i admit that i am one.
last night, we had a paintball session. capture the flag.
yeah it's all fun and messy but this one guy,
we already have bullets raining on him but yet, he still going after the flag.
he even consorted to "*raise up hands* mati! mati!" yet still frantically walking to our flag and grab it (he was supposed to be dead anyway coz that fucker just rushed towards our flag go all terminator wif our bullets). the ref is one stupid guy who don't know rules. quickly declared his team as the winner when he should run back to his base to claim the flag.
he just fukken jumping there like a girl yelling "menang! menang!".
guess what? i rained headshots on him till ref blew the whistle.
sweet revenge.
regretted it though because its just the second game and i've already emptied all my bullets on that fucker.
it pissed me off even more when he dare to brag about it from hardee's till way back home and i bet he'll be doing that tomorrow too. fine, no one of us has been really playing paintball ever anyway.
i wish mine were real bullets...
the facility sucks. weird, overlarge "protective" vest, lousy, blurry helm and sucky gun wif so little ammo. wtf?! did they expect me to save ammo, snipe people wif that sucky gun i had? screw u!
death is scary. so is loneliness
it has been 3 days that ive been having these, nightmare of being killed and then my souls been ripped from my body but hell no, i aint going anywhere but just stood there looking at my own blasted/hanging/mutilated body.
well, ure suppose to wake up at even the tinniest moment of fear/pain right? ok, maybe not the tinniest bit but wtf man?! ur like, fukken dead! i was supposed to wake up! but nope.
during my ghost moment, sumhow, i feel like i could walk around do things that i WANT to do. yeah. lucid dream. the dream of dreamers. but it is actually a nightmare.
yes i can control my body but the fact (in those dreams) that I AM DEAD was really bothering me.
ever watch the movie "Awake"? it feels like that except that the fact that u r already dead and u cant do anything about that. some might think like "Oh gawd cool! ill be the most badass poltergeist ever exist! damn world, u r wrong for leaving me stuck like this" but no. i can see those people in my dreams but i cant do anything to them. ill just go thru them like mist.
at that time, i feel like there is no purpose for me to linger in this world but why the fuck must i still exist here? yes i can see people fuck and all but because im dead, i dont have the means to do so right? its like, im stuck wif porn but have no chance of actually doing them and stuck fapping by myself till god knows how long. sucks eh?
and then i started thinking things like cant go hungry, cant get all sakit perut, wont age but dont have anyone to show it to. stay healthy but wif no pruductive things to do, HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD BUT DONT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO! I CAN STEAL BUT CANT USE THOSE THINGS I STOLE! I FEEL SO ANGRY BECAUSE I CANT DO THINGS NOT BECAUSE I CANT DO THEM BUT THERE IS JUST NO PURPOSE IN DOING SO!
i felt so angry and torn. all those hatred and anguish.
and then comes the worst part.
for being so useless and purposeless yet still exist like that, its normal for me or anyone to think of something to put a reason, albeit rational one in this case, into what am i doing here. but yet, none.
i tried to look for someone else like me but also to no avail.
confused, bewildered.
i cried.
i started to feel my tears and at that exact moment, i woke up.
oh my god. never feel so grateful for being alive. thank god. but woke up during like, 10 am. x subuh...
and that was on the first night. the same goes on on the second night and yesterday's.
normally, a repetition of an event would make it boring or u just feel like "oh that is so yesterday" but no.
well, ure suppose to wake up at even the tinniest moment of fear/pain right? ok, maybe not the tinniest bit but wtf man?! ur like, fukken dead! i was supposed to wake up! but nope.
during my ghost moment, sumhow, i feel like i could walk around do things that i WANT to do. yeah. lucid dream. the dream of dreamers. but it is actually a nightmare.
yes i can control my body but the fact (in those dreams) that I AM DEAD was really bothering me.
ever watch the movie "Awake"? it feels like that except that the fact that u r already dead and u cant do anything about that. some might think like "Oh gawd cool! ill be the most badass poltergeist ever exist! damn world, u r wrong for leaving me stuck like this" but no. i can see those people in my dreams but i cant do anything to them. ill just go thru them like mist.
at that time, i feel like there is no purpose for me to linger in this world but why the fuck must i still exist here? yes i can see people fuck and all but because im dead, i dont have the means to do so right? its like, im stuck wif porn but have no chance of actually doing them and stuck fapping by myself till god knows how long. sucks eh?
and then i started thinking things like cant go hungry, cant get all sakit perut, wont age but dont have anyone to show it to. stay healthy but wif no pruductive things to do, HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD BUT DONT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO! I CAN STEAL BUT CANT USE THOSE THINGS I STOLE! I FEEL SO ANGRY BECAUSE I CANT DO THINGS NOT BECAUSE I CANT DO THEM BUT THERE IS JUST NO PURPOSE IN DOING SO!
i felt so angry and torn. all those hatred and anguish.
and then comes the worst part.
for being so useless and purposeless yet still exist like that, its normal for me or anyone to think of something to put a reason, albeit rational one in this case, into what am i doing here. but yet, none.
i tried to look for someone else like me but also to no avail.
confused, bewildered.
i cried.
i started to feel my tears and at that exact moment, i woke up.
oh my god. never feel so grateful for being alive. thank god. but woke up during like, 10 am. x subuh...
and that was on the first night. the same goes on on the second night and yesterday's.
normally, a repetition of an event would make it boring or u just feel like "oh that is so yesterday" but no.
consuming hatred and evil masterplan...
truth is, from last november up till now, i've been skipping laptops because mine is busted.
imagine 8 months of sufferings i have to endure those dislikeness toward the guy who busted my 100h, the owner of the current laptop, and internet explorer.
try using google document to do assignments and viewing pdf, and can't use fucking anything but those inside the damned accessories folder.
he only allowed me 7zip (so he can unpack his emulator games), skype (lucky he also use it to v-chat with his family), and yahoo messenger (most of the time logged to his account).
and all those jaga hati moments.
oh god, the hatred.
but, as of next year we'll be moving out to different house, i've schemed a plan. change his password and lock him out of his own lappy.
as for the guy who busted my laps, he'll suffers another day.
haven't slept since last night. fuck with all these evil scheming.
and fuck the splel chcker for flailing. nao i cant maek my rants look hi class. :P
imagine 8 months of sufferings i have to endure those dislikeness toward the guy who busted my 100h, the owner of the current laptop, and internet explorer.
try using google document to do assignments and viewing pdf, and can't use fucking anything but those inside the damned accessories folder.
he only allowed me 7zip (so he can unpack his emulator games), skype (lucky he also use it to v-chat with his family), and yahoo messenger (most of the time logged to his account).
and all those jaga hati moments.
oh god, the hatred.
but, as of next year we'll be moving out to different house, i've schemed a plan. change his password and lock him out of his own lappy.
as for the guy who busted my laps, he'll suffers another day.
haven't slept since last night. fuck with all these evil scheming.
and fuck the splel chcker for flailing. nao i cant maek my rants look hi class. :P
A wasteful day...
oh, why me?
really should stop postponing errants.
did i care? no. too tedious la. must i care? hell yeah i have to!
skipped workout.
missed the appointment wif prof.
and the plan on wasting my day at the lib and buyin that sneakers i want?
yeah. those too.
*sigh*
RESOLUTE. RESOLUTE. RESOLUTE!
i wonder if i could survive for another year here...
fuck fathalla for selling me almost tasteless peach at an exorbitantly overcharged price.
and hope my homeys wont get a stomach ache tomorrow. if they did, tough luck. thats what u guys get for leaving me wif spoilt rice yesterday.
really should stop postponing errants.
did i care? no. too tedious la. must i care? hell yeah i have to!
skipped workout.
missed the appointment wif prof.
and the plan on wasting my day at the lib and buyin that sneakers i want?
yeah. those too.
*sigh*
RESOLUTE. RESOLUTE. RESOLUTE!
i wonder if i could survive for another year here...
fuck fathalla for selling me almost tasteless peach at an exorbitantly overcharged price.
and hope my homeys wont get a stomach ache tomorrow. if they did, tough luck. thats what u guys get for leaving me wif spoilt rice yesterday.
u make my temperature rise like, el nin- oh wait...
weird song... hot tho...
but seriously, today is so fukken hot, it makes me feel angry at EVERYTHING!
fukken summer always so random. especially the breezes.
and have no carbs to fill my stomach with. the damn rice was spoilt. like sampah je...
lucky the other dishes my homeys cook were tasty. ratah lauk. nasib.
and the tech market here sucks. sucks, TO TEH MAX!
lame mobo. no matx. only kingston, VALUE rams. seagate hdds. and it was like, there's only 1 4870X2 in the whole damn place. hello? where's the gtx285?
seems like my rig would have to be bought from kl.
AND DAMN U MALAYSIA'S GIGABYTE DISTRIBUTOR 4 NOT BRINGING IN THE GA-E7AUM-DS2H.
WHAT'S THE HELL WRONG WIF IT?
where the hell am i gonna get that. seriously don't wanna opt for just 9300. altho its just a temp rig but at least i would wanna hand it over to my lil bro wif pride.
and i seriously have to go see my prof for that freakin repeat fee.
don't wanna repeat year again... taubat.
too much free time makes me thinking about useless junks all the time.
maybe ill go to teh uber library to kill time and go shopping- no. that just feels wrong...
BUY that sneakers i've been eyeing last week. (yeah, now that sounds more manly)
oh man. macam kaya gila. just some "borrowed" money by the way.
but seriously, today is so fukken hot, it makes me feel angry at EVERYTHING!
fukken summer always so random. especially the breezes.
and have no carbs to fill my stomach with. the damn rice was spoilt. like sampah je...
lucky the other dishes my homeys cook were tasty. ratah lauk. nasib.
and the tech market here sucks. sucks, TO TEH MAX!
lame mobo. no matx. only kingston, VALUE rams. seagate hdds. and it was like, there's only 1 4870X2 in the whole damn place. hello? where's the gtx285?
seems like my rig would have to be bought from kl.
AND DAMN U MALAYSIA'S GIGABYTE DISTRIBUTOR 4 NOT BRINGING IN THE GA-E7AUM-DS2H.
WHAT'S THE HELL WRONG WIF IT?
where the hell am i gonna get that. seriously don't wanna opt for just 9300. altho its just a temp rig but at least i would wanna hand it over to my lil bro wif pride.
and i seriously have to go see my prof for that freakin repeat fee.
don't wanna repeat year again... taubat.
too much free time makes me thinking about useless junks all the time.
maybe ill go to teh uber library to kill time and go shopping- no. that just feels wrong...
BUY that sneakers i've been eyeing last week. (yeah, now that sounds more manly)
oh man. macam kaya gila. just some "borrowed" money by the way.
a new start? yeah right...
haha!
the heat already got into my head it seems.
wtf?! a blog?!
oh well, instead of stalking some emotionally faraway people, maybe it's better if i start making a blog.
besides, where must all the rants/complains/daydreaming go, eh?
all these procrastination are boring me anyway.
rants aside. in comes formality.
Hi everybody! Hi Blogspot! It is really nice to meet ya all!
=_="
the heat already got into my head it seems.
wtf?! a blog?!
oh well, instead of stalking some emotionally faraway people, maybe it's better if i start making a blog.
besides, where must all the rants/complains/daydreaming go, eh?
all these procrastination are boring me anyway.
rants aside. in comes formality.
Hi everybody! Hi Blogspot! It is really nice to meet ya all!
=_="
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