you're a sick fuck, fink.

it's been bothering me so much, i can't take it anymore.
rationally, i should have talked about this with an actual human being.
talking to her comes first in my head but after that screw up i did to her (which i'll save for another time), and seeing how negatively she view the act itself, common sense dictate it's better to not to.
not with her.
especially her.
at least not now...

and the nature of the matter deems that no one else i could go to without being branded, verbally or literally.
yet i need to work this out before it affects my ability to focus on matter with more priority.


i miss crave having mine in her.
that feeling when her flesh wraps mine. firmly.
when my skin met her soft, smooth wrap. beautiful as her face and figure.
when my body pound her frame. petite but voluptuous.
when pounds cause frictions. those textures.
when frictions build lust. sinfully sweet.
when she moans. urging my manhood.
when she clenches. grasping my sanity.
when time flew as i go on and on and on and on and on.
when the excitement peaks. towering above all.
when my essence seeps. with the force of a thousand suns.
when the world means nothing. nothing but her.
when i want her. badly.

if her ass could bring these much pleasure, imagine how much her pussy could bring...

i crave her

i knew i shouldn't have done it.
i wouldn't if i knew i'll never going to get it for a long time.
but it doesn't matter now.
i have no regret.

there are time where i could force it on her.
force it into her...
but i can't bring myself to do it.
i can't even bring myself to think about it. much.
she would cry because of the pain, searing.
she would hate because of her honor, violated.
she would regret because of her trust, misplaced.

she would not love me anymore.
i could not bear the thought of it happening.

"realize this, she is so much more."
"her beauty are not for your lust alone."
"her beauty inspires and motivates. it forces you to move and make it worthwhile."
"her voice are not for satisfying your erotic fantasy."
"her voice could calm, comfort, cheer, remind, advice. it gives order to your chaos.
"her personality are not for you to exploit for satisfying perverted selfishness."
"her personality are stars, decorating your dull, grey, empty sky. it completes your life."
"remember that you love her."

i'll tell myself that.