don't smile!!...

now i can't stop thinking of you

i dont want much

i just want somebody cute to share things with

my train of thoughts

when i was a few years younger, do you know how much i’ve wish i could escape from this world, into another parallel world where places,

beautiful places that are still virgin from other human touches?

you have no idea.

i’ve always wanted to go to somewhere where there is always colorful stars and bright colors decorates the night sky and all.

as time goes by, it seems so naive.

i didn’t even consider the unknown danger that lurks. the uncertainties.

then it comes to mind that i haven’t even look at all of this earth.

fuck.

even my own neighborhood.

it makes me think, why all these urges?

things that i’ve discovered:

i want to be different

i want to get high

i somewhat, wanted to die

yeah... i admit they are all a little bit morbid or weirdly plain.

first point.

i have always hated getting comments like, "waa ko nampak cam artis ni la" , "muka ko macam dia la" , "aku jumpa kembar ko do".

and i also hate getting bundled up, being generalized as the rest of the groups of people around me.

i want to be unique. i don’t want to blend in.

but yet,

i don’t want to stand out.

i’ve wished i am invisible. but there is no fun in that.

i wish i am invincible.

or just that i wish i don't care.

second point.

i like shiny colors streak.

i’ve always liked a starry night sky.

but it was disappointing when i knew that all those colorful pictures of stars and galaxies in spaces were not really as colorful as i thought they were.

but the night sky is still beautiful.

i wish i can fly.

and no not really.

i don't want to die. life has so many things.

so many things i haven’t felt yet.

i haven’t had sex. haven’t kissed a girl. haven’t ride a big bike. haven’t get my first paycheck. haven’t jumped from a plane.

i haven’t done anything yet.

it’s so overwhelming, i wish i could have infinite time here.

but no. i can only wish.

not really interesting, but somehow irks me most of the time.
i tend to overanalyse situations. this complicates simple matter into unnecessary tangles.
yet, i haven't went through the one where i would just simply,
"i want a bike. this one looks cool! beli satu jom."
all the overthinkings would usually lead to obsession.
and add into the mix a tendencies of quick boredom, you'll get a hell lot of wasted time.
and i also tend to lock up during crucial times.
and notice the "and" after "and" after "and"?

too long didn't read, my head thinks short but picks up straddlers along the way.
not that i hate that but some part of it does annoy me.