decompression

my state of mind right now is a total clusterfuck!
i don't think i remember anytime else when i'm feeling so dissociated from reality.
i cant focus on my classes. the moment i set to them, i would just wander off. i feel like skipping them all and not care of the consequences. fuck it, out of 6 days of lectures, i might have attended only half of them.
i've been listening to musics all day. playing games and watching animes regardless if they are shitty or not. my mind and emotion keep see-sawing between despair and something but totally not euphoria. i keep wishing for somewhere to escape to but what bothers me is i don't know what i'm escaping from.

and not to mention how i keep flashing back my past randomly at random times. even when i'm talking to somebody.

and my thoughts are all still jumbled up as fuck. i don't know how to put it down. but it's distressing enough that it makes me writing here.


and fuck these edgy-dark theme i have going on here!