i've never kept anybody else's pictures because most of the time, those pictures are taken not for me but just for people in general.
keeping any of that pictures for my personal emotional needs just feels wrong.
so, i keep mental images.
it's me who make it, mine to keep. property/identity questioned? "that's not her." :P
porn, on the other hand...
that's not emotional need, is it?
parenting
if i ever had a kid, i will never let them into any boarding school.
and i'll try not to take any job that involves too many moving.
and yes, i'll force that weather he/she like it or not. :P
sure it's being independent and all but at the cost of his/her childhood?
i don't know if it's just me who screwed up or i just can't seem to find any friends to go out everytime i had a holiday in those days. everyone is in the norths while i'm in my home in jb. i don't even get any tuition friends or things like that as going one would be redundant. mom and dad always said, "ikut peraturan sekolah, jangan buat hal. kita bukan orang senang". i was a conservative, law-abiding student.
i don't really blame everything on my parents' parenting. (they've been good to me for all my life and and my only comfort in times. thanks you guys!)
i'm actually blaming myself for being too lazy to socialize. it's just my luck that i had bad experiences with people.
i can't even hold any decent conversation. i can't express myself with anything (music, art, politic, religion, even scientific works). i can't seem to remember people's name for long unless i meet them every-damning-hour.
in the end, all i have are the tv, the internet, peoples' blogs,
peoples' life.
i've been rebellious with how i hate my birthday, how i don't want anyone to pick me up in the airport, how i always wanted to live all by myself, how i wear differently than everybody else,
because i couldn't properly have my childhood.
the one i had was before i was 12.
the rest are academic stress, peer torture, senior bullies and survival pressure.
me alive everything else is secondary.
maybe it's not too late.
i have almost nothing of the past.
i just hope entering medical field won't take out anything else from me.
(yet i'm sensing something would go wrong...)
i'm gonna be a bad daddy.
and i'll try not to take any job that involves too many moving.
and yes, i'll force that weather he/she like it or not. :P
sure it's being independent and all but at the cost of his/her childhood?
i don't know if it's just me who screwed up or i just can't seem to find any friends to go out everytime i had a holiday in those days. everyone is in the norths while i'm in my home in jb. i don't even get any tuition friends or things like that as going one would be redundant. mom and dad always said, "ikut peraturan sekolah, jangan buat hal. kita bukan orang senang". i was a conservative, law-abiding student.
i don't really blame everything on my parents' parenting. (they've been good to me for all my life and and my only comfort in times. thanks you guys!)
i'm actually blaming myself for being too lazy to socialize. it's just my luck that i had bad experiences with people.
i can't even hold any decent conversation. i can't express myself with anything (music, art, politic, religion, even scientific works). i can't seem to remember people's name for long unless i meet them every-damning-hour.
in the end, all i have are the tv, the internet, peoples' blogs,
peoples' life.
i've been rebellious with how i hate my birthday, how i don't want anyone to pick me up in the airport, how i always wanted to live all by myself, how i wear differently than everybody else,
because i couldn't properly have my childhood.
the one i had was before i was 12.
the rest are academic stress, peer torture, senior bullies and survival pressure.
me alive everything else is secondary.
maybe it's not too late.
i have almost nothing of the past.
i just hope entering medical field won't take out anything else from me.
(yet i'm sensing something would go wrong...)
i'm gonna be a bad daddy.
airhead
wow
being all alone in this even tiny apartment could make me so suffocated by loneliness.
fine, i never said i'm a guy who cope well with solitariness.
it's not like i can't live without people.
more like, it's kinda hard to adapt myself to this newfound privacy. (hell yeah! you don't know what i can do in the living room...)
i think afraid of changes is more appropriate though.
even though i've gotten all the freedom currently available for me now, the fact that i have no one to flaunt it just demotivate me from doing anything stupid.
it always fun taking a dump while fully naked and with the toilet door wide open.
thank god it's summer so i have to open all the windows.
but these diarrhea really getting on my nerves. lucky i never had one in any of my exams.
speaking about diarrhea, i really want to have another taste of that appic-tomyum-kai.
no no no. it's not the tomyum that gave me that nasty appendicitis. it's the steamed snapper i bet. *denialdenial*
anyway, i still have 3 more exams to go. the repeat papers. sial la...
and i still can't decide whether i want to stick with my desktop anymore or sell it.
now i start to love this loneliness.
no wait- there's another word for it. same meaning as lone but with a brighter mood...
even though i feel insecure, uncertain, i do get a feeling of comfort. a sense of belonging.
feel like no one could bother me anytime now.
like, i have all the liberty and rights to do anything i want here in this, home(?).
^_^
this reminds me the time in my 1st year where i had a room all by my self.
even though there is still study stress, there is also calmness.
if only this place is cleaner... (that reminds me to buy plastic bags and rubber gloves)
*sigh*
deep down, i still want her.
ok. not exactly her. i just wish i have someone who would hug me.
especially at times like this. i don't know. i'm still 21. my conscious says, "it's too troublesome. x payah la" but yet, the moments myego guard is down, my subconscious would project things like, random girl giving me a warm hug or kiss. it was so real...
actually, there are lots of things running through my head currently but i just don't have the will to write them down. it feels like all those thoughts would be nice to entertain but yet it would be unproductive and this, makes me demotivated. both to write em down and my general me.
how i crave for malaysian food.
being all alone in this even tiny apartment could make me so suffocated by loneliness.
fine, i never said i'm a guy who cope well with solitariness.
it's not like i can't live without people.
more like, it's kinda hard to adapt myself to this newfound privacy. (hell yeah! you don't know what i can do in the living room...)
i think afraid of changes is more appropriate though.
even though i've gotten all the freedom currently available for me now, the fact that i have no one to flaunt it just demotivate me from doing anything stupid.
it always fun taking a dump while fully naked and with the toilet door wide open.
thank god it's summer so i have to open all the windows.
but these diarrhea really getting on my nerves. lucky i never had one in any of my exams.
speaking about diarrhea, i really want to have another taste of that appic-tomyum-kai.
no no no. it's not the tomyum that gave me that nasty appendicitis. it's the steamed snapper i bet. *denialdenial*
anyway, i still have 3 more exams to go. the repeat papers. sial la...
and i still can't decide whether i want to stick with my desktop anymore or sell it.
now i start to love this loneliness.
no wait- there's another word for it. same meaning as lone but with a brighter mood...
even though i feel insecure, uncertain, i do get a feeling of comfort. a sense of belonging.
feel like no one could bother me anytime now.
like, i have all the liberty and rights to do anything i want here in this, home(?).
^_^
this reminds me the time in my 1st year where i had a room all by my self.
even though there is still study stress, there is also calmness.
if only this place is cleaner... (that reminds me to buy plastic bags and rubber gloves)
*sigh*
deep down, i still want her.
ok. not exactly her. i just wish i have someone who would hug me.
especially at times like this. i don't know. i'm still 21. my conscious says, "it's too troublesome. x payah la" but yet, the moments my
actually, there are lots of things running through my head currently but i just don't have the will to write them down. it feels like all those thoughts would be nice to entertain but yet it would be unproductive and this, makes me demotivated. both to write em down and my general me.
how i crave for malaysian food.
and i prevailed! (continued)
parasitology exam was so-so.
though all those long, confusing names of each just making me sick.
speaking of sick, back to appendicitis.
i don't really have much to say about it except,
my pain threshold has diminished over time, i think i've gone lazy with all those willpower endurance trainings.
no. it's none of those specific uber hard exercises.
it's just life.
contradicting myself, is a little habit of mine i just can't really grow out of it.
example,
i always thought, "people lie" (actually, it has a more of a description for it but i just refer it to house's) but yet,
.
.
what did i just say?
fine... i don't really think.
it takes too much effort to think about something that would surely happen.
like, reality for example. a girl who i stalked posted "reality works, so it's boring.", or something to that effect.
ok i don't feel like finishing this.
*sigh*
these self thought provoking sure are tedious.
i have realized now!
i am toorepulsive. or is it impulsive.?
goddamnit my english have failed me...
thank god i don't really have a psychopathic personality.
most of the things i did were harmless. but admittedly stupid.
heck. now i don't even think i am impulsive.
more like, impulsive mind. i think of something, 50% probability of me doing it.
wait... isn't that impulsive? or is it?
at times, i do think words just don't cut it.
i hate using pictures as it contains so many words but without explanations.
vlogs require a webcam and too much efforts.
voice blog, i don't really like my voice.
ever had times where you really have something to say out loud yet having trouble constructing that thoughts of yours as it was too scrambled up, explaining shits over 3 times couldn't even make em comprehensible.
feels like, your thoughts was in clouds and mist.
i'm having one. >.<
though all those long, confusing names of each just making me sick.
speaking of sick, back to appendicitis.
i don't really have much to say about it except,
my pain threshold has diminished over time, i think i've gone lazy with all those willpower endurance trainings.
no. it's none of those specific uber hard exercises.
it's just life.
contradicting myself, is a little habit of mine i just can't really grow out of it.
example,
i always thought, "people lie" (actually, it has a more of a description for it but i just refer it to house's) but yet,
.
.
what did i just say?
fine... i don't really think.
it takes too much effort to think about something that would surely happen.
like, reality for example. a girl who i stalked posted "reality works, so it's boring.", or something to that effect.
ok i don't feel like finishing this.
*sigh*
these self thought provoking sure are tedious.
i have realized now!
i am too
thank god i don't really have a psychopathic personality.
most of the things i did were harmless. but admittedly stupid.
heck. now i don't even think i am impulsive.
more like, impulsive mind. i think of something, 50% probability of me doing it.
wait... isn't that impulsive? or is it?
at times, i do think words just don't cut it.
i hate using pictures as it contains so many words but without explanations.
vlogs require a webcam and too much efforts.
voice blog, i don't really like my voice.
ever had times where you really have something to say out loud yet having trouble constructing that thoughts of yours as it was too scrambled up, explaining shits over 3 times couldn't even make em comprehensible.
feels like, your thoughts was in clouds and mist.
i'm having one. >.<
and i prevailed!
fuck the pain!
i ain't feelin ya!
no seriously, the pain is almost unbearable.
i think i drooled and bubbled my mouth while wrinkled-fetal-position at the corner of my bed, in the far corner of my room, in pain.
and yet, pain subsided, whatever in my lower right quadrant right now is healing well.
i have so many random thoughts lately but i really shouldn't writing in here.
bloody parasitology. 3 hours to go.
i'll write my thoughts later.
later!
i ain't feelin ya!
no seriously, the pain is almost unbearable.
i think i drooled and bubbled my mouth while wrinkled-fetal-position at the corner of my bed, in the far corner of my room, in pain.
and yet, pain subsided, whatever in my lower right quadrant right now is healing well.
i have so many random thoughts lately but i really shouldn't writing in here.
bloody parasitology. 3 hours to go.
i'll write my thoughts later.
later!
hell
3 hours just now was a hell ride.
i don't know if i'm right but i self diagnosed myself as appendicitis.
the pain started dull but gradually grew, more painful.
on 3 pm, i took a tab of ibuprofen. miracles!
life goes on painfree until after i had dinner, around 10.
the pain was so unbearable, i started to hallucinate.
it's kinda traumatic so lets leave it there, k?
point is, during those trips, suddenly the pain stopped!
thank god it stopped!
thank god.
the end.
seriously, if that trip was an interrogation, i don't know what might leak out.
i don't know if i'm right but i self diagnosed myself as appendicitis.
the pain started dull but gradually grew, more painful.
on 3 pm, i took a tab of ibuprofen. miracles!
life goes on painfree until after i had dinner, around 10.
the pain was so unbearable, i started to hallucinate.
it's kinda traumatic so lets leave it there, k?
point is, during those trips, suddenly the pain stopped!
thank god it stopped!
thank god.
the end.
seriously, if that trip was an interrogation, i don't know what might leak out.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)