I don't think i would want wings

Who am i kidding?!
Fuck yeah! Wings!

Instead of sitting here writing some rants, i could've just fly around up above the sea, spreading my wings surfing the winds.

I wonder what it would be like to rush through clouds, diving down and swirl back up!

Fuck, i don't need wings!
Gimme a broom and some magics!

That reminds me of my childhood.
Rowling pretty much ruined my it. I waited for those letters to come!
But of course, I'm not a British citizen...

That aside, i don't know if i would actually fly if i ever have one. I mean, i can't stop thinking what would happen if i cramped mid flight. How to land? Changing course?
If learning to wing it is as same as learning to ride, I'd better have immortality too. Fast regeneration and what not.

Maybe someday I'll learn how to ride a kite.

Now i realize, I've kinda spent most of my life waiting for the impossibles.
Want to know how i went through my boarding school? The thing that kept me going and living?
The thought/fantasy that someday, some female robot would come and give me some technologically advanced watch or implant, download herself into that and be my jarvis, with the ability to manipulate space and physic.
Some other time i imagined a puteri bunian came into my dream, proposed and I'll get all the perks of having a magical wife.
On a more, upsetting time, having some succubus sucking my life away or makes me her personal demonic slave is enough to purge my despair.

There's a time where i just read through the Qoran at the back of the surau.....

Thinking back, i only run from conflicts...
Pathetic!

I think, the moment i register myself at langkawi by myself, that's when i think,

"screw the world"

My head was clear but there's nothing left for motivation.
I just deal with shits and man up.
Half of the time...
My self worth was pretty shit too.
Until i meet, people.
I realise, being selfish and having high self regard is the only way to go through most of life.
Being responsible to myself.
Having my own pride and honour.

Ah well. Time for class.

judgmental hypocrite

...

i realized i'm the kind of guy that blame a girl wears for them being molested. not realizing it's the pervert's hands that should be burned.
stone a girl to death for being raped. not cutting off the rapist dicks and balls and ridicule him for the rest of his life.

of course, being a hypocrite, i couldn't bring myself to write all the wrong things that happened in this world because in this particular post, i'm relating myself to these pricks.
it hurts my pride to do so.
said the hypocrite...

and it's weird and seems inappropriate for this to come out of a judgmental, presumptuous douche, not all of these rapist and perverts are what they are.
to be falsely accused of such crimes is disheartening.
to be freed from such accusations warrants all the thanks and prayers such people could muster.
i was one of these people. in a way...
nothing serious.
but still, i could relate.

fuck!

i don't know where i'm getting at with this...
i'm just saying, for somebody who aren't really perfect in the way he is living,
for somebody with a not so right moral compass,
with a flawed thinking,
tainted,
i don't really have the right to judge people so and so.
i am not the witness.
i am not the judge.
i am neither the plaintiff nor the defendant.
i am just a nosy random who have nothing better to do.
am i?
am i saying it's non of my business?
mestilah tak, kan?
i have the rights to act however i want or need i accord to whatever the outcome of it.
the truth.
and of course, i am one of the player of the act.
am i the victim or the culprit? do i have multiple role as both? who decides who to be which?
i don't know anymore...
i should just stop beating around the bushes with these, analogies.
i never even stepped in a court...

this conflicts me.
i can feel how she really loves me.
but yet, she seeks other guys attention.
am i not giving enough?
is she not grateful enough?
why can't she just push him aside?
why must she leads that guy around?
why must she drags her past with her?
why am i feeling burdened by all these?
is just me being jealous?
or is it just me being a coward?
should i do something about it?
or i'm just over-reacting?
should i burn them? burn her?
or burn myself?

even my thinking is conflicting.

"should i tell the guy off?"
"buat apa? ain cantik, mesti lah dia terpikat! kau pun mesti cuba nak cucuk jarum kalau jadi dia."
"but if i knew she is already in a relationship, i wouldn't. that dude clearly knows i am hers."
"ya! bakar!!!"
"relax... dealing with the consequences would be tiresome. besides, she clearly loves you. what to worry? just keep loving her."
"yakin? kalau betul dia sayangkan kau, kenapa dia masih lagi layan mamat tu? kenapa tak ketepikan je barang yang dia kasi. letak telefon tengah tengah malam, buang message dia."
"are you implying that she do like the attention the guy gives her? that she somehow, somewhat like him?"
"iye la! dia tak bagitau pun yang dia tunang orang. yet, dia just goes on in a relationship dengan kau. kenapa tak putuskan tunang je kalau dia betul betul nak kan kau?"
"that is just her... she isn't the kind of girl to just sweep away people without any hint of politeness. and the dude just misunderstand the good gesture. like you never have before. she is not you, sir simple straightarrow."
"polite? dia boleh suka hati ketepikan kau bila kau salah cakap. kenapa dia tak boleh ketepikan je mamat tu? atau memang dia nak buat kau backup kalau kalau lepas kahwin dengan tunang dia, tunang dia curang, dan mamat tu pulak backup kalau kalau kau yang lingkup. atau kau sama je taraf dengan mamat tu, dan kawan kawan lelaki dia yang lain."
"now you're just being pathetic... she did push him away. the dude just didn't get it. she could have pushed harder but let her do it herself."
"ingat senang senang je ke kau tetiba tidur satu malam dengan perempuan lain, cium peluk apa semua kalau perempuan tu tak pimpin kau sampai ke situ, sendiri ikut sampai ke situ?"
"and you think it's really easy to confess that you've barely cheated to your partner? note, barely. she remembers you and the thought of you is enough to make her defend her honor. she might be just stupid to think every guy is trustworthy but don't you think that she might have learned her lesson?"
"ingat kau rasional?"
"people make mistakes. hers wasn't really that bad. it's dumb, but not overly wrong. unless she do it again or did something particularly bad, then we'll make her pay. or leave her."

of course i'll try to rationalize.
but i couldn't rationalize the act of blaming myself.
heck!
i could blame her for putting herself in such position but i couldn't blame that girl for misleading me into such position too.
well. i did blame the dude too.
i swear if i ever knew who the guy is i would fucking burn his house and beat his mother.
knock him out cold and cut off his balls.
i personally think she is wrong.
some of her doings are just plain silly.
i just hope she will learn.

and if i am wrong,
if i am the silly one,
i hope i will learn.

why can't you just answer it straight?

"awak sayang saya tak?"

you want to be sure.
you want me to be sure.

i am sure.
are you?


i will love someone that i love, so much, it is borderline pathological and criminal, for i am jealous, i admit, but benefit of doubts, i give.
i will love someone, as is. no matter who she was, who she is. who she would, i expect it be in my love interest.
i will love someone indefinitely. even till death. either she or i. my love would last as long as my love could last.
i will love someone, wherever. distance in space, but not speech.
i will love someone, as one, with all of my trust, where it must be respected too, as one.
i will love someone with all i have. my heart, my pride, my treasure, my will. i would change, would give, would sacrifice, would compromise, but never tainting my honor, my bloods.

i will love someone,
but i can't love someone who don't love me...

I need a laptop...

I can't write here in my own style. I've refused to write with my phone because what I wrote was not mine but what the phone write. Damn this feels so unnatural. But still, I really need to put this out here. I can't stop missing her. I can't bear the moments where she couldn't answer my calls or messages. I feel crippled without her. I don't expect her to feel what I feel (well, she has social life.). I just wish I could have something to let me be with her. She doesn't even have to know I'm there...

Well. Creepy rant aside, being able to tag my current location is pretty nifty.

Fuck. I fucking hate writing posts on this thing.
Fuck this shit. I'll just write a proper one on my laptop then.
If I ever get to it.

never, ever,

put porn in your blog.
it attracts referrers and spambots.

i have to delete the only post with something vaguely porn-ish because the mental image of you holding a sign with porn and people masturbating to that sign, or worse, to you, really bothers me.

and how the fuck did screwed up the formatting of some of my old posts?!
shit! the inconsistencies bothers me like herpes!

for archiving purpose, the actual bits of the post,

EDIT 1/4/11:

yeah... about the promised post...

actually, i've been kinda lazy to update things. i don't know. just feel bored of all these typing and all.

or maybe because things haven't been exciting for quite a while. besides that i'm starting to learn to play guitar or felt how an earthquake would be like.

seems like something right? frankly, i just felt tired commenting everything that had happened in life.

most of them would just keep repeating itself. given enough time and lack of intervention.

i may be to be blamed for not doing something about them but i just don't find the motivation to do that something. for now, i don't find the needs to. or the wants to. or whatever.

hey!

i won't abandon you dia-chan. i'll just see you lesser than before.

just like everything has.

END OF EDIT


now back to my last-minute-study!
implying it matters...

you're a sick fuck, fink.

it's been bothering me so much, i can't take it anymore.
rationally, i should have talked about this with an actual human being.
talking to her comes first in my head but after that screw up i did to her (which i'll save for another time), and seeing how negatively she view the act itself, common sense dictate it's better to not to.
not with her.
especially her.
at least not now...

and the nature of the matter deems that no one else i could go to without being branded, verbally or literally.
yet i need to work this out before it affects my ability to focus on matter with more priority.


i miss crave having mine in her.
that feeling when her flesh wraps mine. firmly.
when my skin met her soft, smooth wrap. beautiful as her face and figure.
when my body pound her frame. petite but voluptuous.
when pounds cause frictions. those textures.
when frictions build lust. sinfully sweet.
when she moans. urging my manhood.
when she clenches. grasping my sanity.
when time flew as i go on and on and on and on and on.
when the excitement peaks. towering above all.
when my essence seeps. with the force of a thousand suns.
when the world means nothing. nothing but her.
when i want her. badly.

if her ass could bring these much pleasure, imagine how much her pussy could bring...

i crave her

i knew i shouldn't have done it.
i wouldn't if i knew i'll never going to get it for a long time.
but it doesn't matter now.
i have no regret.

there are time where i could force it on her.
force it into her...
but i can't bring myself to do it.
i can't even bring myself to think about it. much.
she would cry because of the pain, searing.
she would hate because of her honor, violated.
she would regret because of her trust, misplaced.

she would not love me anymore.
i could not bear the thought of it happening.

"realize this, she is so much more."
"her beauty are not for your lust alone."
"her beauty inspires and motivates. it forces you to move and make it worthwhile."
"her voice are not for satisfying your erotic fantasy."
"her voice could calm, comfort, cheer, remind, advice. it gives order to your chaos.
"her personality are not for you to exploit for satisfying perverted selfishness."
"her personality are stars, decorating your dull, grey, empty sky. it completes your life."
"remember that you love her."

i'll tell myself that.

to be content in the next episode

i tend to forget how greedy i could be at times.

and worse, i want more of the wrong things.
well, not the kind of wrong as in, bad things.
what i meant is, not focusing to be greedy on better things.
heck, i may want a totally different things instead.

the grass is greener on the other side
who wouldn't wish for a better lawn?
hujan emas di negeri orang, hujan batu di negeri sendiri, lebih baik negeri sendiri
apa bodoh? emas kot!

of course, not everything is grass and gold.


and speaking of  "better", i should appreciate the present more than worrying too much for a better future or wishing it could be better in the past.
at least the former has some benefits to it.

instead of being involved and interact more with what i have right now, i would waste my time wondering what i would do to be cool or pondering how it would be cool if i had done it.
heck, i could spend a whole day daydreaming about something i could never have, would never be, should never do, even if i tried for another lifetime.
jangan la cakap camtu. boleh kalau cuba.
boleh kalau aku nak sayap?

problem is all these happens only in my head.
i mean, those daydreams.
always have a problem grasping something abstract.
something not solid.
illusions.
and the pessimist in me would convince my self that all those are fantasies.
i felt deluded.

i could never be that good.
i could try. i would try.
sure, i don't have the talent to be one.
but i still could still feel a fraction of being the awesome guy.
i want to...

and don't get me started with "if i had done that...".
"if i had met her earlier,"
"if i had study harder,"
"if i had a billion dollar,"
"if i had wings,"

i think i've been doing that the most.
it's this that usually get me all depressed.
it's this that makes me want to travel through time.
all those second chances and second, second chances.
all those opportunities i have missed..
all those guilt i could have had forgiven...
all those regret....

at the end of the day, it just brings everything down to tasteless.
boring and plain uninteresting.
makes me want to forget.

but it's not all bad. not that bad at least.
most of these gave me motivations and drives to change.
well, they helped in starting out but just not enough to maintain them.
they helped me learn a bit of guitar,
a bit of swimming,
a bit of baking,
a bit of cooking potatoes and eggs,
a bit of good food,
a bit of gardening,
a bit of dancing,

a bit of life.


meh.
i'll do what i want!
who cares?

right?

sore loser

i might have been exaggerating that a bit.

but seriously, what the fuck?

i have a compulsory presentation the next morning,
it's 10 pm,
nothing done,

and i'm stalking a dude's blog.
fucking scrutinize every bit of his post,
looking in the comment section just for something,
anything that could give me a peek of her past story.
her story which have already been history.

the fact that i'm rummaging through her past isn't that disturbing (how i get to it is for later).
i'm literally viewing every post of both of his blogs.
no offense but reading entries of bahasa melayu poems is something i think only a sadist would do.
sure i'm a bit of a sadist but this is a WHOLE NEW LEVEL OF TORMENT.
it's a personal preference though. not that i have anything against anybody who actually love reading them.
thank god he used proper bahasa melayu and thanks to cryptic poetry, i could manage through them rather, uncaringly.

anyway,
he's alright.
atleast seems like it.
whatever happens back then with her is his to keep.
hell, if i hadn't do this little excursion into somebody's life, if i had met him while hiking or something, we could be friends.
he seems not the kind of guy that could be fun to hang around but if you're stuck with him somewhere with nothing else to fiddle with, he could be a good talk.
i mean, i could never ever bring myself to write poems for almost an entire 3 years with 6-7 poems per month average unless i was really into a roleplaying online game.
and he did that just by living his life!
i bet it would hurt my pessimist/semi-realist head but it could be an interesting experience.
i think.

haha
ain would totally kill me for judging this guy like this.


but it frightens me a bit.
actually, it saddens me, a bit.
they seem to have a pretty good time.
they had fun.
she had fun.
it's sad to think that she probably associate bad feelings with all that memories.


ain,
if you ever read this entry,
i don't what your take on what's yours,
i know it's non of my business,
but,
cherish everything.


and as for me,
okay, i may say i was frightened.
insecure.
both of them had many things in common.
somehow he screwed up somewhere along the way.
and i couldn't find his screw-ups.
i'm afraid it could happen-
i mean, what's stopping me from screwing up the same way as he had?

but then i realized,
sure in his time with her, they had their quirks.
and it looks like what i'm having now seems to follow the same pattern.
it took me a while to realize the same pattern may have different color.
not just color, what fabric the whole thing is on, the style, the order..
that bit of details change how the whole piece would look like.
so, about how he fare compared to me,

like i give a fuck who he is.
i get to have memories with her now. 



and knowing how he looks like makes me feel better!
fuck i'm a superficial douche...


talking about being a douche,
i've been a pretty big douche towards my family.
"takpe mak abang janji tahun ni abang balik."
tak balik pun...

i want to blame it on these 2 guys.
apparently, these 2 dumbasses is the cause that the surgery repeat exam have to be taken on 1st september.
good job you too!
you've just made two people missed their child even more.
they have to go through another hari raya without their eldest son for another year.

but really,
siapa suruh repeat???
buat elok-elok lepas ni.



meh,
dah plan nak amik cuti extra seminggu dah pun hari raya haji nanti.

look at the bright side, i'll get to take care of my own ginger beer!
and holidays before exams never did me good.

but shit still sucks!
i miss my family...
the only thing that makes me want to fall in with the plan is ain too, want to go back during eid al adha.
if she bailed on that,
she'll suffer...


anyway,
that's that,
back to doing assignment...

ergkh...

this ain't easy as it's supposed to be

and she's definitely not making this any easier!
fuck!

what's up with this sudden ex-boyfriend appearance?
i totally don't remember anything about signing up for any reality drama.

all i want is just a cute girl, totally in tune with my brainwave, hitching a ride on the same thought train, willing to take me as who i am, and ready to watch me growing up as a human being.

but now i'm dealing with a cute girl, in tune, same train (i didn't really mind from which airport she took her flight. well, i may be bothered a bit on how she spends the night at that airport but flights get delayed all the time, right?), accepting most part of me but maybe my crude sense of humor and my total unwillingness or lack of self will to abstain from perverseness, and somehow, dragging her past, expecting me wait for her to catch up.

i can wait but i strongly prefer not to.
i just hope she don't take too much effort with her trailing burden and maybe,
realize that all those loads are just
not
worth
it.


heck, even now, i've been caught up with her past already.
why am i moving out of my way, standing by, slowing my pace (truth to be told, it's more like, picking up speed)?
because i love her.
i love her


I love you, Ain.


i would be lying if i say i can't live without her but it would break me if i were to give her up.

when it comes to relationships,
i'm all for "no pressure".
i'm not going to force her to choose between her ex-boyfriend or me right there and then.
i trust her to just make the right choice on her own and focus on what's in it for the both of us ahead.
but circumstances foresee that pressure seems needed.

i mean, what's so hard with saying outright, "jangan kacau saya lagi boleh tak?".
heck, a restraining order seems like a good idea even!
don't want it to end up sour? add, "kita boleh je stay kawan, kan?".
why do you need to drag this out?
talk about anything with him. the weather? the sky? the bird? the plane? man of steel in 3d?
just don't talk about things like if he wants to wait for you till the end of time or how strongly he feels about you coming back to him.
why do you still carry on the conversation when he brings up about rekindling your long past romance?

tak fikir langsung ke tentang hati orang yang awak sayang sekarang?


and no, i won't tell him to back off or what not.
he didn't do anything wrong to me.
yet.
(profanities ahead!!!)

fuck i swear i just want to tie him up, beat him up good with a spiky silver 6-inches dildo, stuff the dildo in him, fuck your butt in front of him (tenderly, with love and lots of cherry-scented lube), then fuck his butt (with triple layers of condoms, washed clean of the lube, drenched in hate, spite and spit), then keep him around in an air-conditioned basement flooded with your period, we get married and i'll take your virginity right in from of him.
and maybe make him drink his tears mixed with my piss, then make him listen to a recording of me saying, "eat shit, dipshit!", while feeding him shit with his own shitty toothbrush.
then untie him, tidy him up a bit, brush off some dust,
and finally bid him fuck-off.

but of course that's barbaric and just plain rude.

things like these make my life shorter.

don't call me a fool

i love her

well, that's been awhile.

i can't (don't want to) remember how long it was since the last time i was actually in love and involved. i even didn't stumbled out names. thank god for that!

remember when i said, "follow the flow"? right now, i don't know if i want to let her go if things went downhill. frankly, i want to be the overly-attached-boyfriend if it means i won't have to lose her but i think there is an "ex" somewhere in there.
HAH!
of course there's no overly-attached-exboyfriend. it's either she's my girlfriend or she's in my basement.
too bad i don't have a basement to keep my previous failures in.

but seriously, i can't take my mind off her.
it's been so long since my ah fuck it! like it matters in anyway.
everytime i see her whether in skype or in classes or in front of her house or wherever i end up stalking her, i felt my head goes fuzzy and my heart throbbing.
her cute smiles cheer up my day.
her banters interest me in everyway.
her absence makes me anxious.
her jokes are weird but i still find them funny.
her arguments are worth looking into no matter how trivial they seem.
her eyes are always seem lazy.
her body is fucking sexy.
and her cooking are AWESOME.

i don't know if i want to think this as a casual fling anymore.
when she said her ex proposed to her, i felt afraid.
when she accidentally said someones name, i felt afraid.
when she goes talking to her many guyfriends, i felt afraid.
i know that's just how she is. it's just her past that she can't help but to keep them.
i know that she loves me.
i trust her.
i trust her.

but i just hate that feeling that she might betray that trust.
when i she jokes about her having another man somewhere else, it angers me.
when i thought she might still be considering her ex's proposal, it angers me.
when she ignores me in skype, it angers me.
when she talks to her guyfriends, it angers me.
fuck...

but even after all that, i still miss her.



damn i'm clingy...

okay...

this is weird.
we did somehow fucked.
if you count a quarter penetration.

we had fun! we had fun from the beginning of the trip till the very end.
we knew a lot about each other.
at least i knew something i her.
i think.

but still, i don't know if there's gonna be any real relationship.
it's like, she would rather die than having me as a husband. not that i'm seeing any possibility in it.
i mean, she couldn't even joke about it!

in the end, i think i've been somewhat friendzoned? something like, "stay friends with benefit".
she do want my company, my physical presence, our intimacy.
she just don't like the idea of us being together for real, for her lifetime, something serious.
personally, i'm okay with it.
she can do whatever she wants, as in, she wants to be friend with other guys? sure!
she wants to marry somebody else? don't forget to invite me.


well, fuck. to not make this sounds like condescending or passive-aggressive is hard.
i mean, i'm okay being a backup plan. it's not like i'm being drained of my money/time/energy for nothing.
since i'm sure this isn't going to be serious, there's no use in being jealous.
i just hate the thought of her meeting somebody better than me.
not like, "dia lagi baik/alim/soleh/kaya".
something like, bigger dick/better looks/taller.

 eh, it will go away, dat feel.

oh well, maybe i'm being rejected again, maybe i've just dodged a bullet/shackle.
whatever. as long she's happy and i'm not hurt all that much.
what? i still like her. just not the same kind of like as before.

I believe

i'm a total douche.
she actually really into me.
and very likely, so am i.
or am i?


uncertainties

mistrusts
doubts
insecurities


i'm pretty sure they have the same meaning, are they?
they do have some kind of a relation with a word.
relation...
relationship?

a word means one word, no?
they say one is a lonely number.
lonely...
loneliness?





fuck it!
i don't know what to write or even think anymore.
i don't even know how to make sense.
i'm just regret writing my last post.
well, not the whole post. just some points.

just saying i'm a insecure, jealous, dim-wit.
and it's either i'm lame at words and poetry or i'm just

i don't know...

i like her?

what is her deal?

well, i don't know what she is doing.

i don't know where or when to start. heck, i don't even know how did it start.
it's not particularly an infatuation or anything. eh, maybe it is. she has a cute face, sexy voice, and dat ass.
i admit it's not love. never meant to be serious. it never serious until it is.
i don't have something like having her in one of my family dream where i was playing with my dreamed daughter and she was peeking behind me, smiling at us, letting out a giggle or two.
though there were thoughts of having her by my side in a quite night, cuddling in a comfy blanket on a cozy sofa, watching the night cityline from somewhere up above in a penthouse.
we weren't doing anything particular. i don't think i even had a full boner, her in my arm.
we were just dozing off to some slow jazz from that old jukebox and the misty breeze seeping from the air conditioner.

in reality, we were having GREAT CHATS in facebook's little chatboxes.
yep. we don't even chat much in real life. not because i can't carry a conversation for shit (it's been a long way and still is but i do learn), we just didn't have the chance to. or she didn't want to.
skyping is kinda out of the question. she's just not really up to it. phones too cause i'm a cheapskate.

like i've said, i admit i don't think this as something serious. we were just fooling around. that's all.
or at least that's what i've been trying to convince myself.
yes. i'm jealous.
i was just there sitting at the front with the cats that have been torturing my cat for a whole night.
the sad little thing didn't even have a bite or maybe a peek out of his hiding hole at the bottom of a fridge.
fuck that bitch! (the cat, i mean.)
i was sitting there, being tired and drowsy, wondering if i will ever get home with intact feet, carrying the damn bag of shit sands with a flimsy, flea-ridden backpack.
and then i heard something somewhat soothing.
it was SUPPOSED to be.

what made me raged like a fucking bear being thrown out of it's homey cave from a long, needed hibernation in a middle of a blizzard instead of crooking a smile was,
the voice came out of somebody else's phone.
i could hear the excitement I wish to hear.
i could see the smile I wish to see.
i could feel the enthusiasm I wish to feel.
with her. out of her sweet mouth. in front of her eyes.
NOT FROM SOMEONE ELSE'S PHONE.
FUCK





fuck






i literally screamed internally.

being a pathetic sad fuck i am, i just,
"weh korang, aku balik dulu la."
the fucker stayed on the phone with her.
didn't even pause to say "ha" or "k" even though the door was just a feet away.

but then, what's her deal?
i don't know anymore what to expect out of this.
i dont know anymore what to think of this.
a fling? a scandal?
what, i'm a mistress now? a third wheel? that dumbass?
what's up with giving out free pies and treating me the nectar of gods (aka mango strawberry mix) and even paying to get me there?
what's up with putting up with all those dirty jokes?
what's up with inviting me and only me (or is it?), to go with her to places?
i wouldn't be surprised if she bailed out last minute or it was just an elaborate joke.
or she's just like that and thinks i'm ok enough to trust me with it.





thinking about it more makes me even more depressed.



fine, here's the thing:

• it's a fling.
• i'm jealous.
• i'm a moron.
• if that is going to happen, we're fucking.

now act appropriately.





edit:
i'm still a sucker.
meh. fuck it. just ride it.