i don't know if it's just me feeling lonely or just because i'm starting to get emo.
or worse, depressed.
i've been crying myself to sleep for a while now. no. none of those sobbing shit. just a sudden rush of urges to let the tears flow before facing the night, hoping for some good dreams or a break from the day.
no i don't have a crush on anyone right now. i do miss my family a lil bit more though but that's just normal.
oh well. i'll just go along with it for now.
and i should stop missing classes.
stupidcaffeine
kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh
kacau gain je
kacau gain je
twas a saddeth day
steve jobs died.
yes. another steve jobs post intehinternet olololol no.
weirdly, i do feel a sad that he died. not that i have some weird emotional connection with some old man. somehow, he reminds me of my granddads. both from my mom and dad.
they died of old age. i was just like, 6 when tokbak died and maybe 8 when it's embah lanang's time.
both suffered from old age. as a kid, being with grand dads were awesome. they have cool stories and things!
when tokbak was sick, i somewhat help mom take care of him. he was stuck in bed for almost the whole day. when it's time to go for the ustaz/doctor/bomoh/whatever for his treatments and meds, i always accompany him. i don't really mind sitting next to him with all his senility and old man smells. all those time, i felt pity for him. but of course, being a kid nothing was too deep. i don't know if i understood his situation, or just normal to feel that towards disabled people, or might be because of all those respect your elder things.
when he was really on his last breath, he called for my parents, bro and me. said something that i don't really remember and then he passed away. mom cried.
i don't understand a thing...
i don't get to be by embah lanang's side when he died. he died in his old, wooden kampung house that he lived with embah bedok. lol that house!
i still remember running up and down the stairs just to piss off everybody. when it's tea time, i would watch him drinking his tea from those saucer. i drank like that too.
to me, the way my embahs were living, it's kinda poor and sad. they were old. at night, they only have like, some orange kerosene lamps around. they bathed outdoor in a pond riddled with these few columns of tiny bubbles. was really terrified of that pond.
the stoves were those firewood stoves.
and there were so much space to run around! following my dad and embah lanang around the house picking up durian, getting all that ciku,starfruits, jack belimbing, nangka, manggis, climbing up pokok kelapa and RAMBUTAN (lol getting swarmed by kerengga was traumatizing).
i didn't know that was normal for a kampung life.
on raya mornings, they would give duit raya. i felt somewhat guilty accepting those. once, i tried to give them back... gah!
embah lanang was bedridden after a while. when mom said we were going back kampung in the middle of weekdays, i was happy to get some break from school. get to see my embahs early.
well, i only see lots of people being sad.
kesian embah bedok.
since then, whenever i watch scenes with a dying old men, my eyes get pearly and shit. lurking the internet, seeing jobs face testing his shitty products, promoting his icraps in conventions and then realized he died of cancer...
all i know embah and tokbak were suffering from old age. now that i've learned meds, i wonder what were those actually.
that was just about anything that is innocent. later on, i went to boarding school and all i want is making myself happy in the middle of nowhere among strangers.
yes. another steve jobs post intehinternet olololol no.
weirdly, i do feel a sad that he died. not that i have some weird emotional connection with some old man. somehow, he reminds me of my granddads. both from my mom and dad.
they died of old age. i was just like, 6 when tokbak died and maybe 8 when it's embah lanang's time.
both suffered from old age. as a kid, being with grand dads were awesome. they have cool stories and things!
when tokbak was sick, i somewhat help mom take care of him. he was stuck in bed for almost the whole day. when it's time to go for the ustaz/doctor/bomoh/whatever for his treatments and meds, i always accompany him. i don't really mind sitting next to him with all his senility and old man smells. all those time, i felt pity for him. but of course, being a kid nothing was too deep. i don't know if i understood his situation, or just normal to feel that towards disabled people, or might be because of all those respect your elder things.
when he was really on his last breath, he called for my parents, bro and me. said something that i don't really remember and then he passed away. mom cried.
i don't understand a thing...
i don't get to be by embah lanang's side when he died. he died in his old, wooden kampung house that he lived with embah bedok. lol that house!
i still remember running up and down the stairs just to piss off everybody. when it's tea time, i would watch him drinking his tea from those saucer. i drank like that too.
to me, the way my embahs were living, it's kinda poor and sad. they were old. at night, they only have like, some orange kerosene lamps around. they bathed outdoor in a pond riddled with these few columns of tiny bubbles. was really terrified of that pond.
the stoves were those firewood stoves.
and there were so much space to run around! following my dad and embah lanang around the house picking up durian, getting all that ciku,
i didn't know that was normal for a kampung life.
on raya mornings, they would give duit raya. i felt somewhat guilty accepting those. once, i tried to give them back... gah!
embah lanang was bedridden after a while. when mom said we were going back kampung in the middle of weekdays, i was happy to get some break from school. get to see my embahs early.
well, i only see lots of people being sad.
kesian embah bedok.
since then, whenever i watch scenes with a dying old men, my eyes get pearly and shit. lurking the internet, seeing jobs face testing his shitty products, promoting his icraps in conventions and then realized he died of cancer...
all i know embah and tokbak were suffering from old age. now that i've learned meds, i wonder what were those actually.
that was just about anything that is innocent. later on, i went to boarding school and all i want is making myself happy in the middle of nowhere among strangers.
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