)
"we're sorry"
"no it's fine. i'm planning to explore that place anyway." (and getting fucking robbed by the janitor)
i was kinda dumbfucked by the long waiting, already drowsy and all, walked out the door.
a little feet away, as my sense grew alert, i was like, "damnit, where should i sleep tonight? sial la korang. kenapa aku tak bising tadi?"
i waited at abid's, thought he's already home. another half an hour.
had a stroll around the neighborhood looking for nuts and baraka. i've already gave up with the baraka search and even considered buyin a few bits from every pharmacy from abid's to mine.
but noooo. it seems like everybody just craved for cashews and pisstachios.
i decided to go home. left a message and walk away.
and another 3/4 hour of waiting the tram along with the usual OMG-SINI? stares.

life goes on. getting ready for my flight to doha on 830pm.
left the house all neat and tidy. (lol!)
6pm. and just lol-fucking-what TRAFFIC JAM IS EVERYWHERE.
arrived at the airport on 8pm.
and just my luck qatar airways seems to have a policy of closing the gate 1 hour before departure.
there you go.
DON"T FUCKING WRITE 8PM FOR DEPARTURE IF YOU WANT TO TAKE OFF ON 7 FOR FUCKING FUCK SAKE.
and yeah, walk out of the airport, sitting there like a dummy.
life just keep screwing with me but leaves me sprawling just before the extreme of the bad side so that i could taste every bit of tragedy happened. thank god i didn't get mugged.
met a group of ustazahs. just about to go home after seeing off a friend of theirs. (no jealousy there thank you. i'm kinda glad i'm alone. and no. i'm not being defensive.)
told my sad story in a somewhat sad but cool way.
"ish doktor ni relax je kalau kitorang dah menangis dah."
you just couldn't see my heart. lucky it's already dusk. they didn't see the beady eyes. :(
free transport back home~ (goddamn how i cursed and cursed but couldn't let them out in front of these good people)
and i kept wishing. like what i've done before edit.
this morning, thank god i managed to get the 12pm (11am) flight.
what a rush. i was in green plaza. rushed to camp caesar for my bags. waved down a taxi.
trimas pakcik teksi for understanding the whiff of desperation and fucking raced down to airport.
thank you good sir. (i payed 30EGP for the fare and said that as a tips but actually, i was more like, "here your jack-fucking-pot don't bother me with la'-40-pound bullshit coz I MIGHT MISS MY FLIGHT AGAIN thanks have a good day.")
thank god everything went on smooth and here i am in doha ranting. lucky there is free internet.


self counseling time~
well. thinking back, it just seems like i was paying a little bit less so i could pass the time safely in my room.
i would have to spend 20 hours from 0000 hour to 2030 hour in the airport.
i didn't and wouldn't get the transit accommodation anyway.
relax~
pity there is no girls involvement here.
pity... (ustazah2 tu x kira. they are good people la wei...)


and i've refrained myself from stalking you .
i miss y-

screw this!

i swear to god i'll never repeat any paper.
have mercy...

wtf all subjects are going to be repeated just 4 days after final exam with no gaps between subjects?
and not just written exams but together with practicals and orals.
it just looks like they in for the money. can't finish revision? carry!
don't forget to pay up~