kenapa saya ???

rasa macam dipergunakan?

duh. you are being used. that's why.
the next thing i know is i'm somewhat a sponsor of this open house.
dude... i really appreciate it when you were there that time and having you as a friend but please...

that is why i don't like getting too friendly to anybody.
that first favor will always lead to another and as i'm not really an assertive guy, easy to guess what is next.


oh well. things come and go.
shrug it off and i'll just forget about it.
wait... kinda scary thinking about it.
that's why i can't remember those simple modern math stuffs.
that's also why i don't learn from past mistakes.

time for revisions...
and those frickin assignments.

no shit...

i give up.

fine. i admit that those girly movies r mega boring unless u watch it with a girl.
i know not all women are like that. (there. no stereotyping here, right?)
but the girls i've met always said "oh! that one was nice! really. watch it!"
and i did. with them and without them.
what i found interesting is after WE watched em.
the after-movie debate.
it's fun watching them defending their view, the movie's view, in futile.
notice the "WE"? yeah. no "we" in "i watch that movie alone".


and for the first time, i watched house m.d. with wikipedia in the background.
i noticed the pattern would be something like patients with weird syndrome, then they diagnosed it with some common disease.
turned out to be some rare disease, then it's actually another common disease with just some rare complications or just the first disease they diagnosed.
and the back plot, i find them quite distracting.
maybe that's what made the show entertaining and all to the layman crowds.
whatever. still a good show though.


now that i mentioned "show", i've dreamed of joining a cosplay party.
and i chose to wear hogwart's uniform. ravenclaw.
the strange thing was, i said something i would find too douchy for me to be caught dead saying those.
and i realized it was a dream because the girl crowd i've been having a conversation with were like, laughed and aww-ed.
so weird.

im weird coz i...

trust that guy?
like what he said were all believable. doesn't mean i have to be a jerk, right?
besides, it's fun when he making a fool outta himself.

fancy relatively old songs?
like i care what's mainstream. i listen to whatever I find interesting.
my ears. who cares?

wear weirdly?
i just like being a bit unique. just like everybody else with self confidence.

pronounce car-foor or however u spell it as care-4?
minor details~

have opinions?
talk to the mirror.

it's funny when people were being judgmental.
okay. not funny.
just interesting.
nobody likes being critiqued by others. :P

talking about interesting, i do find trying different ways of interacting with people, especially strangers, specifically females, is one.
fuck.
can't imagine how many things i've missed in my last 8 years.


and sorry adam young.
i just find 2 songs out of your 3 albums are nice.
glad itune sells songs separately. would be sucked to have to buy 2 albums just for those.

and again, i'm too lazy to be creative on the title.

EUREKA!!!

found out that whenever i cut the gateway, a minute after that and its only me who can connect.
just now that guy was walking out of his room with the frustration aura.
HELL YEAH!!!
fuck you!
and i should really snap some new pics for my fb or else i wont have anything to show off while revisiting old crushes.
damn emo-mood for making me delete my profile pics.

playin rough eh?

if i can't have it, neither can ya~~

and wow.
i've been back to my old unmotivated, gaming self.
how do i know? (except duh, it's me)
i don't care how do i appear anymore.
and somehow, i feel kinda mixed about this.
a part of me feel comfortable and another part goes on "HI ALERT!!! CODE RED!!!".


and there the fuck goes again.
hell! i could dance all night long.


mum got admitted into hospital last week because of excessive bleeding.
but she's alright now.
i just hope she really is and always will...
just felt like putting this in here~~

shocker!!!

FUCK U DUDE!!!
IT'S BEEN A FUCKING LONG TIME!!!
and here i thought you were a lost cause.

hey Owl City!

you've just gotten yourself a new fan.

actually, not really a fan cause i'm stealing your albums as i post this.
if only i could get my hand on a working, legit financial card. debit or credit.
i don't know anymore which element in a girl i'll actually get attracted to more.
her personality or looks?

well, it's kinda a moot question anyway.
i do want both.

i find looks pretty important for the first step of any relationships.
first impression do count. i just don't give a damn to out of lots of people out there unless she could stands out.
umm... the paragraph above sounds kinda wrong.
point is, i just like to notice pretty girls.

but then again, there has been several instances where i just like the girl because she has these, cheery, happy go lucky personality. and there were also some who have some kind of charismatic and egoistic aura around her. there were also those weird mysterious girl who always have these strange but fun thoughts that made me wonder, "what the hell was in her mind?"

oh...
now i remember. all of those girls were the pretty ones.
i don't have pictures to prove that but who cares the minor details?

eventually, i'll just get bored anyway.



and yes. i'm too lazy to think of a title for this post.

monomonomonomonomonomonomono...

heh.
looking back at all those emo posts i've made just disgusted me.
i even feel like deleting them.


"what the fuck is "being single and unavailable"?
sounds like some pathetic dude got dumped and then making an excuse so he wouldn't sounds all that of a loser."

"so what?"

"so what what? like it was your first time."

"well... not trying to sound like one but can't i at least savor the feeling? what's wrong being emo? what's wrong being a loser?"

"nothing is wrong. except the loser part. just don't go around, mentioning it over and over and over again. fucking loser~~~"

"whatever."

"screw you."

"nu~~nu-nu~~~~"


oh ya... i'm waiting for the people down there to yell "GOALL!!!"
please let there be a holida-

ALL RIGHT!!!!!
there they go!!!
please be one...

null and void

never thought going back to being single and unavailable would be dull like nothing.

i'm not really good in class. not really fond of the lecturers.
i have nothing to get excited or worried about in class.
but life is SO MUCH EASIER this way.

oh well.
whatever will be, will be.
yeah... the unknown tomorrow is always there to anticipate...
:)






ps: wow. optimism sucks.feel crappier than ever...

god! have mercy!

a boring hell like that once per week?!
how i missed my secondary school life...


and i hate irresponsible idiots.
i don't care how you wanna use the world but please,
know how to clean up your own mess.
pandai buat, pandai tanggung.
pandai guna, pandai kemas la.

somebody cal 911!!~~~

egp9 for a 250ml can of carbofucked, energy sewerage?!!
fucking ripoff...
konon 100plus la.
tak sedap.

now take all my coins.

and where was i in 2009?
fucking missed lots of things.

move on...

me and her are so over. (and so are with some of her friends. lol!)
major screwed up.
but, whatever.
if they do matter something to me, i would realize it sooner or later.
now to find someone that wanna buy my speaker.
and focus on assignments.

another lesson of life learned.
eat breakfast.
fuck shit. i'm almost passed out this afternoon. (or shouldn't it be last afternoon since it's already pass 12am?)

09/11/09

not every girl that talk to you wants you.
don't annoy people you don't really know out of boredom.
never trust the bank clerk.
look around before buying anything.
do not eat spicy food if there were presentations on the next morning.
french is a type of polite, dirty talk.
circle of life. whichever side you were on, it always rolling downhill.
and always put "folder views" on "details". fuck thumbnails. are you crazy?

a hell of a day.

cozynye~~~

it feels great to have a small house.
you don't need to walk much to go from here to there.
much easier to maintain, as in cleaning up the whole house.

but there are always times where you just wish this part or that part of the house is a little bit bigger.

a ludicrous night of

ME!!! lol!

i've did many stupid things today. (even this sentence sounds stupid)
one of the most prominent ones was dinner.
ate at romansa and ordered a "nasi goreng kimau".
as usual, spicy. my iced tea wasn't enough to relief me of my suffering. and so was my friend.
we asked for 2 "ais kosong". few minutes later he came with a tray of 2 glasses of ice cubes.
we waited for a jug of water to hover over the glasses and pouring in the goodness.
he left. no water or anything.
stupefied. FUCKING WEIRD.
ok fine. just some miscommunication.
didn't mean to insult him or anything, we just let it go.
yep. 2 glasses of ICE CUBES only.
but, suffered too much, we did ask for water.
he came to us. looking pretty concerned with our dog panting, tongue stuck out face.
we asked, "bang. air kosong."
"air apa?"
"air kosong. takde perisa"
"oh... air puteh..."
"ha. apa-apa la"
he stuttered back, "oh ho. ma'alish ya."
i swear he looked at the 2 glasses of ice cubes before he stuttered that.
few minutes later, on a tray, our savior.
ONE FUCKING GLASS OF WATER.
WHAT THE FUCK!!???!!
i thought,"how much dumber can you be?".
and reflexively, i chuckled.
but i seriously didn't mean it!
no, joking. was really meant as a rolling-on-my-ass laugh.
common sense dude...
2 glass of just ice cubes and 2 panting people.

ok. i know i'm bad at story telling but whatever.


next breaking news!
i've just brought in some dude between me and her.
just hope this guy is the right one to clear this up.
and she still ignoring me.

and a nightwalk along the mediterranean sea was breathtakingly beautiful.
throw away the annoying arab dudes and alexandria would be perfect.

effing idiot

and WHAT THE HELL???
all these time i've been thinking that "lifethesia" means "devoid of life"
turns out in "anesthesia", "a" means non. "esthe" means feelings or something and whatever does it means with "sia"

if that's the case, then "lifethesia" would means something like feeling of life.
and "alifthesia"...
lame gile... macam la nama aku alif.

on a second thought, "feeling of life" ain't sounds that bad either.
but what does it has to do with zombie?

fuck it.

my world is all about me and only me.
anything that has nothing to do with "me" or "mine" is nil.
i've always strive just by being alone.
i am an annoying bastard because i think everything else are irrelevant and should be used as stepping stones.
everything is about MY survival.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
...so not me. except the "annoying bastard".
point is?
i feel sleepy.

for the first time!

not. though it was one after a few weeks of sedentary life.
running along a windy sea is what i call living life!
one of the things i love about alexandria.
i swear i won't live any more further than 10 blocks from the mediterranean sea as long as i'm here in egypt.

but i really hope i wouldn't caught up with this one thing...

why is there a river?

i feel fucking pissed off and fucking bored.
where is the fucking sandbag?

-----

which one is right?
you missed something because you feel empty or you feel empty because you've missed something?

-----

i should stop writing in here too frequently.
out of idea for random thoughts, random craps keep popping out.
title is unrelated.


the idea of facebook was a lame one.
i don't know what does it have to do with anything in my real life?
you post pictures of yourself, post status of yourself, use your real name in anything in it, play some lame games with pathetic interface with "friends".
sounds whoring to me. thanks to it, i almost lose the anonymity of this site.
ok. i did get excited and pasted this blog in it. regretted it.

my god.
why am i so antisocial tonight?
sigh... sleep would be good...

-----

and maybe i should start twiddling with the "virtual drugs" i got last year.
time to buy a good headphone.

-----

so much mixed feelings in my head, i felt like screaming the hell out of the night but it was still fucking noisy outside that if i screamed, people would swarm around and start being annoying and the effect wouldn't be dramatic.

quit it.

enough with the thoughts.
and she ain't anywhere near me, nor going near me.

go buy your things.


i am so a hypocrite i even omit things in my blog.
thank god i didn't lie.

THE PAIN....

okay.
my ego has started to torture.
now i feel fucking bad to my self for everything i've did that could be associated with her.

should i give in and go destructive mode or should i just annoy somebody else?


AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGHHHHGHGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

managed to have lunch with her

but i didn't get the skippy-jumpy feeling i should get when having conversations with her. or at least that was what i've been told.
maybe not yet. i'll let it go on for another week.
and she invited me to her home party BUT...
i declined it.
was it right for me to put dota with friends on top of the list?

oh i forgot. never turn around. if a selfish bastard i'm gonna be, then let it be.
it isn't like i'm gonna enjoy the party anyway. it would gonna be just like any other party i've been to.
makan-makan, dengar orang lain cakap benda yang aku tak faham.
kalau nasib baik, dapat chat dengan dia je.
kalau nasib baik...
if not, buat penat je.

screwed up enough?

and her friend. the one i had my interest once, the one who actually showed her feelings, she looks pissed off.
the GUILT...
it wasn't like she ain't pretty or things like that. she's cute. but sparks come on and off pretty randomly. and 2 1/2 months of no contact wasn't really helping.
but wth?! it wasn't like we had any kind of close relationship to begin with.
what with the "pfft. scums." look?
okay, i know i'm just speculating. though i really hope it was just an overreaction.
wait, now i looked like i'm overthinking.
sigh... time, do your magic. please.

and mike, thanks for butting in just at the right time.
u were a total lifesaver back then. macam mujahid.
but fuck u for not reminding me of my unfinished burger. (lol, jk. not really :P)
the wasted protein...

now, bracing myself for the gossip storm...

nice...

cakap nak beli buku, tapi tak tunggu aku.

no matter, its physio in a cramped class anyway.
now, belanja mcd. (just hope i could say that)


yes, maintaining an inapproachable aura is much easier than trying hard to be sociable and getting emotionally hurt later.
told ya. a step nearer in becoming a heartless, selfish bastard.

and no more overdosing whey but that crap do taste like what i think would be crap.
buang rugi lak.

life,

keep this going and i'm gonna be a heartless, selfish bastard.

thats it

no more oh-happy-day-good-life thinking.
i knew that those girls were just a bad prank played by life on me.
besides, if they were really interested in me they could always start a conversation with me.

or is it just me in denial?
yes i am interested in you girls but please don't gang up on me.
it's so intimidati-

wait. what the fuck wrong with me? intimidated by girls?
ok. the fact that i never had a real, non dodgy relationships makes it hard to go get any one of them. or anyone else.

either its some scandalous mentor-mentee or adik-kakak angkat relationship.
or just some secret admirers that till hi-school graduate didn't even reveal themselves.
and some fan-ly thingy that i didn't even know how i could even have one.

hell what? do they even care?

I FUCKING HATE LIFE!!!! SCREW U!!!!!!!!!
PLEASE GOD LET ME BE A DICTATOR OF THIS WORLD JUST FOR A 100 YEARS!!!!!!!!!!
please....