even though i knew she wasn't that into me (me neither), i still look over online list for her name. i still steal glances in class. i still wait for her to be alone just to say hi.
oh well, it isn't like i have an actual gf right now anyway. she needs me for her ego, i need her for practice. win-win, no?
let's just pray i won't fall for her again.
and you know what? fuck computers. i'm going to save up money and buy a bike. and for license too la.
yep. that is my key to freedom.
all this while, i thought, walking around is enough, peeking the world through the internet is enough. but that is just it, am i going to walk for miles just to go to mamak? am i going to hear, see all those beautiful colors in places just through youtube and google image?
with a bike, i don't have to care about schedules. nak lepak? pegi je. tak yah nak call teksi. i don't need to answer annoying questions like, "pegi sana memalam ni buat ape?".
fuck i hate it when they ask that. aku punye pasal la!
and music. i'll start taking guitar lessons.
not because i'm going to impress anyone in particular.
it's just that, all my life i've been awed by all the soothing, energizing, exciting blend of sounds. i've been LISTENING to these for my whole life but i know deep inside, i wish i could conjure some of them myself, if not for someone else, it is for myself.
i'm all fired up right now but i don't know when will it start to dim.
maybe i'll just ask myself this when it does happen,
"why haven't i started yet?"
"why am i still dteaming?"
Please shut the fuck up
That is me cursing me.
Yep. I seriously have to stop lying or risk having a complicated life full of unreasonable lies.
Fuck that. Even by being honest could do that.
I always have this idea going in my head that, "if i'm gonna lie, make it true then."
Managed to do that for all 22 years of living.
But i dont't know, fuck you pp. Aku tak tau ape ko nak tunjuk kat aku malam tu but seriously, the way these guys approach girls is way too crude for me to apprehend.
Tactless.
"Hi. Saya nak kenal, boleh?"
What the fuck!?
Fuck this shit but thanks to you guys, i've realized what exactly i've been doing to get my share of girls all these time.
ALWAYS PUT GIRLS AS SECONDARY OBJECTIVE.
Never as primary because i'll get all awkward and in the end, i'll just bail out of it and end up like a jerk.
Never lessen the priority of this objective as, i won't have the motivation to continue the current primary ones.
So they didn't approach me? Their loss.
I won't get any? Lots of girls that are actually interested enough to directly go to me and try to start a conversation. None? Not the right place/time then.
Either that is the right way to have a girl or i'm just not really cut it to follow however these guys do it.
I admit i'm not a smooth talker.
I think i've cured my nervousness around girls. That is including pretty girls. It just that, i don't really know what to know about a girl. Most of the things a female would be interested to share with me are boring anyway. And vice versa...
Gah enough of that. I just hate new things, that is all. Being single and a quite loner is confortable enough for me right now. To change that would means effort and i'm just too lazy for that right now.
Speaking about changes, FUCK YOU GUMBY!!!
Fuck with all the rebels and shit happened lately.
Damn la mubarak... Turun lambat sket boleh tak?
Here i thought i would have 3 months of time to do something about myself right now.
13 march? That is like, barely 1 month! You've ruined The Plan!!!
I don't know. I've planned many things for the presumed 3 months of breaks. Learn to ride a bike, hone my driving skillz (cewah!), have a guitar basic, and bulk up for the actual summer.
Yeah yeah i know i should have done them for my 18th birthday but hey, better late than never eh?
Haih... I've been taking life really easy for the past 12 years. Being a 22 without much mating-oriented skills really eating up my self esteem. Ok not really that much la but still, i really could do better.
Semua sebab malas nak berubah. Apa nak jadi ni? *in a wise grandpa tone. Or something like that. Whatever.*
Amik ko muhasabah diri sket.
Anyway, all the evacuation ordeal, they are not really that sucks. Hell! I might say, they are quite a nice experience too!
Sape tak suke? Makan free, xyah fikir banyak, xyah buat kerja, no lectures, classess, assignments, having good time with friends all day.
One thing though, being uncertain about things, especially life, really stressing me out.
Thank god i've already know when my classes gonna start.
No seriously, not knowing things is a major blunder. Specifically, things that already took efforts. Like, exam results and dates.
Makes me want to be a 12 ye-
upsr.... Fuck i had a shitty life ke?
Can i be that loner asian kid in a american highschool? Forever? *hint. Vampire, or werewolf, or whatever*
By the way, writing on the internet on a ipad is cool as hell. Too bad for the shitty safari. Can't scroll down? No spellcheck?!
Are you fucking shitting me?!
Yep. I seriously have to stop lying or risk having a complicated life full of unreasonable lies.
Fuck that. Even by being honest could do that.
I always have this idea going in my head that, "if i'm gonna lie, make it true then."
Managed to do that for all 22 years of living.
But i dont't know, fuck you pp. Aku tak tau ape ko nak tunjuk kat aku malam tu but seriously, the way these guys approach girls is way too crude for me to apprehend.
Tactless.
"Hi. Saya nak kenal, boleh?"
What the fuck!?
Fuck this shit but thanks to you guys, i've realized what exactly i've been doing to get my share of girls all these time.
ALWAYS PUT GIRLS AS SECONDARY OBJECTIVE.
Never as primary because i'll get all awkward and in the end, i'll just bail out of it and end up like a jerk.
Never lessen the priority of this objective as, i won't have the motivation to continue the current primary ones.
So they didn't approach me? Their loss.
I won't get any? Lots of girls that are actually interested enough to directly go to me and try to start a conversation. None? Not the right place/time then.
Either that is the right way to have a girl or i'm just not really cut it to follow however these guys do it.
I admit i'm not a smooth talker.
I think i've cured my nervousness around girls. That is including pretty girls. It just that, i don't really know what to know about a girl. Most of the things a female would be interested to share with me are boring anyway. And vice versa...
Gah enough of that. I just hate new things, that is all. Being single and a quite loner is confortable enough for me right now. To change that would means effort and i'm just too lazy for that right now.
Speaking about changes, FUCK YOU GUMBY!!!
Fuck with all the rebels and shit happened lately.
Damn la mubarak... Turun lambat sket boleh tak?
Here i thought i would have 3 months of time to do something about myself right now.
13 march? That is like, barely 1 month! You've ruined The Plan!!!
I don't know. I've planned many things for the presumed 3 months of breaks. Learn to ride a bike, hone my driving skillz (cewah!), have a guitar basic, and bulk up for the actual summer.
Yeah yeah i know i should have done them for my 18th birthday but hey, better late than never eh?
Haih... I've been taking life really easy for the past 12 years. Being a 22 without much mating-oriented skills really eating up my self esteem. Ok not really that much la but still, i really could do better.
Semua sebab malas nak berubah. Apa nak jadi ni? *in a wise grandpa tone. Or something like that. Whatever.*
Amik ko muhasabah diri sket.
Anyway, all the evacuation ordeal, they are not really that sucks. Hell! I might say, they are quite a nice experience too!
Sape tak suke? Makan free, xyah fikir banyak, xyah buat kerja, no lectures, classess, assignments, having good time with friends all day.
One thing though, being uncertain about things, especially life, really stressing me out.
Thank god i've already know when my classes gonna start.
No seriously, not knowing things is a major blunder. Specifically, things that already took efforts. Like, exam results and dates.
Makes me want to be a 12 ye-
upsr.... Fuck i had a shitty life ke?
Can i be that loner asian kid in a american highschool? Forever? *hint. Vampire, or werewolf, or whatever*
By the way, writing on the internet on a ipad is cool as hell. Too bad for the shitty safari. Can't scroll down? No spellcheck?!
Are you fucking shitting me?!
fucking world!
thanks for not being a forever jerk.
thanks for giving me back my internet.
thanks for letting me post craps and stuff here. AGAIN.
it was like, 5 days i've been cut out from the rest of the world.
the first 2 days, i was stuck with nothing but crappy games and isolation.
curfew from 2pm till 8am. shit you not.
then the rest of them, lan party like no tomorrow. (literally, it was like, we're not going to see any other place other than this crappy place.)
ok wait no really i don't actually care about these whole, being-stuck-in-a-unstable-country-apparently-having-a-riot-that-was-about-toppling-their-government-thingie.
it's just, i'm quite happy that i could see the rest of the world out there.
really glad that i can finally get to express thoughts in 4chan.
really glad that i can finally (tedious. i'm just going to use blah for this for the next- you know what, forget it. i'm not going to bother explaining shit.)
ask people about if whether i'm going to go back home, for free. (thank you government)
ok again, i don't really care about all this shit. i just want to get back to my old life. slacking around, don't have to care much about my self except for porn and stuff.
there was so many things i've going on in my head during those 5 days of crappy food and not having decent place to sleep. i don't really know where to start but seriously, i'm kinda glad that i had them. either i saw things differently or saw things i didn't even know they were there. i'll just go with the first thing that came around. let see...
suddenly, so many people cared about me. facebook, email, missed calls.
some few close friends i've had, relatives, those were expected. but suddenly some past 5 years distant acquaintances expressed their concern and all.
my thought? my interest in social interaction was renewed. i am looking forward to meeting new people. i don't really care about any ulterior motives. knowing that i am not alone really fires me up to meet new people. i wont openly embrace being a socialite but i won't curse life if i were to acquaint strangers.
then again, the world ain't all about me and my life. i thought i was somewhat special for being a student stuck in the middle of another country political upheaval.
guess what? i am just one of them students stuck in the middle of another country political upheaval.
i've look into other dwellings that i had frequented. no it's not about "oh please save them poor students in egypt!".
nope. they still talking about their usual porn and stuff.
oh well. my thought? even though i am kinda gifted with some things, i'm not that special. but this leads to something else! which is:
(somehow i loose it while looking at something else. i'll continue about this at some other time.)
i am begin to have a second thought whether pursuing a medical degree is the right choice. so many strange news about me having to restart my degree. what would that mean? second chance. and no. not in medicine. i've thought about taking business or account or even law. or maybe help my father manages all of his farms at kampung.
i don't know, as long as not medic.
well, that was the extreme. maybe doing medicine in malaysia isn't a bad thing either.
my thought? now, i believe that there is always a second chance for everything. screwed up big? it's ok. ada hikmah.
to be continued...
thanks for giving me back my internet.
thanks for letting me post craps and stuff here. AGAIN.
it was like, 5 days i've been cut out from the rest of the world.
the first 2 days, i was stuck with nothing but crappy games and isolation.
curfew from 2pm till 8am. shit you not.
then the rest of them, lan party like no tomorrow. (literally, it was like, we're not going to see any other place other than this crappy place.)
ok wait no really i don't actually care about these whole, being-stuck-in-a-unstable-country-apparently-having-a-riot-that-was-about-toppling-their-government-thingie.
it's just, i'm quite happy that i could see the rest of the world out there.
really glad that i can finally get to express thoughts in 4chan.
really glad that i can finally (tedious. i'm just going to use blah for this for the next- you know what, forget it. i'm not going to bother explaining shit.)
ask people about if whether i'm going to go back home, for free. (thank you government)
ok again, i don't really care about all this shit. i just want to get back to my old life. slacking around, don't have to care much about my self except for porn and stuff.
there was so many things i've going on in my head during those 5 days of crappy food and not having decent place to sleep. i don't really know where to start but seriously, i'm kinda glad that i had them. either i saw things differently or saw things i didn't even know they were there. i'll just go with the first thing that came around. let see...
suddenly, so many people cared about me. facebook, email, missed calls.
some few close friends i've had, relatives, those were expected. but suddenly some past 5 years distant acquaintances expressed their concern and all.
my thought? my interest in social interaction was renewed. i am looking forward to meeting new people. i don't really care about any ulterior motives. knowing that i am not alone really fires me up to meet new people. i wont openly embrace being a socialite but i won't curse life if i were to acquaint strangers.
then again, the world ain't all about me and my life. i thought i was somewhat special for being a student stuck in the middle of another country political upheaval.
guess what? i am just one of them students stuck in the middle of another country political upheaval.
i've look into other dwellings that i had frequented. no it's not about "oh please save them poor students in egypt!".
nope. they still talking about their usual porn and stuff.
oh well. my thought? even though i am kinda gifted with some things, i'm not that special. but this leads to something else! which is:
(somehow i loose it while looking at something else. i'll continue about this at some other time.)
i am begin to have a second thought whether pursuing a medical degree is the right choice. so many strange news about me having to restart my degree. what would that mean? second chance. and no. not in medicine. i've thought about taking business or account or even law. or maybe help my father manages all of his farms at kampung.
i don't know, as long as not medic.
well, that was the extreme. maybe doing medicine in malaysia isn't a bad thing either.
my thought? now, i believe that there is always a second chance for everything. screwed up big? it's ok. ada hikmah.
to be continued...
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