my state of mind right now is a total clusterfuck!
i don't think i remember anytime else when i'm feeling so dissociated from reality.
i cant focus on my classes. the moment i set to them, i would just wander off. i feel like skipping them all and not care of the consequences. fuck it, out of 6 days of lectures, i might have attended only half of them.
i've been listening to musics all day. playing games and watching animes regardless if they are shitty or not. my mind and emotion keep see-sawing between despair and something but totally not euphoria. i keep wishing for somewhere to escape to but what bothers me is i don't know what i'm escaping from.
and not to mention how i keep flashing back my past randomly at random times. even when i'm talking to somebody.
and my thoughts are all still jumbled up as fuck. i don't know how to put it down. but it's distressing enough that it makes me writing here.
and fuck these edgy-dark theme i have going on here!
they won't last
if we didn't care about them.
"they"?
well, anything.
a phone wont last if we didn't charge it overnight.
a hard disk would go whizzing and stop spinning if it gets layered in dust, unused.
a youtube channel starts to lost its subscribers when you don't upload anything for a while.
a cat leaves when you don't feed it.
health turns ill when you stop caring hygiene.
friendship become awkward when you stop talking to each other.
faith wither when you start to ignore your faith callings (prayers, holy books).
old dogs can't learn new tricks.
most old people just don't care much about learning how to use a computer.
maybe its alzheimer. maybe it's just them being senile.
or maybe they just can't bear to lose anything, anymore. i don't think they totally don't know how technologies work. they do but they get to see something beyond convenience and cool fads.
you can play fun games in phones. store contacts. store pictures.
but what happens when people stops playing a game that once were popular? a game that we have become so good, high scores unbeatable?
what do we feel when we lost all those numbers of peoples we've met due to awry updates? when sweet pictures lost due to corrupted cards?
or a phone lost.
worse case scenario, no backups. (serve you right. store them in clouds.)
shit happens.
they do happen even more so when you get to live up to 70 or 80.
sure, deal with it. be good at another game. ask back people for those contacts (good luck finding that cool girl you've met during a hike somewhere). go on a second trip to giza to snap that awesome picture of you jumping over the pyramids.
but after so many, you'll get tired. you tend to just, give up.
people hold on to things that has last the longest. the one that stays with them up till present.
things that they care and with a strong reason to.
love, faith, medals, pets,
memories, sanity,
whatever those are.
sorry i didn't write on you often.
"they"?
well, anything.
a phone wont last if we didn't charge it overnight.
a hard disk would go whizzing and stop spinning if it gets layered in dust, unused.
a youtube channel starts to lost its subscribers when you don't upload anything for a while.
a cat leaves when you don't feed it.
health turns ill when you stop caring hygiene.
friendship become awkward when you stop talking to each other.
faith wither when you start to ignore your faith callings (prayers, holy books).
old dogs can't learn new tricks.
most old people just don't care much about learning how to use a computer.
maybe its alzheimer. maybe it's just them being senile.
or maybe they just can't bear to lose anything, anymore. i don't think they totally don't know how technologies work. they do but they get to see something beyond convenience and cool fads.
you can play fun games in phones. store contacts. store pictures.
but what happens when people stops playing a game that once were popular? a game that we have become so good, high scores unbeatable?
what do we feel when we lost all those numbers of peoples we've met due to awry updates? when sweet pictures lost due to corrupted cards?
or a phone lost.
worse case scenario, no backups. (serve you right. store them in clouds.)
shit happens.
they do happen even more so when you get to live up to 70 or 80.
sure, deal with it. be good at another game. ask back people for those contacts (good luck finding that cool girl you've met during a hike somewhere). go on a second trip to giza to snap that awesome picture of you jumping over the pyramids.
but after so many, you'll get tired. you tend to just, give up.
people hold on to things that has last the longest. the one that stays with them up till present.
things that they care and with a strong reason to.
love, faith, medals, pets,
memories, sanity,
whatever those are.
sorry i didn't write on you often.
tanggang
i'm such an ungrateful kid.
i LIED to my parents about not wanting to go back this summer hols.
i told them it's about money problem. my dad ask if it's okay for him to send me some.
i am such an idiot! it isn't like my family is poor or something.
i didn't tell them about how i failed both of my surgery and internal medicine. how i want to "make up" for it.
i thought it was only 1 year since i was back home. seems like it's already been 2 years.
mom told me to study hard but what did i do all this time? skip classes just to laze around playing games.
this is why i don't really like skyping with my family. it made me realize how PATHETIC i am.
and i know ill never be able to study all these shit alone.
i don't know if ill make this alone.
i don't know if ill even make it.
i don't know what the fuck am i doing most of the time.
now, i'm not so sure anymore about what's in the future.
worst, deep inside, i don't feel like knowing or caring anymore.
i LIED to my parents about not wanting to go back this summer hols.
i told them it's about money problem. my dad ask if it's okay for him to send me some.
i am such an idiot! it isn't like my family is poor or something.
i didn't tell them about how i failed both of my surgery and internal medicine. how i want to "make up" for it.
i thought it was only 1 year since i was back home. seems like it's already been 2 years.
mom told me to study hard but what did i do all this time? skip classes just to laze around playing games.
this is why i don't really like skyping with my family. it made me realize how PATHETIC i am.
and i know ill never be able to study all these shit alone.
i don't know if ill make this alone.
i don't know if ill even make it.
i don't know what the fuck am i doing most of the time.
now, i'm not so sure anymore about what's in the future.
worst, deep inside, i don't feel like knowing or caring anymore.
turns out that awkward zombie is already in use....
WHY???
for 3 years, i am a lie.
oh well. the real awkward zombie is a nice place though.
WHY???
for 3 years, i am a lie.
oh well. the real awkward zombie is a nice place though.
grateful
that people who actually know me wished me happy birthday.
but it irks me a little that it's me who have to buy the cake.
it's easy if i have only a circle of friends but when there are more than one, sape aku nak bagi makan ni?
it wasn't for the fact that i am cheap.
i just find it ridiculous that i have to entertain ALL of them so i don't feel bad the next time i meet them.
now my head hurts thinking how to conceal the cake from anyone else not playing dota tomorrow.
maybe another cheap little cheesecake for another circle.
ARRGH
what the fuck am i doing????
but it irks me a little that it's me who have to buy the cake.
it's easy if i have only a circle of friends but when there are more than one, sape aku nak bagi makan ni?
it wasn't for the fact that i am cheap.
i just find it ridiculous that i have to entertain ALL of them so i don't feel bad the next time i meet them.
now my head hurts thinking how to conceal the cake from anyone else not playing dota tomorrow.
maybe another cheap little cheesecake for another circle.
ARRGH
what the fuck am i doing????
of black and red
right now i'm kinda hyped up with the idea of traveling alone.
heck, i think being separated in edinburgh might be one of the best happened.
just wandering, have no care, no one to restrict my movement (or lack of it), not being bound to a specific time limit.
group traveling is just like walking with tour guide, except you're following someone familiar rather than some stranger.
and they say we have a week of easter break in april.
HAVE to do SOMETHING about it.
now to look for places for backpacking supplies.
and if only the plannings and paperwork (visa, bookings, stuffs like that) were much easier to do.
amsterdam was great. but with only like, 5 hours out of the supposed 9 hours available, things have to be rushed. fuck the phone for muffling things up. instead of CENTRAAL, i went to KESTEREN.
that was like 2 hours away. going back chipped out another 2 hours.
but it went nicely.
netherland's countryside was beautiful. it doesn't have the rolling hills and plains of scotland.
things were much flatter here. and that just makes distance hard to perceive and shit looks HUGE.
it was still foggy even at 2pm.
lucky i was in a safe steel enclosure that is the train.
i don't know what makes the trees there grow tall and at the same height!
it was like, they hire planes with chainsaws attached to the wings pruning the trees every week.
the distance between trees looks almost the same.
the OCD was strong in whoever plant those trees.
wait did i mention about being in a safe enclosure?
yep. the trees look like giant legs in all that fog.
not even in amsterdam and i'm already trippin.
kesteren was like somewhere in the middle of nowhere.
there were like, 2 other people walked out of the train and then they left me there,
confused.
shit got serious when i realize their ticket machines don't accept notes.
how the hell am i going to get 14 pieces coins????
now remember those 2 other people, they were not even local there.
now, i don't know what language they speak there (dutch?) but thank god to whoever that makes them know english.
people i've met were really nice. they've put up with weird shit i did there without any rude remarks, some even offer help with sweet encouragements.
heck i was spoiled back there.
though it seems that they are not as nice with people with a strong, your typical mid-eastern muslim impression.
and amsterdam's courtesy seems to deteriorate over time.
that, brings me to drunkards i've stumbled while strolling the streets at night.
drunk people are rude and drunk strangers, are unpredictable.
(i'll go back later with drunk people)
and the red light district!
haha!
i'll continue later as i need to check out. chiao dia-chan.
heck, i think being separated in edinburgh might be one of the best happened.
just wandering, have no care, no one to restrict my movement (or lack of it), not being bound to a specific time limit.
group traveling is just like walking with tour guide, except you're following someone familiar rather than some stranger.
and they say we have a week of easter break in april.
HAVE to do SOMETHING about it.
now to look for places for backpacking supplies.
and if only the plannings and paperwork (visa, bookings, stuffs like that) were much easier to do.
amsterdam was great. but with only like, 5 hours out of the supposed 9 hours available, things have to be rushed. fuck the phone for muffling things up. instead of CENTRAAL, i went to KESTEREN.
that was like 2 hours away. going back chipped out another 2 hours.
but it went nicely.
netherland's countryside was beautiful. it doesn't have the rolling hills and plains of scotland.
things were much flatter here. and that just makes distance hard to perceive and shit looks HUGE.
it was still foggy even at 2pm.
lucky i was in a safe steel enclosure that is the train.
i don't know what makes the trees there grow tall and at the same height!
it was like, they hire planes with chainsaws attached to the wings pruning the trees every week.
the distance between trees looks almost the same.
the OCD was strong in whoever plant those trees.
wait did i mention about being in a safe enclosure?
yep. the trees look like giant legs in all that fog.
not even in amsterdam and i'm already trippin.
kesteren was like somewhere in the middle of nowhere.
there were like, 2 other people walked out of the train and then they left me there,
confused.
shit got serious when i realize their ticket machines don't accept notes.
how the hell am i going to get 14 pieces coins????
now remember those 2 other people, they were not even local there.
now, i don't know what language they speak there (dutch?) but thank god to whoever that makes them know english.
people i've met were really nice. they've put up with weird shit i did there without any rude remarks, some even offer help with sweet encouragements.
heck i was spoiled back there.
though it seems that they are not as nice with people with a strong, your typical mid-eastern muslim impression.
and amsterdam's courtesy seems to deteriorate over time.
that, brings me to drunkards i've stumbled while strolling the streets at night.
drunk people are rude and drunk strangers, are unpredictable.
(i'll go back later with drunk people)
and the red light district!
haha!
i'll continue later as i need to check out. chiao dia-chan.
muhasabah diri
TU DIA
i've heard of people doing those self discovery journeys in places.
i've thought these, are bullshit.
well, being stranded like this does make me know more about myself.
i'm a laid back, carefree dude who always avoid almost any kind of responsibility.
i'm not the person to easily commit to things. be it study, work, GAME, or relationship. massive motivation are required.
not the kind to easily give up but progress are fucking slow due to procrastination.
and always unsure of my own decision.
that last one did things to my life. things i regret either i did them, or didn't.
i should have just do them without hesitation.
the doubts i had have made me screw things up. i should have been more confident about the choice i've made by MYSELF for myself.
and maybe i should stop clinging on to the past TOO MUCH.
i've heard of people doing those self discovery journeys in places.
i've thought these, are bullshit.
well, being stranded like this does make me know more about myself.
i'm a laid back, carefree dude who always avoid almost any kind of responsibility.
i'm not the person to easily commit to things. be it study, work, GAME, or relationship. massive motivation are required.
not the kind to easily give up but progress are fucking slow due to procrastination.
and always unsure of my own decision.
that last one did things to my life. things i regret either i did them, or didn't.
i should have just do them without hesitation.
the doubts i had have made me screw things up. i should have been more confident about the choice i've made by MYSELF for myself.
and maybe i should stop clinging on to the past TOO MUCH.
8th june!!! motherfucking 8!!!!
well!
sorry for not keeping the promises of lots of posts.
amsterdam won't let me in and here i am stuck in edinburgh.
and that was another 50 great britain pound wasted.
and maybe another 500 is going to.
fuck this shit i'll never trust my money on anybody else.
i'll never trust maybe almost anything on anybody from now on.
cakap semua dah plan tapi ada je tak kena.
nak makan kat kedai je. tuan rumah dah baik hati nak bagi makan ambik je la.
aku pun bangang gak tak pikir ape-ape pun. tu la, bagi lagi orang lain uruskan kerja ko.
padan muka.
FUCK
tak balik malaysia lagi la kot tahun ni.
sial.
kasut baru aku pun sial gak. apsal sakit sangat?
babi
sorry dia-chan. right now, i have this great urge to hit somebody.
ALL THE RAGE
i'll post something more worthy of a reading later this week. or month.
haih...
shit happens. i guess.
it's things like this that makes me don't want to leave my comfort zone of my room.
yet, all those experience i had while walking on foreign and strange places,
they interest me.
like how london's tube sprawling all over city, crowded with all these rushing people.
how laid back cardiff was in the day and then slowly coming to life later late into the night, and then died down again.
how harsh manchester was yet dotted with nice people here and there (out of the few people i've met anyway. well shit, maybe i was just lucky). meh, fuck manchester.
how newcastle was, well, nice? (i'll get to this later. something about newcastle that was pretty interesting yet i can't seem to put my hand on it. the tilting bridge was meh. can't really judge the food but seems the same with any other chicken cottage i've been to. maybe it was the cathedral but that was just because it was in harry potter.)
and edinburgh city felt small and big at the same time (i felt like i could walk to anywhere there but the were so many places to go to). and the camera obscura! fucking vortex tunnel. also,the epic, big, rolling hills.
many other things and places i haven't mention, of course.
so are those i haven't been or seen.
they make me wish for either lots of money or so i can fly.
and a better social skills.
sorry for not keeping the promises of lots of posts.
amsterdam won't let me in and here i am stuck in edinburgh.
and that was another 50 great britain pound wasted.
and maybe another 500 is going to.
fuck this shit i'll never trust my money on anybody else.
i'll never trust maybe almost anything on anybody from now on.
cakap semua dah plan tapi ada je tak kena.
nak makan kat kedai je. tuan rumah dah baik hati nak bagi makan ambik je la.
aku pun bangang gak tak pikir ape-ape pun. tu la, bagi lagi orang lain uruskan kerja ko.
padan muka.
FUCK
tak balik malaysia lagi la kot tahun ni.
sial.
kasut baru aku pun sial gak. apsal sakit sangat?
babi
sorry dia-chan. right now, i have this great urge to hit somebody.
ALL THE RAGE
i'll post something more worthy of a reading later this week. or month.
haih...
shit happens. i guess.
it's things like this that makes me don't want to leave my comfort zone of my room.
yet, all those experience i had while walking on foreign and strange places,
they interest me.
like how london's tube sprawling all over city, crowded with all these rushing people.
how laid back cardiff was in the day and then slowly coming to life later late into the night, and then died down again.
how newcastle was, well, nice? (i'll get to this later. something about newcastle that was pretty interesting yet i can't seem to put my hand on it. the tilting bridge was meh. can't really judge the food but seems the same with any other chicken cottage i've been to. maybe it was the cathedral but that was just because it was in harry potter.)
and edinburgh city felt small and big at the same time (i felt like i could walk to anywhere there but the were so many places to go to). and the camera obscura! fucking vortex tunnel. also,the epic, big, rolling hills.
many other things and places i haven't mention, of course.
so are those i haven't been or seen.
they make me wish for either lots of money or so i can fly.
and a better social skills.
All Frames
newcastle! or just barely touched it.
stepped out of the bus at 12am and 40 minutes later we're already holed up in somebody's attic.
and well fuck me. all those freaking epic shots of london, cardiff and albeit the mediocrity of manchester, were lost.
yep. all of them.
WHAT. THE. FUCK. DID. I. DO.
i mean, who the fuck use frames to refer pictures????
FUCK ME. why the fuck do the memory card have to be full at that fucking moment?? when the only epic view of mediocre manchester could have been shot??
and why would anyone put in a "delete all" function in a fucking camera? where all of the most invaluable memories and those creativity seeds were planted, tended and the fruits of inspiration harvested, ready to be uploaded on somebody's anonymous blog???
and if so, why would they make the function so easily accessible? it's like those stupidly obvious big, red, interestingly labelled self-destruct button located at the freaking main panel of a spaceship like in those old slapstick si-fi comedies.
WHAT THE FUCK
now i'm torn with either to salvage shitty pics from the other cameras or not to upload any at all.
or maybe i'll just start anew. settle with pics i'll take later in amsterdam and maybe use some of those generic google earth images.
no one will notice anyway.
haih....
bodohnye....
that aside, the bus ride to newcastle was boringly plain.
no interesting character appears, no notable event worth of notice.
just a struggle to sleep upright with the hope of not hanging my jaw open or drool myself to embarrassment.
the plan here were to relax and wait for our flight to amsterdam.
in the meantime, i'll make a recap of what happened in london and if there's no writer block or shits, i'll write something about what i would do in amsterdam. things like how i could actually have weeds without getting my ears full of "weih janganla."
due to lack of fapping all week, i had a raging morning wood and some annoying random boners throughout the day.
and a weird erotic dream which almost end up with a wet pants.
i was pudge. with hooks but not fat and undead. all i did in the dream is hooking random girls and have sex. (or what i think sex would feel like. rape in a dream? pfffftt)
but then this one girl, the moment i start thrusting my boner in her she did those dreadful expression.
what i think the face a girl would give if she thinks mine was too... inadequate.
then scenes cut through pretty weird and suddenly i was living a fugitive life.
a wild newspaper page flew in. it read something like,
"HIS DICK IS SO SMALL LOL"
i was sneered by the world!
the horror!
i don't know what woke me up (i try not to recall) but FUCK YOU!
5.5 is the UK AVERAGE! that’s not even the asian average.
anyway, manchester was not that bad. we didn't have a decent meal here. just a choc bar, choc milk, bird food bread (i don't know anymore if i took the loaf out of the bakery section, or the pet section), and a can of sardine.
but who cares about what we had. maybe my mom would cry rivers if she knew about it. heck, she would literally post actual cooked food if she knew what i had daily in alex.
we ate them food in the victoria station. on a bench. observing people.
like somehomeless faggots bosses.
it was fun! it was like, watching those random shitty shows or movies you've download without looking at their ratings, in real life! fully 3D! EPIC definition!
complete with "haha who's the main character? what's the plot of this shit? when will the trains start to transform and wreck shits?"
can't really remember the details of what i've saw.
most of them were boring anyway though there were some interesting people.
eventually, it made me think,
"these people are just like me. just wading through life roughing through shits. some maybe on boats while others just have to deal with planks or nothing at all."
i've always thought everyone are living a life that's revolving around something bigger.
people give shits like spoiled brat to those who they think thought "the world is revolving around them".
i think that is true.
imagine it like this,
i am a dot. everything else is another dots. these dots either revolve slower, faster, going nearer and drifting apart.
what i do may cause these changes.
the main thing is all these dots are not the same. they may react differently to what i did.
it's just a matter of which dots i want to have by my side.
now another things that matter.
these law of dots physics may be applied to the other dots.
damnit!
i'm really bad at spoutingbullshits ideas...
eh...
i had fun.
stepped out of the bus at 12am and 40 minutes later we're already holed up in somebody's attic.
and well fuck me. all those freaking epic shots of london, cardiff and albeit the mediocrity of manchester, were lost.
yep. all of them.
WHAT. THE. FUCK. DID. I. DO.
i mean, who the fuck use frames to refer pictures????
FUCK ME. why the fuck do the memory card have to be full at that fucking moment?? when the only epic view of mediocre manchester could have been shot??
and why would anyone put in a "delete all" function in a fucking camera? where all of the most invaluable memories and those creativity seeds were planted, tended and the fruits of inspiration harvested, ready to be uploaded on somebody's anonymous blog???
and if so, why would they make the function so easily accessible? it's like those stupidly obvious big, red, interestingly labelled self-destruct button located at the freaking main panel of a spaceship like in those old slapstick si-fi comedies.
WHAT THE FUCK
now i'm torn with either to salvage shitty pics from the other cameras or not to upload any at all.
or maybe i'll just start anew. settle with pics i'll take later in amsterdam and maybe use some of those generic google earth images.
no one will notice anyway.
haih....
bodohnye....
that aside, the bus ride to newcastle was boringly plain.
no interesting character appears, no notable event worth of notice.
just a struggle to sleep upright with the hope of not hanging my jaw open or drool myself to embarrassment.
the plan here were to relax and wait for our flight to amsterdam.
in the meantime, i'll make a recap of what happened in london and if there's no writer block or shits, i'll write something about what i would do in amsterdam. things like how i could actually have weeds without getting my ears full of "weih janganla."
due to lack of fapping all week, i had a raging morning wood and some annoying random boners throughout the day.
and a weird erotic dream which almost end up with a wet pants.
i was pudge. with hooks but not fat and undead. all i did in the dream is hooking random girls and have sex. (or what i think sex would feel like. rape in a dream? pfffftt)
but then this one girl, the moment i start thrusting my boner in her she did those dreadful expression.
what i think the face a girl would give if she thinks mine was too... inadequate.
then scenes cut through pretty weird and suddenly i was living a fugitive life.
a wild newspaper page flew in. it read something like,
"HIS DICK IS SO SMALL LOL"
i was sneered by the world!
the horror!
i don't know what woke me up (i try not to recall) but FUCK YOU!
5.5 is the UK AVERAGE! that’s not even the asian average.
anyway, manchester was not that bad. we didn't have a decent meal here. just a choc bar, choc milk, bird food bread (i don't know anymore if i took the loaf out of the bakery section, or the pet section), and a can of sardine.
but who cares about what we had. maybe my mom would cry rivers if she knew about it. heck, she would literally post actual cooked food if she knew what i had daily in alex.
we ate them food in the victoria station. on a bench. observing people.
like some
it was fun! it was like, watching those random shitty shows or movies you've download without looking at their ratings, in real life! fully 3D! EPIC definition!
complete with "haha who's the main character? what's the plot of this shit? when will the trains start to transform and wreck shits?"
can't really remember the details of what i've saw.
most of them were boring anyway though there were some interesting people.
eventually, it made me think,
"these people are just like me. just wading through life roughing through shits. some maybe on boats while others just have to deal with planks or nothing at all."
i've always thought everyone are living a life that's revolving around something bigger.
people give shits like spoiled brat to those who they think thought "the world is revolving around them".
i think that is true.
imagine it like this,
i am a dot. everything else is another dots. these dots either revolve slower, faster, going nearer and drifting apart.
what i do may cause these changes.
the main thing is all these dots are not the same. they may react differently to what i did.
it's just a matter of which dots i want to have by my side.
now another things that matter.
these law of dots physics may be applied to the other dots.
damnit!
i'm really bad at spouting
eh...
i had fun.
bunkhouse!
took the megabus to manchester. nice. as. fuark.
none of the lively girls i had to sit beside with on my way to cardiff (i'll get to that later. if i felt like it.).
walf way though, a man with his daughter took the seats across mine.
the girl had those sweet little girl voice. her english accent doesn't help either. maybe around 5 or 6.
yet, throughout the bus ride she mumbled about some of the most depressing things.
couldn't ask about them myself. his dad is kinda big.
at first she was talking about her snoring. she asked her dad,
"will i ever stop snoring, papa? did i snore loud?"
then she went about, how her friends somewhat made fun of her out of that during a sleepover.
i felt like bitch slapping her friends and say, "no! she had the cutest snores ever!"
but of course i didn't. her dad just said to her, "no worries. you'll grow out of it."
she mumbled a few times, "what if i didn't?".
you will, kid. you will.
by the way, she never slept for the whole journey.
most of the time she played with her dad's iphone or something. those imitating apps.
some of her shit was quite funny. most of them were about her and her dad.
then after about 3 hours in or so, she started to get bored.
"papa, where is mommy?"
shit just got real.
"are we going to mommy's place, papa?"
then she started to mention about her mom in her imitating game.
being a pessimist and not a romantic person, i just assumed it was a divorce.
fuck divorces!
i can't force it on anyone but if i were going to have a kid, i'll make sure to never marry a woman that would ask for a divorce.
and of course, i'll be a dad who will never cause one to happen in my kid's life.
at the end of the bus trip, i didn't get the chance to even see her face. even with reflections all around the windows.
but i could safely assume she was one of those cute ones that would grow up into princesses from the smile a girl in front of her gave while they were on their way out of the bus.
another notable character in there was this guy that had these interesting ways of saying "fuark". besides that, it's how he just called a girl named stephy, and asked her to pick him up later in manchester.
shit you not, the girl was absolutely unsure about doing that from the way the dude talk around, sway off topics a bit, and then start to order with a hint of begging in them.
he even called the girl a few more times later for confirmations, like,
"you'll be there will you, stephy?"
"i'll be there at 9. be there okay?"
"thank you so much, loves. owe you one! nice. as. fuark."
oh well. the dude was a bit loud but decent enough to thank people and not being rude.
unlike that girls i had to sit with on my way to cardiff. they started out loud even before the bus started to run.
reading her friends facebook status out loud like that and then makes remarks of them. if you were going to read and then harshly comment on them, do you think other people care and wouldn't be bothered about it?
then they started to play those kids games. something like "i spy you with my eye" and shits like that.
i was kinda ok with that. 5 hours of sitting still in companies of best friends? No problem.
but when obnoxious words mixed in unnecessarily, better off shut up.
i was hoping for the bus controller to do something about them but it seems like it was not only me who were intimidated by them.
thank god for my ipod!
from how they went from just being loud to acting out weird (ahaha I couldn’t describe them in words), i deduced that they were just having bladder problems.
they did went on and on about how the on board toilet stinks.
cardiff was nice. people there were chill and friendly. much more relaxed than the fast moving london.
and maybe i should mix with people around me more. fuck i am a social retard.
i swear i could have at least get this french girl number or facebook.
she had the bed on top of me. entered the room together. the next morning, while i was getting breakfast she was just standing there looking at toaster which was just beside me!
me? aw hell no that bowl of cereal and a bottle of milk were much more interesting than that cute girl who was literally waiting for me to start some shit, or just some small talks.
fuck! we had eye contacts. we smiled. but i just couldn't bring myself to say a simple, "hi, that was a nifty toaster! 4 breads a go? wow."
GAAAAH!
meh.
anyway, that was cardiff. back to manchester.
oh ya about that dude and his stephy, i couldn't see if she did pick him up or not.
my mate who was in charge of our lodging somehow screwed up a lil bit and we didn't booked one in advance.
took a cab, the driver was KIND. as. fuark.
his name is cameron, ya.
it was around 10pm at the time we were in manchester and we know fuck not about it.
unlike, london were everything is reachable by the tube or cardiff which was nice to the feet, eyes and soul,
manchester was like the new york i saw in movies and tv.
everything was seems harsh. it was drizzling cold. and then this dude cameron came.
he helped us looking for hostel for us to stay for the night.
the first hostel we tried they wouldn't accept us because we don't have a card to book a room.
but this dude, he offered to use his card for that! but we couldn't book a room anyway.
so here i am. in whatever this place is called. (YHA. youth hostel association? it's in potato wharf street)
he brought us here, help me ask out for the details and we had a roof over our heads and a cozy warm beds for tonight.
i don't know if that was one of his job scope or he was just seeking out extra money.
couldn't care more. my bladder was full. my feet were trembling. my neck was crying in aches from being stretched and moved around in weird angles in the bus.
thanks bro! may allah bless ya! (ya. he is a muslim.)
all i could say now is,
these bunk beds i had are much nicer than the one i had in alex.
fuck this shit i don't want to leave this place anymore!
none of the lively girls i had to sit beside with on my way to cardiff (i'll get to that later. if i felt like it.).
walf way though, a man with his daughter took the seats across mine.
the girl had those sweet little girl voice. her english accent doesn't help either. maybe around 5 or 6.
yet, throughout the bus ride she mumbled about some of the most depressing things.
couldn't ask about them myself. his dad is kinda big.
at first she was talking about her snoring. she asked her dad,
"will i ever stop snoring, papa? did i snore loud?"
then she went about, how her friends somewhat made fun of her out of that during a sleepover.
i felt like bitch slapping her friends and say, "no! she had the cutest snores ever!"
but of course i didn't. her dad just said to her, "no worries. you'll grow out of it."
she mumbled a few times, "what if i didn't?".
you will, kid. you will.
by the way, she never slept for the whole journey.
most of the time she played with her dad's iphone or something. those imitating apps.
some of her shit was quite funny. most of them were about her and her dad.
then after about 3 hours in or so, she started to get bored.
"papa, where is mommy?"
shit just got real.
"are we going to mommy's place, papa?"
then she started to mention about her mom in her imitating game.
being a pessimist and not a romantic person, i just assumed it was a divorce.
fuck divorces!
i can't force it on anyone but if i were going to have a kid, i'll make sure to never marry a woman that would ask for a divorce.
and of course, i'll be a dad who will never cause one to happen in my kid's life.
at the end of the bus trip, i didn't get the chance to even see her face. even with reflections all around the windows.
but i could safely assume she was one of those cute ones that would grow up into princesses from the smile a girl in front of her gave while they were on their way out of the bus.
another notable character in there was this guy that had these interesting ways of saying "fuark". besides that, it's how he just called a girl named stephy, and asked her to pick him up later in manchester.
shit you not, the girl was absolutely unsure about doing that from the way the dude talk around, sway off topics a bit, and then start to order with a hint of begging in them.
he even called the girl a few more times later for confirmations, like,
"you'll be there will you, stephy?"
"i'll be there at 9. be there okay?"
"thank you so much, loves. owe you one! nice. as. fuark."
oh well. the dude was a bit loud but decent enough to thank people and not being rude.
unlike that girls i had to sit with on my way to cardiff. they started out loud even before the bus started to run.
reading her friends facebook status out loud like that and then makes remarks of them. if you were going to read and then harshly comment on them, do you think other people care and wouldn't be bothered about it?
then they started to play those kids games. something like "i spy you with my eye" and shits like that.
i was kinda ok with that. 5 hours of sitting still in companies of best friends? No problem.
but when obnoxious words mixed in unnecessarily, better off shut up.
i was hoping for the bus controller to do something about them but it seems like it was not only me who were intimidated by them.
thank god for my ipod!
from how they went from just being loud to acting out weird (ahaha I couldn’t describe them in words), i deduced that they were just having bladder problems.
they did went on and on about how the on board toilet stinks.
cardiff was nice. people there were chill and friendly. much more relaxed than the fast moving london.
and maybe i should mix with people around me more. fuck i am a social retard.
i swear i could have at least get this french girl number or facebook.
she had the bed on top of me. entered the room together. the next morning, while i was getting breakfast she was just standing there looking at toaster which was just beside me!
me? aw hell no that bowl of cereal and a bottle of milk were much more interesting than that cute girl who was literally waiting for me to start some shit, or just some small talks.
fuck! we had eye contacts. we smiled. but i just couldn't bring myself to say a simple, "hi, that was a nifty toaster! 4 breads a go? wow."
GAAAAH!
meh.
anyway, that was cardiff. back to manchester.
oh ya about that dude and his stephy, i couldn't see if she did pick him up or not.
my mate who was in charge of our lodging somehow screwed up a lil bit and we didn't booked one in advance.
took a cab, the driver was KIND. as. fuark.
his name is cameron, ya.
it was around 10pm at the time we were in manchester and we know fuck not about it.
unlike, london were everything is reachable by the tube or cardiff which was nice to the feet, eyes and soul,
manchester was like the new york i saw in movies and tv.
everything was seems harsh. it was drizzling cold. and then this dude cameron came.
he helped us looking for hostel for us to stay for the night.
the first hostel we tried they wouldn't accept us because we don't have a card to book a room.
but this dude, he offered to use his card for that! but we couldn't book a room anyway.
so here i am. in whatever this place is called. (YHA. youth hostel association? it's in potato wharf street)
he brought us here, help me ask out for the details and we had a roof over our heads and a cozy warm beds for tonight.
i don't know if that was one of his job scope or he was just seeking out extra money.
couldn't care more. my bladder was full. my feet were trembling. my neck was crying in aches from being stretched and moved around in weird angles in the bus.
thanks bro! may allah bless ya! (ya. he is a muslim.)
all i could say now is,
these bunk beds i had are much nicer than the one i had in alex.
fuck this shit i don't want to leave this place anymore!
scouting day 6
ye saya saje skip day 5 and the rest of em.
i'm in Cardiff now. chilling in a bar that is also the bunk i'm staying the night in.
and when i said chilling, it's more to the freezing side.
played dota while watching people hanging around here in the middle of the night.
felt awkward and so out of place!
well shit, my battery is almost out and the guy who has been hogging the electric outlet is still there. guess i'll just have to wait till newcastle then.
anyway, the trip has been nice so far. first stop was in london. i stayed in a friend of a friend place.
end up, an old close friend of mine was there too!
london was average. things were very interesting but seems like it became kind of, ordinary after a while. SO many things are overhyped shits. thank god it's raining just for a day.
food here seems almost the same as everywhere else which serves continental/english food.
now don't get me wrong. london was GREAT!
it's just that the tourist attractions were really overrated and overhyped.it's the atmosphere, the architectural designs (the fuck am i writing???), and the people
meh. maybe i was just bored of everything else. but anyway, the people i was with
mmmm i'll just finish this later. have to wake up early for that all you can eat toast for breakfast.
by the way, the bed here is comfy as hell! tambah lak sejuk2 ni.
too bad the room was kinda cramped and not really a co-ed hostel...
i'm in Cardiff now. chilling in a bar that is also the bunk i'm staying the night in.
and when i said chilling, it's more to the freezing side.
played dota while watching people hanging around here in the middle of the night.
felt awkward and so out of place!
well shit, my battery is almost out and the guy who has been hogging the electric outlet is still there. guess i'll just have to wait till newcastle then.
anyway, the trip has been nice so far. first stop was in london. i stayed in a friend of a friend place.
end up, an old close friend of mine was there too!
london was average. things were very interesting but seems like it became kind of, ordinary after a while. SO many things are overhyped shits. thank god it's raining just for a day.
food here seems almost the same as everywhere else which serves continental/english food.
now don't get me wrong. london was GREAT!
it's just that the tourist attractions were really overrated and overhyped.
meh. maybe i was just bored of everything else. but anyway, the people i was with
mmmm i'll just finish this later. have to wake up early for that all you can eat toast for breakfast.
by the way, the bed here is comfy as hell! tambah lak sejuk2 ni.
too bad the room was kinda cramped and not really a co-ed hostel...
horny as fuck
just 2 days without fapping and i already got these mild urges to either pull somebody's pretty hair or grab random girl's ass.
good thing i rarely step out of my room.
haha i'm really going to regret posting this kind of shit.
good thing i rarely step out of my room.
haha i'm really going to regret posting this kind of shit.
better late than never
even though some things that i did were pretentious, doesn't mean i shouldn't do them.
why? it's for the sake of my sanity.
like a friend said, "ko jangan tak kluar rumah.. jap, bukan. ko jangan tak kluar bilik. keluar la sehari sekali ke."
or something like that.
well, at first i thought staying put in 1 place for a very long time won't have any significant effect on my daily life.
it's not about what happens after i did that. it's about what happens while i'm in isolation.
lose track of time, no sense of priorities, severe laziness, lack of self-control, the works.
generally how to become irresponsible.
yep. they're in this laptop. all these entertainments and distractions!!!
skyrim la. haganai la. dota la.
FUCK
WAKE UP
this, is the kind of thoughts that i consider pretentious. most of the time, due to my lack of willpower, there's not much of a follow-through to it. for the sake of not wasting efforts into something wasteful, i would just cut the thought at "like a friend said," and continue on with whatever i deemed a better use of the time i had after WAKING UP AT FUCKING 1 PM. KELAS APE MULA PUKUL 1 PETANG????
heck, even writing this entry makes me want to just switch tabs.
"all or none"
"ignorance is a bliss"
"life is simple"
opinion like these only works for something simple.
only ignorant think life is simple.
this isn't working. i really need somebody else to tell me things like these to my face.
btw, esok exam. study.
why? it's for the sake of my sanity.
like a friend said, "ko jangan tak kluar rumah.. jap, bukan. ko jangan tak kluar bilik. keluar la sehari sekali ke."
or something like that.
well, at first i thought staying put in 1 place for a very long time won't have any significant effect on my daily life.
it's not about what happens after i did that. it's about what happens while i'm in isolation.
lose track of time, no sense of priorities, severe laziness, lack of self-control, the works.
generally how to become irresponsible.
yep. they're in this laptop. all these entertainments and distractions!!!
skyrim la. haganai la. dota la.
FUCK
WAKE UP
this, is the kind of thoughts that i consider pretentious. most of the time, due to my lack of willpower, there's not much of a follow-through to it. for the sake of not wasting efforts into something wasteful, i would just cut the thought at "like a friend said," and continue on with whatever i deemed a better use of the time i had after WAKING UP AT FUCKING 1 PM. KELAS APE MULA PUKUL 1 PETANG????
heck, even writing this entry makes me want to just switch tabs.
"all or none"
"ignorance is a bliss"
"life is simple"
opinion like these only works for something simple.
only ignorant think life is simple.
this isn't working. i really need somebody else to tell me things like these to my face.
>somebody else
that is a problem...btw, esok exam. study.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)