nak tido

i don;t know if its some kind of depression attack or what but everything seems so boring and dull.
i don;t have any drive or motivation to do things i usually enjoy doing.

just feel like sleeping.
just sleep.
nothing else.
i don;t know about waking up, but i do sure feel like wanting to sleep.

and i don;t know if this is caused by me depriving myself of sleep or its really my head doing things.
or was it the winter?
or that orange lights?

what the hell. why bother thinking about all this?

bye

these, were the draft post i've made yesternight when the dudes who are in charge of my internet went full retard and shut it down for a full 24 hours. motherfucker...

it's the sleep deprivation.

all those while i am secluded from the internet, i resorted to musics. browsing my harddisk, stumbled into my ragnarok online folder.
/BGM, dub click some random tracks.
made me realize how i am actually kinda addicted to musics.
i don't really know how to describe this. once, whenever i listen to some tracks, i would get this nice, fuzzy, tingly sensation.
as if i was able to withdraw from reality and into my own fantasy.
now. i barely feel it.
all those time have made me wonder why that happens and so many theories i've came up with that seems like nonsense. then, i look to

fuck this shit. i'm not really in the mood of explaining science and shit.
tl;dw, i wish i am 12. at least 14 la.

my life sucks

in a good way!
thank you for all the craps being thrown and also,
the means to actually swallow all that without losing much of my sanity.

the week is not particularly shitty. it's just screwed a little bit more than my other weeks. particularly, today.
ok. it wasn't really a week already but it does feel like it. (gah fuck this shit. i can't seem to send my messages without getting all lengthy and redundant)

"oi bodo. esok ada 2 presentation!". well fuck me, ends up i was getting work up just to learn that only there was only one.

pharmacology assignment. bloody hell was that a close call. i freaking forgotten about it. wasted the whole week. nope that's not the whole crap. i've just lost any chance of giving off that alpha impression on that girl (yeah... another "that" girl huh? shut the fuck up).
details? i didn't realize that i was in charge for this assignment until they hollering my name and "assignment-pharma" together. that girl, already intimidating as she is, came to me and asking for it (her part of the assignment la). go figure. thank god prof is so nice to not blow off right there and then. he even cut out the works for me lol! being the lazy arse i am, i take that as second chance, acceptance, and a gift of God. thank god.

and you know what about community medicine?
it is boring. most of the time i can put up with the bad timing of the lectures. (nap time anybody?)
but not today fuckers. i skipped it.
badass? far from it. incomplete? more like incompetence and inferiority. wait wut? random huh?
yeap. fucking caffeine. whatever.
trodding the path to my home, oozing with guilt and beta-ness, hoping to find solace and comfort.
open the door. headed to toilet for that glorious relief.
AHAHAYOUFUCKINGKIDDINGME??!!!!!
takde air...
sial.

pissed off, had lunch of whatever i can stuff in my mouth without hands touching.
3 hours later, the tap still a fucking desert.
kacau...
whatever. went to sleep. no fuck was given.

woke up, 10pm.
there goes my workout and gainz for today.
and here i am ranting under caffeine crash.


all those time, i have my sanity in check by this;


doesn't wash off the can-i-die-yet? feelings but weirdly, i felt exceptionally happy and satisfied.
wish i could get my hand on some coke or weed tho...

just had a thought, i know recreational drugs are overrated bu-
i'll stop right about there. would be lying if i say i won't have any if

it's getting cold.
damn. were my hands always these big?

PUDDI PUDDI!!!!!!!

and FUCK tedata for blocking my porns!!!!!!!!!!