i wish that person you've mention could be me.
btw, you're actually kinda scary.
UGH... WTF?!
what am i doing posting this here instead of in her blog?
fine.
it's not like i don't have a thing for her but more like i am scared of the reaction i would get.
if she kind of approves, what should i do next?
if she disapproves, what would i do next?
uncertainty is horrifying yet it does give me some sort of, security?
i also want to say that not as zombie-me but more as me-me.
DONE labeling all those old posts (but with generic labellings :P).
and things were weird,pretty funny and a bit cool!
it was like, somebody else that wrote all those posts.
and some of them are pretty cool.
i can't believe that i've been through all that in just a year.
and i do feel kinda embarrassed reading some the posts.
some the posts just show how immature i am.
some depict how selfish.
some just plain stupid.
and i do feel kinda embarrassed reading some the posts.
some the posts just show how immature i am.
some depict how selfish.
some just plain stupid.
orga-wut?
organizing things is such a bitch but it does make things look neater in the long run.
maybe i should start using labels.
fine
i'll use it.
there are the dream diaries, the usual rants, the idle thoughts, the lame self-quotes, and some other things i'll make up later.
this post is actually about a lame self-quotes but turns out putting it there in the post title makes it look REALLY LAME, it makes me wonder how can i do it without making it looks... lame.
then again, i'll have to re-label every previous posts and change the blog appearance so i can fit in a label-thingie without making too much of a change. before that though, i have to google how to change the label-thingie so it doesn't actually read as 'labels'. have to think of some witty name so it fits with my zombie theme (why did i choose zombie in the first place anyway? btw, not really undead-gore-oh-so-scary-stuff at all. just an excuse on being boring without sounding like one). minor details minor details...
too much works i'll say.
Dream Diary 2
though this one, is more nightmarish.
not totally nightmare, but the state i'm in after that was totally like i've had one.
it was something like an imaginary life i've had.
a few facts about this imaginary world:
-LITTLE abstract reference to my actual life.
-more of a manifestation of my current mental and emotional state.
-the residents are always from my actual life but their role and identity may change (example, my liltle bro could be my classmate but i can't recognize him as my bro in the dreams. i only recognize him after i am awake).
-none of them have any name. i give them name after i'm awake just for easy reference and plot-lining. (i might have called their names in there but i've never remembered any of them in any of my dreams.)
-things happened in the dream were almost unrelated to my my life.
too long, didn't read (it's not that long anyway, though i might add something later), random.
back to topic, i assume i was in my late secondary school life (form 4 to be exact).
it seems i had just enrolled, or i would say, re-enrolled.
and more of my former classmates* had also re-enrolled.
* we were chosen, or we had chosen to go through a special program where after we were done, we could have something like a secured future. these former classmates of mine, we never had any kind of contact before we went into the program.
there were flashbacks of what had happen that caused me to resign from the program.
rough circumstances. i can't really describe the flashback for this one but at this moment, i felt a great despair. felt like there were big obstacles ahead. i swear i could feel my real body stomach churned all the time the flashback run.
another flashback occur, i had been repeating the same part of the program because i keep failing their tests.
in this one, i felt suicidal. losing hope. giving up.
then the last flashback. people around me start to distance themselves from me.
or i could say i distance myself from them and ignore misinterpret their concerns as mocking.
i was upset, frightened, and alone.
i came back to my present mind. walk through the class, to my table. i remembered the teacher said my table has been assigned and there supposed to be a student file on it.
i walked around and can't find them and then, i saw ain.
i was about to ask her if she had seen my file when she burst out in laughter, handed me my file and showed me my table. next to her.
"apala you ni, takkan tak tau i"
weird. i've never known her (heck, i've just recently met her last year without even so much of an interaction, save a few bits of this and that) except for her name and some minor details but at that moment, i felt something like,
"haha. should have known."
i felt like i've known her for ages.
"kenapa you kat sini? keluar jugak?"
"a'ah"
"who else?"
and she mentioned and pointed at somebody else.
same thing, somebodies i've barely known but felt like i've been with them forever.
once i've seen and acknowledge their presence, i felt a little bit at ease.
feels like, "not only me i guess".
like, when you have a problem and you look around and asked people, "is it just me or blablablabla..."
"yep, this thing is fucking hard!"
"hey! same as me!"
something like that.
the class went on
**MID DISCUSSION INTERRUPTION**
dreams recalling is so hard when it involved with negative emotions.
so much harder.
why the fuck did i even bother?
**INTERRUPTION ENDS**
class went on and it was a lecture on some subject i've had for my previous program.
lecturer asked questions, no one raised hands, and pointed at me.
the question was really random and weird but i have the feeling that i know the question and answer them with something equally random.
"ya! *and the lecture goes on*"
at this time, a flashback occur.
it was back when i'm still in the program.
the lectures were so hard, i could barely understand anything.
the quizzes, exams, were much more so.
then i had a thought,
"tapi macam rugi plak bila fikir semua yang aku belajar dulu tak bleh guna sangat nanti..."
the regret, the guilt.
overwhelming, overbearing.
i woke up.
something unrelated, never drink coffee-oatmeal mix before sleep. you'll just end up waking straight into caffeine crash-
oh... now that explains a lot...
anyway, study for exam!
takde kerja
bohong
5 hari lagi nak exam
the week is so hot, i swear my head had boiled over 6 times times 6.
no.
actually, this post is totally unrelated to whatever i had in mind.
or is it the other way around?
no wait. does it matter?
ah. found it.
i'm actually kinda jealous to people who actually have something going in their head.
something that not totally ridiculous. totally sane and brilliant. (or somewhat)
is it just them or i haven't gone out lately?
or is it something totally unrelated to my social life? (LOL that just sounds so wrong. do i have ANY?)
damn so many questions. many incoherent questions.
so few answers. even less in sane answers. (not to mention irrelevant)
frankly, i planned to list down some of those questions, and discuss them with some imaginary friends that i'll conjure later.
but when i try to delve in inside my conscious/heart/mind/whatever for them, i would suddenly goes,
"ok now why do peop- no... ah! what's she do- umm... wait. why did the win-"
so many interesting things to ponder yet so little attention.
maybe i'll start with something shallow simple.
i wonder if i could make somebody goes crazy over me.
that's not the actual question. i can't really explain the actual Q. it was something less emotional. much more logical in fact.
whatever. let's start with that. to facebook!
err... maybe later. most likely the ones i want her to notice are probably asleep. -_-zzz
but if i do it later, there are those unwanted attentions... >.<
i have nothing to lose anyway. X3
right.
in the morning!
(hell yeah for emoticon abuse. is it? what is actually abusing? NGGGHHHBLABLABLABLADONTCARE)
unrelated, my shoulder healed (i think so...) and i could start work out anytime i want.
maybe i'll start with morning jog. (maybe next morning or maybe the one after that. urghh. fucking willpower...)
and then BACA BIOCHEM & ANAT!
Dream Diary 1
Hi and welcome to my new dream diary series.
god. formal introduction sure is lame but it really sets up the mood.
since i always get weird, emotionally impacting dreams, i've decided to write them so someday when i'm bored, i can somewhat read them back and try to interpret/continue/whatever them back.
it's been a while since i dreamed this (like, 2 hours?) so don't expect to get detailed story and i'll try to be accurate (like you would know anyway :P)
it started with something depressing. i can't really remember what happened but i can vividly remember how i was feeling.
deep depression.
i was so depressed, i was quite irritable and angry and homicidal.
the dream skipped certain scenes aka fast forwarded.
then comes athirah. (yea! that is "the girl"'s name. oh ya... i forgot to write something about her. later.)
she was somewhat try to console me or something. i was abandoning my life.
she talked gently and it do feel comforting but my ego just couldn't rest, i emotionally resist her attempt.
she had gone fed up with me and start to use a little more aggressive methods. just a little.
can't really describe them because the dream was kinda skipping scenes.
she scold and i retaliate and shit gone messy and scene was fast forwarded a bit and for all i know, i had somewhat, killed her.
no. it's not exactly like i've killed her but i felt like i've done something to make her out of my life. i don't know either she had run away or just gone or dead but i really felt like, "fuck... i can't see her again ever huh?".
i felt guilty and the guilt was really heavy.
fuck. just remembering it makes my heart feels like falling.
after a little thinking about her, i felt this, urge, to see her and apologize but i know i will not get to see her ever again.
but somehow i felt like there is still a little hope that she would comes/revives back for me to see her and there was something like, a strong intent to tell her, "sorry...".
another downward spiral or depression and a little insanity here and there with some scene skipping.
then comes my lil sis, ika.
she tried to comfort me. just like what athirah had done.
again, my fucking ego won't let down and i resist stubbornly again.
except now, i felt my sis attempt was extremely annoying and irritating.
scene fast forwarded and same thing happened.
i felt like doing something really stupid like, killing/banishing/kicked out my own lil sis who wasn't even guilty in anything at all besides being concerned about me.
instead of having hope, i was in a total despair.
"bodoh... kenapa? kenapa? ika takkan balik lagi kan? ika. jangan pergi. sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysor..."
i might have gone insane on that time.
then enter athirah.
OH MY GOD
it was like, some one had thrown a really big rope and the rope wrapped me by itself and pulled me up from a endless hole of despair.
how i thanked her. how i apologized. how i regret everything.
so many emotions.
i hugged her and kept repeating "sorry" for more than 9000 while clenching something. i don't know what i was clenching as my hands were full or her and my mouth was bombarding her with so many "sorry" but it felt like i was clenching something. (and no. i didn't feel anything regarding her body and me having close physical contact with her boobs. try to accidentally kill somebody you loved and after a day of mourning and regretting, he/she comes back alive. you wouldn't think of anything irrelevant other than him/her and how guilty you've felt)
she kept saying "it's ok".
i mumbled continuously about what i've done to my sister.
she kept saying "it's ok".
i rambled insanely about how i've screwed up my whole life.
she kept saying "it's ok".
scene skipped and i was at a doorway.
it was like, i was waiting for someone with EXTREME excitement and anticipation.
the door opened and my heart jumped/leaped/thrusted upward/antigravitied.
it's ika!
she comes back!
she was smiling. a comforting one too.
"ika! abang resh mint-"
fucking alarm...
yea. most of my dream-tellings were always revolves around my emotion regarding what had happened.
that's what matter anyway. (and yes. i do notice the overusage of "felt" and some other minor details. my vocabs are THAT limited so stop complaining >.>)
on another unrelated note, i'm going to replace my desktop to a laptop.
damn, dad sure gonna be facepalming ME.
god. formal introduction sure is lame but it really sets up the mood.
since i always get weird, emotionally impacting dreams, i've decided to write them so someday when i'm bored, i can somewhat read them back and try to interpret/continue/whatever them back.
it's been a while since i dreamed this (like, 2 hours?) so don't expect to get detailed story and i'll try to be accurate (like you would know anyway :P)
it started with something depressing. i can't really remember what happened but i can vividly remember how i was feeling.
deep depression.
i was so depressed, i was quite irritable and angry and homicidal.
the dream skipped certain scenes aka fast forwarded.
then comes athirah. (yea! that is "the girl"'s name. oh ya... i forgot to write something about her. later.)
she was somewhat try to console me or something. i was abandoning my life.
she talked gently and it do feel comforting but my ego just couldn't rest, i emotionally resist her attempt.
she had gone fed up with me and start to use a little more aggressive methods. just a little.
can't really describe them because the dream was kinda skipping scenes.
she scold and i retaliate and shit gone messy and scene was fast forwarded a bit and for all i know, i had somewhat, killed her.
no. it's not exactly like i've killed her but i felt like i've done something to make her out of my life. i don't know either she had run away or just gone or dead but i really felt like, "fuck... i can't see her again ever huh?".
i felt guilty and the guilt was really heavy.
fuck. just remembering it makes my heart feels like falling.
after a little thinking about her, i felt this, urge, to see her and apologize but i know i will not get to see her ever again.
but somehow i felt like there is still a little hope that she would comes/revives back for me to see her and there was something like, a strong intent to tell her, "sorry...".
another downward spiral or depression and a little insanity here and there with some scene skipping.
then comes my lil sis, ika.
she tried to comfort me. just like what athirah had done.
again, my fucking ego won't let down and i resist stubbornly again.
except now, i felt my sis attempt was extremely annoying and irritating.
scene fast forwarded and same thing happened.
i felt like doing something really stupid like, killing/banishing/kicked out my own lil sis who wasn't even guilty in anything at all besides being concerned about me.
instead of having hope, i was in a total despair.
"bodoh... kenapa? kenapa? ika takkan balik lagi kan? ika. jangan pergi. sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysor..."
i might have gone insane on that time.
then enter athirah.
OH MY GOD
it was like, some one had thrown a really big rope and the rope wrapped me by itself and pulled me up from a endless hole of despair.
how i thanked her. how i apologized. how i regret everything.
so many emotions.
i hugged her and kept repeating "sorry" for more than 9000 while clenching something. i don't know what i was clenching as my hands were full or her and my mouth was bombarding her with so many "sorry" but it felt like i was clenching something. (and no. i didn't feel anything regarding her body and me having close physical contact with her boobs. try to accidentally kill somebody you loved and after a day of mourning and regretting, he/she comes back alive. you wouldn't think of anything irrelevant other than him/her and how guilty you've felt)
she kept saying "it's ok".
i mumbled continuously about what i've done to my sister.
she kept saying "it's ok".
i rambled insanely about how i've screwed up my whole life.
she kept saying "it's ok".
scene skipped and i was at a doorway.
it was like, i was waiting for someone with EXTREME excitement and anticipation.
the door opened and my heart jumped/leaped/thrusted upward/antigravitied.
it's ika!
she comes back!
she was smiling. a comforting one too.
"ika! abang resh mint-"
fucking alarm...
yea. most of my dream-tellings were always revolves around my emotion regarding what had happened.
that's what matter anyway. (and yes. i do notice the overusage of "felt" and some other minor details. my vocabs are THAT limited so stop complaining >.>)
on another unrelated note, i'm going to replace my desktop to a laptop.
damn, dad sure gonna be facepalming ME.
always a limit in pushing the limit
i'm in so much despair, feel like burning down the whole world.
i don't feel any hatred or envy or greed or sadness or anything.
just feeling helpless and despair.
you know, lack of hope of somekind. (heck. even explaining this shit puts me deeper into this shit-mind-hole i'm in.)
but why the whole world?
nothing. just for kicks.
i don't know about anyone else but me, my mind only thinks of creating chaos.
for the sake of sharing. :P
hurting shoulder
broke
hard-to-maintain lies
mounting expectations
looming exams
messy bedroom
hungry mites infestation
crappy yet barely affordable food
boring people
uninterested girls
uninteresting girls
painful shoulder (yes. intended repetition)
and so many other minor details.
usually, i can always shrug the occasional depression by working out.
more depression = more weight
more weight = overtraining
thus, the sore shoulder.
some googling showed that this kind of injury would cost me fucking 6 weeks of almost non-utilizing rest.
i want to visit a chiropractor, so much. doesn't matter except for pain management. (i didn't fucking know my rotator cuff would be THIS weak... another exercise regime i guess.)
all this shit makes me wonder if sex could actually help relieves things but i don't actually have the balls to ask a girl, don't have the heart to commit, don't have the will to beat faith, and can't be bothered to deal with those protecting that faith (i know it's not theirs' but you know... people... >.>).
i don't feel any hatred or envy or greed or sadness or anything.
just feeling helpless and despair.
you know, lack of hope of somekind. (heck. even explaining this shit puts me deeper into this shit-mind-hole i'm in.)
but why the whole world?
nothing. just for kicks.
i don't know about anyone else but me, my mind only thinks of creating chaos.
for the sake of sharing. :P
hurting shoulder
broke
hard-to-maintain lies
mounting expectations
looming exams
messy bedroom
hungry mites infestation
crappy yet barely affordable food
boring people
uninterested girls
uninteresting girls
painful shoulder (yes. intended repetition)
and so many other minor details.
usually, i can always shrug the occasional depression by working out.
more depression = more weight
more weight = overtraining
thus, the sore shoulder.
some googling showed that this kind of injury would cost me fucking 6 weeks of almost non-utilizing rest.
all this shit makes me wonder if sex could actually help relieves things but i don't actually have the balls to ask a girl, don't have the heart to commit, don't have the will to beat faith, and can't be bothered to deal with those protecting that faith (i know it's not theirs' but you know... people... >.>).
please don't do this to me...
today went on unexpectedly fine.
except for a few things like FUCKING LICE CHEWING MY SKIN DAY AND NIGHT LEAVING FUCKING IRRITATING BLOTCH OF ITCHES THAT ARE SO ITCHY I FEEL LIKE BURNING THIS WHOLE PLACE.
anyway, anatomy exam was so easy, it really brighten up my mood.
my hair was so darn easy to style, thank god the batch pic day is today.
and the girl (my new prey/victim/crush/whatever) was also pretty much layan me surprisingly 'friendly'.
thanks to her for my anatomy (and also a few others who made me a fucking-anatomy-sifu-for-30-minutes).
actually, there is something else that kinda put me down a bit for the day but i really can't think straight right now because of the itches i'm suffering... (maybe later tonight...)
i don't know where i'm going to sleep for tonight.
EDIT: (no. this is not 'tonight'. it's already the morning after :P)
- on hospital management exam, some people couldn't have their exam paper because of presumably somebody else taken theirs (professor only print out based on who attend the course, not only the exam).
- printers were out.
- somebody else suggest a presumably really good idea.
- they get to take the exam.
here is what my thought train were:
- i was feeling indifferent. served them right for not attending the lectures.
- didn't think much except for my paper.
actually, i do have something in mind. printers were out but prof has the soft copy with him. use the projector.doesn't really stick to my head. just idle pondering. why should i care anyway? (not wanting any answer btw) - hmm. glad to know somebody else do think. ok what? the idea was so obvious! why did prof credited her like she had just saved the fucking world?!
- EH!!? those were the guys? it was them? (the left out guys are 2 of my friends and the girl. they are not the kind who wouldn't miss class (or did they? don't know. they're not in the same class anyway.) and the girl (i really hate addressing her as just 'the girl'. maybe i'll post about her later.) was always in the class. maybe i should have voice out that thought of mind after all. good for them. oh! my paper- *back to answering*
i just realized I AM a self eccentric, pre-assumptive guy.
the kind of guy who shrug off other people misery, thinking "not my prob", minding my own business, and maybe throw a few insults under my breath, not even knowing that the ones who were in trouble were my own friends.
that's not just it.
i wonder if they were someone random, will i feel the same as this?
it's not like i am really bothered by all this anyway.
leave me alone! but don't ignore me please...
you know what, these few days, i realized i've been regressing myself back into the self-loathing, self-isolating me.
i don't know why but life has been SO irritating that i just don't care anymore.
great news! it's exam week next week.
i am so in need of motivation and what my mind could think of is girls.
no. it's not about lust.
not about love either.
i just need one girl i could admire.
sounds easy. just choose and stalk somebody then!
NOT.
not this time though. i can't accept to just settle with that.
i want a more... closer relationship/interaction/whatever.
ok. here is how to describe it.
from what i could conjure from past visual and actual observations (tv, people near me, self experience etc.), i could safely (more like, 'politically correct') describe this, person, that i want as a female best friend.
something much closer than friends. maybe a little deeper as in a girlfriend but non of the romance element (a little bit teasing and flirting would still be nice though).
more like, trust and understanding.
and maybe a good sense of humor. (what the hell? beggars can't be choosers!)
i just want that.
it isn't like i don't want an actual girlfriend.
it's just, having friends is actually tolling enough to my non-committing heart.
having to bond emotionally to this one supposedly-special girl would really suck out almost all of my will to live. (not to mention the chained freedom)
i admit that sounds so irresponsible and immature.
call me childish but if i can choose not to have any responsibilities in this life, even at the cost of any kind of credibility or some sort (my vocab failed me here, sorry), i'll take the offer.
life would be so awesome if i could stuck being a 12 years old forever.
everything is so innocent. so carefree. no hidden purposes. no stressful workload (except some homeworks of course), no burdening responsibilities.
just the world and fantasies.
world and fantasies...
stop trying to be my psychiatrist.
because you're not.
fine, according to YOU, i got -1 in depression scaling.
apparently, i feel quite happy about it.
ok. not really.
i do feel depressed for most of the time but whenever it comes to the point where i become aware of it, i'll feel sudden surge of euphoria.
but even though i am fine with it, i don't think flaunting those depressions would be wise.
so whoever said they are not mad is actually insane.
what logic is that? (wait... is that even relevant?)
for all i care, you could pulling those psychology fact out of your ass just as i innocuously answered your questions.
and please stop with the gay remarks. just once or twice in the lifetime of our friendship is fine but to actually mention about it in like, 2 in every 3 meets is just plain disturbing (even if it's a disapproving shit).
what's your beef with them? jeez.
don't get me wrong, as long as they don't force their idea and don't bother me i'll acknowledge their existence and let them be without ever judging.
same goes to everything and everyone. (for all i care :P)
some say taking the neutral stance in every single thing means cowardice.
guess what? i don't car-
ughh. why the fuck do i even bother?
here is MY opinion, stop trying to judge everything.
from my observations, being judgmental always incite obsessions.
obsessions always cloud judgment.
clouded judgment equals idiocy, which is boring to observe.
though there are always exceptions (albeit extremely rare).
p.s: nothing personal. >_>
gog and magog
holy shit! it's really a mind blaaasting~ discussion i had last night.
no seriously. i am dead serious.
even though if his opinion weren't all factually correct (hey. he did say that it's a research he'd done base on his own deductions for over 3 years. points for effort and honesty), it's still successfully make my mind went into thinking-tank mode.
i may have forgot almost 1/3rd of it but what really mind boggling is how the talks last night turned, twisted and derail from harmless boasting to heavy topics to practical practice.
at first, i was just going to give this friend the cash for my flight ticket. that was 11pm.
after having free meal and some playful time with effy (i love the well groomed persian. it's a 'he' by the way), we headed down (with dude A to just casually visit another friend's house just two levels below.
then dude B started to babble about girls.
lots of honest boasting, little bit of spiced up stories (i hope they don't have the guts to dig the truth. meh. just a pinch of lies anyway. they won't mind. :P) and some 'motivational' advises, dude B changed the topic about the flotilla incident. (i always mix up flotilla with fellatio. just how much more corrupt can i be?)
then we discussed about the unity of the whole muslim population, the assumed problems of those lack-of-participation countries, and our own country's problems.
now i realized just how malignant the cancer is. what is the cancer? FUCKING CORRUPT POLITICIANS. that is.
and then i can't remember how the discussion is derailed to gog and magog (yakjud makjud) but this particular discussion was AWESOME!!!!!!!
at first i was like, -_-
then i was like, o_-
and then, o_O
and then i went, O_O
there was also a time where i, ¬_¬
and a time where i, T_T
most of the time i, ಠ_ಠ
and, щ(ﾟДﾟщ)(屮ﾟДﾟ)屮
(have to copy some from wiki)
i really don't know how to express it in words as that would take like forever on my part to write all those information and informative expressions.
nonetheless, MIND BLAAAAAASTING~~ (russel peter style)
after about 4 hours of heavy material, we rested a bit with some tongkat ali cafe and continue our talk with this jackpot question, "dude, camne ko work out?"
dude A missed all the action by sleeping through the heavy discussion.
i didn't know that there is actually a variant of push up that actually build core strength.
i learned about forms and the differences of crush and sit up (not that i would use those in my regime anyway)
i also going to add some isometric exercise into my regime.
point is, this dude bloody knows what he is doing.
and the work out debate (yep. i do have my points to prove too) was evolved into implementation of those exercises in martial arts.
this part was so informative that i even felt bad having to end all those practical craps and potentially hazardous yet fun to do moves.
again.
point is, this dude BLOODY KNOWS what he is doing.
into the hall of fame halim.
TITLE TEST ^_^
(the test failed T_T)
friendship is notonly about be together and benefiting each other.
(the test failed T_T)
friendship is not
it's about be together and sharing the same thought.
mind reading doesn't count.
yes. i deliberately omitting other aspects like trust and yada yada. ¬_¬
yes. i deliberately omitting other aspects like trust and yada yada. ¬_¬
(truth is i have to edit and reedit the first sentence a couple of time)
I don't lie. really.
note to self:
- don't do these (chronologically):
- deprive sleep
- work out
- chug down buff + coffee
- you'll end up with:
- MAJOR DROWSINESS after 3 hours
- MAJOR HEADACHE after 9 hours
- HANGOVER-like symptoms
- waste the rest of the day and even the next because of:
- crushing headache
- neck pain
- mass fatigue
- lack of motivation
i swear that drink i had was some luck-drought potion.
or was it because i just found out that the FUCKING ASSIGNMENT JUST TOOK ME 5 HOURS OF NON WAVERING ATTENTION AND DEDICATION JUST TO FINISH UP TILL FUCKING HALF-WAY AND THAT FUCKING HALF WAY ALSO ALREADY TOOK ABOUT 6 FUCKING PAGES OF FUCKING 12 FONTSIZE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh. mind you that THIS IS JUST THE BLOODY WORD DRAFT.
bloody hell...
and i really hope whoever inconsiderate fuckers who cut off the internet yesterday FOR THE WHOLE BLOODY DAY
would
just
would
just
die
FUCK YOU
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