penat sangat
i don't know if i was tired, or bored, or just lazy.
or maybe... it's the fucking coffee!!!@111111
tea break!
right now, i feel empty and really lonely.
and i don't really care who filling it. i figure flying back to my family is the best thing i could do right now but what the hell. exams on 10.
i kind of hate myself for deciding to go for boarding school when i was 12.
i was/am so naive with people, i shouldn't had let go of my safety net right then.
i'm glad that i was able to manage but i now realized there were pretty lots of things i have been missing out.
then again, i'm not so sure about things that i could missed out.
well, this does make me realizes, i ought to appreciate the things currently going around me more instead of taking them for granted but then comes another dilemma.
to notice everything is so much hard work (to try would kill me. thinking about trying already makes me want to go to sleep and forget about things.) and to choose which is hard considering my tendency to not care.
maybe i'll just sleep.
btw diachan, i was also pretty bored.
until i realized i have you!
thank you diachan. love you.
and i don't really care who filling it. i figure flying back to my family is the best thing i could do right now but what the hell. exams on 10.
i kind of hate myself for deciding to go for boarding school when i was 12.
i was/am so naive with people, i shouldn't had let go of my safety net right then.
i'm glad that i was able to manage but i now realized there were pretty lots of things i have been missing out.
then again, i'm not so sure about things that i could missed out.
well, this does make me realizes, i ought to appreciate the things currently going around me more instead of taking them for granted but then comes another dilemma.
to notice everything is so much hard work (to try would kill me. thinking about trying already makes me want to go to sleep and forget about things.) and to choose which is hard considering my tendency to not care.
maybe i'll just sleep.
btw diachan, i was also pretty bored.
until i realized i have you!
thank you diachan. love you.
so be it.
2d characters motivate me to do my work out?
and here i thought working out will remind me that real,34d (lol wait... whats dimension is real life?), pretty girls are out there, everywhere.
whatever...
maybe i should just accept shits and make use of this for my study too.
and here i thought working out will remind me that real,
whatever...
maybe i should just accept shits and make use of this for my study too.
i'm hearing japanese everywhere!!!111
DAMN IT!!!
i'm turning back into that part-time otaku over the last 1 week holiday.
it reminds me of my carefree life during high school...
med school is hard. i don't know if i would ever get to you once i start working. if i ever get to it...
i'm turning back into that part-time otaku over the last 1 week holiday.
it reminds me of my carefree life during high school...
med school is hard. i don't know if i would ever get to you once i start working. if i ever get to it...
flowing rivers
i don't know if it's just me feeling lonely or just because i'm starting to get emo.
or worse, depressed.
i've been crying myself to sleep for a while now. no. none of those sobbing shit. just a sudden rush of urges to let the tears flow before facing the night, hoping for some good dreams or a break from the day.
no i don't have a crush on anyone right now. i do miss my family a lil bit more though but that's just normal.
oh well. i'll just go along with it for now.
and i should stop missing classes.
or worse, depressed.
i've been crying myself to sleep for a while now. no. none of those sobbing shit. just a sudden rush of urges to let the tears flow before facing the night, hoping for some good dreams or a break from the day.
no i don't have a crush on anyone right now. i do miss my family a lil bit more though but that's just normal.
oh well. i'll just go along with it for now.
and i should stop missing classes.
stupidcaffeine
kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh kopi bodoh
kacau gain je
kacau gain je
twas a saddeth day
steve jobs died.
yes. another steve jobs post intehinternet olololol no.
weirdly, i do feel a sad that he died. not that i have some weird emotional connection with some old man. somehow, he reminds me of my granddads. both from my mom and dad.
they died of old age. i was just like, 6 when tokbak died and maybe 8 when it's embah lanang's time.
both suffered from old age. as a kid, being with grand dads were awesome. they have cool stories and things!
when tokbak was sick, i somewhat help mom take care of him. he was stuck in bed for almost the whole day. when it's time to go for the ustaz/doctor/bomoh/whatever for his treatments and meds, i always accompany him. i don't really mind sitting next to him with all his senility and old man smells. all those time, i felt pity for him. but of course, being a kid nothing was too deep. i don't know if i understood his situation, or just normal to feel that towards disabled people, or might be because of all those respect your elder things.
when he was really on his last breath, he called for my parents, bro and me. said something that i don't really remember and then he passed away. mom cried.
i don't understand a thing...
i don't get to be by embah lanang's side when he died. he died in his old, wooden kampung house that he lived with embah bedok. lol that house!
i still remember running up and down the stairs just to piss off everybody. when it's tea time, i would watch him drinking his tea from those saucer. i drank like that too.
to me, the way my embahs were living, it's kinda poor and sad. they were old. at night, they only have like, some orange kerosene lamps around. they bathed outdoor in a pond riddled with these few columns of tiny bubbles. was really terrified of that pond.
the stoves were those firewood stoves.
and there were so much space to run around! following my dad and embah lanang around the house picking up durian, getting all that ciku,starfruits, jack belimbing, nangka, manggis, climbing up pokok kelapa and RAMBUTAN (lol getting swarmed by kerengga was traumatizing).
i didn't know that was normal for a kampung life.
on raya mornings, they would give duit raya. i felt somewhat guilty accepting those. once, i tried to give them back... gah!
embah lanang was bedridden after a while. when mom said we were going back kampung in the middle of weekdays, i was happy to get some break from school. get to see my embahs early.
well, i only see lots of people being sad.
kesian embah bedok.
since then, whenever i watch scenes with a dying old men, my eyes get pearly and shit. lurking the internet, seeing jobs face testing his shitty products, promoting his icraps in conventions and then realized he died of cancer...
all i know embah and tokbak were suffering from old age. now that i've learned meds, i wonder what were those actually.
that was just about anything that is innocent. later on, i went to boarding school and all i want is making myself happy in the middle of nowhere among strangers.
yes. another steve jobs post intehinternet olololol no.
weirdly, i do feel a sad that he died. not that i have some weird emotional connection with some old man. somehow, he reminds me of my granddads. both from my mom and dad.
they died of old age. i was just like, 6 when tokbak died and maybe 8 when it's embah lanang's time.
both suffered from old age. as a kid, being with grand dads were awesome. they have cool stories and things!
when tokbak was sick, i somewhat help mom take care of him. he was stuck in bed for almost the whole day. when it's time to go for the ustaz/doctor/bomoh/whatever for his treatments and meds, i always accompany him. i don't really mind sitting next to him with all his senility and old man smells. all those time, i felt pity for him. but of course, being a kid nothing was too deep. i don't know if i understood his situation, or just normal to feel that towards disabled people, or might be because of all those respect your elder things.
when he was really on his last breath, he called for my parents, bro and me. said something that i don't really remember and then he passed away. mom cried.
i don't understand a thing...
i don't get to be by embah lanang's side when he died. he died in his old, wooden kampung house that he lived with embah bedok. lol that house!
i still remember running up and down the stairs just to piss off everybody. when it's tea time, i would watch him drinking his tea from those saucer. i drank like that too.
to me, the way my embahs were living, it's kinda poor and sad. they were old. at night, they only have like, some orange kerosene lamps around. they bathed outdoor in a pond riddled with these few columns of tiny bubbles. was really terrified of that pond.
the stoves were those firewood stoves.
and there were so much space to run around! following my dad and embah lanang around the house picking up durian, getting all that ciku,
i didn't know that was normal for a kampung life.
on raya mornings, they would give duit raya. i felt somewhat guilty accepting those. once, i tried to give them back... gah!
embah lanang was bedridden after a while. when mom said we were going back kampung in the middle of weekdays, i was happy to get some break from school. get to see my embahs early.
well, i only see lots of people being sad.
kesian embah bedok.
since then, whenever i watch scenes with a dying old men, my eyes get pearly and shit. lurking the internet, seeing jobs face testing his shitty products, promoting his icraps in conventions and then realized he died of cancer...
all i know embah and tokbak were suffering from old age. now that i've learned meds, i wonder what were those actually.
that was just about anything that is innocent. later on, i went to boarding school and all i want is making myself happy in the middle of nowhere among strangers.
HELL-O diachan
it's been a while since i had post anything.
sometimes i wonder, what do i actually want? i've always been thinking either to get a quite life where i settle down with a long term girlfriend of some sort, or one full with impulsive decision plus no self control and one night stand (i know i'm capable of that. is that a cynical smile i saw there??), or a lone days where i travel a lot and have almost no care of the world. ok maybe not always alone, might catch a companion or 2 along the way but nothing permanent.
right now i'm all for a life of travel but who knows what i would want later, see?
but still, i don't really have the drive to go pack the backpack, buy a ticket to Johannesburg and look for ufos or whatever. all that seems like too, much, work.
i am a lazy arse i know. regardless, i've been setting aside money for some traveling equipment and for a sgs3.
and about traveling, no sightseeing landmarks isn't what's in my mind really. i'm looking toward like visiting the niagra falls, have a night or 2 in the yellowstone national park, hiking through the alps, walking inside the grand canyon, or something closer to home like re-climbing mount kinabalu.
now that is traveling.
well, maybe because im not really into history so things build by dead people but starry nights, thunderous water or looming mountains...
haih just thinking all that already makes me want to run off.
less likely, the second choice la. mom would kill me even if i chat away with 2 girls after another.
ya i know it screamed "afraid of commitment" all over the place but whatever.
sometimes i wonder, what do i actually want? i've always been thinking either to get a quite life where i settle down with a long term girlfriend of some sort, or one full with impulsive decision plus no self control and one night stand (i know i'm capable of that. is that a cynical smile i saw there??), or a lone days where i travel a lot and have almost no care of the world. ok maybe not always alone, might catch a companion or 2 along the way but nothing permanent.
right now i'm all for a life of travel but who knows what i would want later, see?
but still, i don't really have the drive to go pack the backpack, buy a ticket to Johannesburg and look for ufos or whatever. all that seems like too, much, work.
i am a lazy arse i know. regardless, i've been setting aside money for some traveling equipment and for a sgs3.
and about traveling, no sightseeing landmarks isn't what's in my mind really. i'm looking toward like visiting the niagra falls, have a night or 2 in the yellowstone national park, hiking through the alps, walking inside the grand canyon, or something closer to home like re-climbing mount kinabalu.
now that is traveling.
well, maybe because im not really into history so things build by dead people but starry nights, thunderous water or looming mountains...
haih just thinking all that already makes me want to run off.
less likely, the second choice la. mom would kill me even if i chat away with 2 girls after another.
ya i know it screamed "afraid of commitment" all over the place but whatever.
i am so mad...
so mad with myself right now, i feel like ripping my own gut.
but of course, i'm not going to do it for real. or even capable of it.
fuck.
if i passed that one,
you know what? nevermind.
FUCK ME
but of course, i'm not going to do it for real. or even capable of it.
fuck.
if i passed that one,
you know what? nevermind.
FUCK ME
pathology
suddenly, i wish i can do the exam again.
not because of marks. it's just that, i suddenly realized, if i can't answer those medisl questions, how am i going to have any semblance of a doctor? i would just be another doctor wannabe who leeches other peoples money.
also, those questions, although short and somewhat vague in describing patients' signs and symptoms, somehow intrigued my mind. they've made me open my meds books and search things in the internet just for the answer. and once i've answered them, or even one of them, it feels so satisfying.
and now, i cant help but sift through some of the questions and attempt them.
i know i'm still an idiot and kinda slow/lazy but now, i am motivated.
like, SO motivated.
that and 2 more exams. parasitology and behavior science.
and maybe another 4 repeat exams...
yeah. i don't sound too happy.
first is of course, all the repeats. damn, what the fuck was i'm doing? tak insaf insaf.
oh well. but for this exam i do have clues about what i'm writing on the answer sheets.
thanks, past year questions!
other 1 of the whys is, i'm not going back to malaysia.
yep. no gunung korbu for me this year. it's not like i am not looking forward for it. heck, i enjoy long flights. i enjoy sleeping in the cold during transits. i enjoy...
meh. there's nothing much in going back home except my family (which i'm sure gonna miss em. kinda. not really like, emotionally miss but i will miss being together with them for raya and puasa. and maybe for everything else... or everything... whatever)
i don't really have plans here in alex besides living through the summer heat and get back on my lifts.
yeah nothing much.
okay like always i forgot what i'm gonna write here so i'll just end this post with,
"lapar la..."
not because of marks. it's just that, i suddenly realized, if i can't answer those medisl questions, how am i going to have any semblance of a doctor? i would just be another doctor wannabe who leeches other peoples money.
also, those questions, although short and somewhat vague in describing patients' signs and symptoms, somehow intrigued my mind. they've made me open my meds books and search things in the internet just for the answer. and once i've answered them, or even one of them, it feels so satisfying.
and now, i cant help but sift through some of the questions and attempt them.
i know i'm still an idiot and kinda slow/lazy but now, i am motivated.
like, SO motivated.
that and 2 more exams. parasitology and behavior science.
and maybe another 4 repeat exams...
yeah. i don't sound too happy.
first is of course, all the repeats. damn, what the fuck was i'm doing? tak insaf insaf.
oh well. but for this exam i do have clues about what i'm writing on the answer sheets.
thanks, past year questions!
other 1 of the whys is, i'm not going back to malaysia.
yep. no gunung korbu for me this year. it's not like i am not looking forward for it. heck, i enjoy long flights. i enjoy sleeping in the cold during transits. i enjoy...
meh. there's nothing much in going back home except my family (which i'm sure gonna miss em. kinda. not really like, emotionally miss but i will miss being together with them for raya and puasa. and maybe for everything else... or everything... whatever)
i don't really have plans here in alex besides living through the summer heat and get back on my lifts.
yeah nothing much.
okay like always i forgot what i'm gonna write here so i'll just end this post with,
"lapar la..."
caffeine, how do they work?!
shut the fuck up. i've learned this thing but why am i in stupor and depression???
and racking up coffee doesn't seem to work really well...
and racking up coffee doesn't seem to work really well...
lol facebook
deactivating it seems like a useless move as my life doesn't really revolve around it.
the thing is, my life revolves around the whole internet itself!
fuck you gumby!!!
dah. berenti la buang masa. baca nota histo tu.
the thing is, my life revolves around the whole internet itself!
fuck you gumby!!!
dah. berenti la buang masa. baca nota histo tu.
girls can be cruel
yes i am generalizing because this happened for too many times already.
i don't even remember how many times in my whole 11 years (roughly starts after 12) i've been lamenting about this.
she would come at me being all interested. she'll hang around.
and being who i am, i would notice her. and when i'm totally into her, she would slowly back away.
then another one comes. if shit sucks, they'll come in pairs or three.
yes i do realize most of these was my fault really. (i've been thinking about this since my first crush. i'm not that dense)
i'm the shy fuck who gives attention at the wrong amount at the wrong time.
i'm the superficial jerk who only talks to the pretty girls and too impatient to actually know them well.
i'm the greedy bastard who can't make up his mind and tends to be self absorbed.
im the retard aspie who can't hold to a conversation long enough to actually qualify it as one.
and finally,
im the horny perv who has twisted and/or bad sense of humor and throws around creepy vibes all over.
anyway, my life has been quite the same.
and this is bad news
i'm still a lazy arse who are too carefree to realize that there's an exam tomorrow and the subsequent days for the whole week plus a presentation where the evaluating professor is already pre-pissed off.
even my music taste, i've hoarded all the mainstreams into my ipod without a single hipster guilt.
and radios. i've been on them like a moth over the night lamp. i don't know what would be inside its head but in mine, "malaysia malaysia malaysia".
yep. been homesick since 2 weeks ago. thank god summer hol is just around the corner albeit full of anxiety and stress inducing exams.
fuck this shit i need to study for histology this morning and for pharmacology presentation tomorrow.
remind me to post about my plateaued lifts and bouts of random memory loss.
i don't even remember how many times in my whole 11 years (roughly starts after 12) i've been lamenting about this.
she would come at me being all interested. she'll hang around.
and being who i am, i would notice her. and when i'm totally into her, she would slowly back away.
then another one comes. if shit sucks, they'll come in pairs or three.
yes i do realize most of these was my fault really. (i've been thinking about this since my first crush. i'm not that dense)
i'm the shy fuck who gives attention at the wrong amount at the wrong time.
i'm the superficial jerk who only talks to the pretty girls and too impatient to actually know them well.
i'm the greedy bastard who can't make up his mind and tends to be self absorbed.
im the retard aspie who can't hold to a conversation long enough to actually qualify it as one.
and finally,
im the horny perv who has twisted and/or bad sense of humor and throws around creepy vibes all over.
anyway, my life has been quite the same.
and this is bad news
i'm still a lazy arse who are too carefree to realize that there's an exam tomorrow and the subsequent days for the whole week plus a presentation where the evaluating professor is already pre-pissed off.
even my music taste, i've hoarded all the mainstreams into my ipod without a single hipster guilt.
and radios. i've been on them like a moth over the night lamp. i don't know what would be inside its head but in mine, "malaysia malaysia malaysia".
yep. been homesick since 2 weeks ago. thank god summer hol is just around the corner albeit full of anxiety and stress inducing exams.
fuck this shit i need to study for histology this morning and for pharmacology presentation tomorrow.
remind me to post about my plateaued lifts and bouts of random memory loss.
my train of thoughts
when i was a few years younger, do you know how much i’ve wish i could escape from this world, into another parallel world where places,beautiful places that are still virgin from other human touches?you have no idea.
i’ve always wanted to go to somewhere where there is always colorful stars and bright colors decorates the night sky and all.
as time goes by, it seems so naive.
i didn’t even consider the unknown danger that lurks. the uncertainties.then it comes to mind that i haven’t even look at all of this earth.fuck.even my own neighborhood.
it makes me think, why all these urges?things that i’ve discovered:i want to be differenti want to get highi somewhat, wanted to die
yeah... i admit they are all a little bit morbid or weirdly plain.
first point.i have always hated getting comments like, "waa ko nampak cam artis ni la" , "muka ko macam dia la" , "aku jumpa kembar ko do".and i also hate getting bundled up, being generalized as the rest of the groups of people around me.i want to be unique. i don’t want to blend in.but yet,i don’t want to stand out.i’ve wished i am invisible. but there is no fun in that.i wish i am invincible.or just that i wish i don't care.
second point.i like shiny colors streak.i’ve always liked a starry night sky.but it was disappointing when i knew that all those colorful pictures of stars and galaxies in spaces were not really as colorful as i thought they were.but the night sky is still beautiful.i wish i can fly.
and no not really.i don't want to die. life has so many things.so many things i haven’t felt yet.i haven’t had sex. haven’t kissed a girl. haven’t ride a big bike. haven’t get my first paycheck. haven’t jumped from a plane.i haven’t done anything yet.it’s so overwhelming, i wish i could have infinite time here.
but no. i can only wish.
not really interesting, but somehow irks me most of the time.
i tend to overanalyse situations. this complicates simple matter into unnecessary tangles.
yet, i haven't went through the one where i would just simply,
"i want a bike. this one looks cool! beli satu jom."
all the overthinkings would usually lead to obsession.
and add into the mix a tendencies of quick boredom, you'll get a hell lot of wasted time.
and i also tend to lock up during crucial times.
and notice the "and" after "and" after "and"?
too long didn't read, my head thinks short but picks up straddlers along the way.
not that i hate that but some part of it does annoy me.
why am i still dreaming?
even though i knew she wasn't that into me (me neither), i still look over online list for her name. i still steal glances in class. i still wait for her to be alone just to say hi.
oh well, it isn't like i have an actual gf right now anyway. she needs me for her ego, i need her for practice. win-win, no?
let's just pray i won't fall for her again.
and you know what? fuck computers. i'm going to save up money and buy a bike. and for license too la.
yep. that is my key to freedom.
all this while, i thought, walking around is enough, peeking the world through the internet is enough. but that is just it, am i going to walk for miles just to go to mamak? am i going to hear, see all those beautiful colors in places just through youtube and google image?
with a bike, i don't have to care about schedules. nak lepak? pegi je. tak yah nak call teksi. i don't need to answer annoying questions like, "pegi sana memalam ni buat ape?".
fuck i hate it when they ask that. aku punye pasal la!
and music. i'll start taking guitar lessons.
not because i'm going to impress anyone in particular.
it's just that, all my life i've been awed by all the soothing, energizing, exciting blend of sounds. i've been LISTENING to these for my whole life but i know deep inside, i wish i could conjure some of them myself, if not for someone else, it is for myself.
i'm all fired up right now but i don't know when will it start to dim.
maybe i'll just ask myself this when it does happen,
"why haven't i started yet?"
"why am i still dteaming?"
oh well, it isn't like i have an actual gf right now anyway. she needs me for her ego, i need her for practice. win-win, no?
let's just pray i won't fall for her again.
and you know what? fuck computers. i'm going to save up money and buy a bike. and for license too la.
yep. that is my key to freedom.
all this while, i thought, walking around is enough, peeking the world through the internet is enough. but that is just it, am i going to walk for miles just to go to mamak? am i going to hear, see all those beautiful colors in places just through youtube and google image?
with a bike, i don't have to care about schedules. nak lepak? pegi je. tak yah nak call teksi. i don't need to answer annoying questions like, "pegi sana memalam ni buat ape?".
fuck i hate it when they ask that. aku punye pasal la!
and music. i'll start taking guitar lessons.
not because i'm going to impress anyone in particular.
it's just that, all my life i've been awed by all the soothing, energizing, exciting blend of sounds. i've been LISTENING to these for my whole life but i know deep inside, i wish i could conjure some of them myself, if not for someone else, it is for myself.
i'm all fired up right now but i don't know when will it start to dim.
maybe i'll just ask myself this when it does happen,
"why haven't i started yet?"
"why am i still dteaming?"
Please shut the fuck up
That is me cursing me.
Yep. I seriously have to stop lying or risk having a complicated life full of unreasonable lies.
Fuck that. Even by being honest could do that.
I always have this idea going in my head that, "if i'm gonna lie, make it true then."
Managed to do that for all 22 years of living.
But i dont't know, fuck you pp. Aku tak tau ape ko nak tunjuk kat aku malam tu but seriously, the way these guys approach girls is way too crude for me to apprehend.
Tactless.
"Hi. Saya nak kenal, boleh?"
What the fuck!?
Fuck this shit but thanks to you guys, i've realized what exactly i've been doing to get my share of girls all these time.
ALWAYS PUT GIRLS AS SECONDARY OBJECTIVE.
Never as primary because i'll get all awkward and in the end, i'll just bail out of it and end up like a jerk.
Never lessen the priority of this objective as, i won't have the motivation to continue the current primary ones.
So they didn't approach me? Their loss.
I won't get any? Lots of girls that are actually interested enough to directly go to me and try to start a conversation. None? Not the right place/time then.
Either that is the right way to have a girl or i'm just not really cut it to follow however these guys do it.
I admit i'm not a smooth talker.
I think i've cured my nervousness around girls. That is including pretty girls. It just that, i don't really know what to know about a girl. Most of the things a female would be interested to share with me are boring anyway. And vice versa...
Gah enough of that. I just hate new things, that is all. Being single and a quite loner is confortable enough for me right now. To change that would means effort and i'm just too lazy for that right now.
Speaking about changes, FUCK YOU GUMBY!!!
Fuck with all the rebels and shit happened lately.
Damn la mubarak... Turun lambat sket boleh tak?
Here i thought i would have 3 months of time to do something about myself right now.
13 march? That is like, barely 1 month! You've ruined The Plan!!!
I don't know. I've planned many things for the presumed 3 months of breaks. Learn to ride a bike, hone my driving skillz (cewah!), have a guitar basic, and bulk up for the actual summer.
Yeah yeah i know i should have done them for my 18th birthday but hey, better late than never eh?
Haih... I've been taking life really easy for the past 12 years. Being a 22 without much mating-oriented skills really eating up my self esteem. Ok not really that much la but still, i really could do better.
Semua sebab malas nak berubah. Apa nak jadi ni? *in a wise grandpa tone. Or something like that. Whatever.*
Amik ko muhasabah diri sket.
Anyway, all the evacuation ordeal, they are not really that sucks. Hell! I might say, they are quite a nice experience too!
Sape tak suke? Makan free, xyah fikir banyak, xyah buat kerja, no lectures, classess, assignments, having good time with friends all day.
One thing though, being uncertain about things, especially life, really stressing me out.
Thank god i've already know when my classes gonna start.
No seriously, not knowing things is a major blunder. Specifically, things that already took efforts. Like, exam results and dates.
Makes me want to be a 12 ye-
upsr.... Fuck i had a shitty life ke?
Can i be that loner asian kid in a american highschool? Forever? *hint. Vampire, or werewolf, or whatever*
By the way, writing on the internet on a ipad is cool as hell. Too bad for the shitty safari. Can't scroll down? No spellcheck?!
Are you fucking shitting me?!
Yep. I seriously have to stop lying or risk having a complicated life full of unreasonable lies.
Fuck that. Even by being honest could do that.
I always have this idea going in my head that, "if i'm gonna lie, make it true then."
Managed to do that for all 22 years of living.
But i dont't know, fuck you pp. Aku tak tau ape ko nak tunjuk kat aku malam tu but seriously, the way these guys approach girls is way too crude for me to apprehend.
Tactless.
"Hi. Saya nak kenal, boleh?"
What the fuck!?
Fuck this shit but thanks to you guys, i've realized what exactly i've been doing to get my share of girls all these time.
ALWAYS PUT GIRLS AS SECONDARY OBJECTIVE.
Never as primary because i'll get all awkward and in the end, i'll just bail out of it and end up like a jerk.
Never lessen the priority of this objective as, i won't have the motivation to continue the current primary ones.
So they didn't approach me? Their loss.
I won't get any? Lots of girls that are actually interested enough to directly go to me and try to start a conversation. None? Not the right place/time then.
Either that is the right way to have a girl or i'm just not really cut it to follow however these guys do it.
I admit i'm not a smooth talker.
I think i've cured my nervousness around girls. That is including pretty girls. It just that, i don't really know what to know about a girl. Most of the things a female would be interested to share with me are boring anyway. And vice versa...
Gah enough of that. I just hate new things, that is all. Being single and a quite loner is confortable enough for me right now. To change that would means effort and i'm just too lazy for that right now.
Speaking about changes, FUCK YOU GUMBY!!!
Fuck with all the rebels and shit happened lately.
Damn la mubarak... Turun lambat sket boleh tak?
Here i thought i would have 3 months of time to do something about myself right now.
13 march? That is like, barely 1 month! You've ruined The Plan!!!
I don't know. I've planned many things for the presumed 3 months of breaks. Learn to ride a bike, hone my driving skillz (cewah!), have a guitar basic, and bulk up for the actual summer.
Yeah yeah i know i should have done them for my 18th birthday but hey, better late than never eh?
Haih... I've been taking life really easy for the past 12 years. Being a 22 without much mating-oriented skills really eating up my self esteem. Ok not really that much la but still, i really could do better.
Semua sebab malas nak berubah. Apa nak jadi ni? *in a wise grandpa tone. Or something like that. Whatever.*
Amik ko muhasabah diri sket.
Anyway, all the evacuation ordeal, they are not really that sucks. Hell! I might say, they are quite a nice experience too!
Sape tak suke? Makan free, xyah fikir banyak, xyah buat kerja, no lectures, classess, assignments, having good time with friends all day.
One thing though, being uncertain about things, especially life, really stressing me out.
Thank god i've already know when my classes gonna start.
No seriously, not knowing things is a major blunder. Specifically, things that already took efforts. Like, exam results and dates.
Makes me want to be a 12 ye-
upsr.... Fuck i had a shitty life ke?
Can i be that loner asian kid in a american highschool? Forever? *hint. Vampire, or werewolf, or whatever*
By the way, writing on the internet on a ipad is cool as hell. Too bad for the shitty safari. Can't scroll down? No spellcheck?!
Are you fucking shitting me?!
fucking world!
thanks for not being a forever jerk.
thanks for giving me back my internet.
thanks for letting me post craps and stuff here. AGAIN.
it was like, 5 days i've been cut out from the rest of the world.
the first 2 days, i was stuck with nothing but crappy games and isolation.
curfew from 2pm till 8am. shit you not.
then the rest of them, lan party like no tomorrow. (literally, it was like, we're not going to see any other place other than this crappy place.)
ok wait no really i don't actually care about these whole, being-stuck-in-a-unstable-country-apparently-having-a-riot-that-was-about-toppling-their-government-thingie.
it's just, i'm quite happy that i could see the rest of the world out there.
really glad that i can finally get to express thoughts in 4chan.
really glad that i can finally (tedious. i'm just going to use blah for this for the next- you know what, forget it. i'm not going to bother explaining shit.)
ask people about if whether i'm going to go back home, for free. (thank you government)
ok again, i don't really care about all this shit. i just want to get back to my old life. slacking around, don't have to care much about my self except for porn and stuff.
there was so many things i've going on in my head during those 5 days of crappy food and not having decent place to sleep. i don't really know where to start but seriously, i'm kinda glad that i had them. either i saw things differently or saw things i didn't even know they were there. i'll just go with the first thing that came around. let see...
suddenly, so many people cared about me. facebook, email, missed calls.
some few close friends i've had, relatives, those were expected. but suddenly some past 5 years distant acquaintances expressed their concern and all.
my thought? my interest in social interaction was renewed. i am looking forward to meeting new people. i don't really care about any ulterior motives. knowing that i am not alone really fires me up to meet new people. i wont openly embrace being a socialite but i won't curse life if i were to acquaint strangers.
then again, the world ain't all about me and my life. i thought i was somewhat special for being a student stuck in the middle of another country political upheaval.
guess what? i am just one of them students stuck in the middle of another country political upheaval.
i've look into other dwellings that i had frequented. no it's not about "oh please save them poor students in egypt!".
nope. they still talking about their usual porn and stuff.
oh well. my thought? even though i am kinda gifted with some things, i'm not that special. but this leads to something else! which is:
(somehow i loose it while looking at something else. i'll continue about this at some other time.)
i am begin to have a second thought whether pursuing a medical degree is the right choice. so many strange news about me having to restart my degree. what would that mean? second chance. and no. not in medicine. i've thought about taking business or account or even law. or maybe help my father manages all of his farms at kampung.
i don't know, as long as not medic.
well, that was the extreme. maybe doing medicine in malaysia isn't a bad thing either.
my thought? now, i believe that there is always a second chance for everything. screwed up big? it's ok. ada hikmah.
to be continued...
thanks for giving me back my internet.
thanks for letting me post craps and stuff here. AGAIN.
it was like, 5 days i've been cut out from the rest of the world.
the first 2 days, i was stuck with nothing but crappy games and isolation.
curfew from 2pm till 8am. shit you not.
then the rest of them, lan party like no tomorrow. (literally, it was like, we're not going to see any other place other than this crappy place.)
ok wait no really i don't actually care about these whole, being-stuck-in-a-unstable-country-apparently-having-a-riot-that-was-about-toppling-their-government-thingie.
it's just, i'm quite happy that i could see the rest of the world out there.
really glad that i can finally get to express thoughts in 4chan.
really glad that i can finally (tedious. i'm just going to use blah for this for the next- you know what, forget it. i'm not going to bother explaining shit.)
ask people about if whether i'm going to go back home, for free. (thank you government)
ok again, i don't really care about all this shit. i just want to get back to my old life. slacking around, don't have to care much about my self except for porn and stuff.
there was so many things i've going on in my head during those 5 days of crappy food and not having decent place to sleep. i don't really know where to start but seriously, i'm kinda glad that i had them. either i saw things differently or saw things i didn't even know they were there. i'll just go with the first thing that came around. let see...
suddenly, so many people cared about me. facebook, email, missed calls.
some few close friends i've had, relatives, those were expected. but suddenly some past 5 years distant acquaintances expressed their concern and all.
my thought? my interest in social interaction was renewed. i am looking forward to meeting new people. i don't really care about any ulterior motives. knowing that i am not alone really fires me up to meet new people. i wont openly embrace being a socialite but i won't curse life if i were to acquaint strangers.
then again, the world ain't all about me and my life. i thought i was somewhat special for being a student stuck in the middle of another country political upheaval.
guess what? i am just one of them students stuck in the middle of another country political upheaval.
i've look into other dwellings that i had frequented. no it's not about "oh please save them poor students in egypt!".
nope. they still talking about their usual porn and stuff.
oh well. my thought? even though i am kinda gifted with some things, i'm not that special. but this leads to something else! which is:
(somehow i loose it while looking at something else. i'll continue about this at some other time.)
i am begin to have a second thought whether pursuing a medical degree is the right choice. so many strange news about me having to restart my degree. what would that mean? second chance. and no. not in medicine. i've thought about taking business or account or even law. or maybe help my father manages all of his farms at kampung.
i don't know, as long as not medic.
well, that was the extreme. maybe doing medicine in malaysia isn't a bad thing either.
my thought? now, i believe that there is always a second chance for everything. screwed up big? it's ok. ada hikmah.
to be continued...
shits happen
a girl died today.
no. i don't know any bit about her except that the possibility that i might have met her and said,
"meh"
CO poisoning.
bloody hell? that thing don't kill you at the moment of contact for fuck sake.
it needs time to take effect on ALL the blood cells and then the brain.
i don't know how fast she died but from things i've heard, seems like she took 1 hour to go brain dead and dead.
kinda fast. that would means like, LOADS of CO.
faulty gas water heater. you would need a really faulty one and to not realize that in time would be like, what? (though she could have fainted from a fall or something but to fall and faint would means a lot of noise generated that could alert SOMEBODY. or maybe her house is THAT BIG that everyone's room is A MILE from each other or something. whatever.)
no i posted this out of a sudden not because i cared much.
electrical heater ftw! (inb4blownupheater. fuck. i could have faced death's fingers a couple of times from those electrical shocks i got switching off the mofo.)
it just that, shits happen.
and to think it was someone that was this close (haha yeah, some random girl being in the same year and was in 1 section before mine that i could have met her in person but just couldn't bother to remember is close enough.) to die just like that seems really REALLY intimidating.
ok not really. couldb't bother to suddenly relate myself to some random girl just because she died..
fact is, her house was just a few blocks from mine! less than a mile, a death happens! THE HORROR!!! O_O
and here i am, messing with things rather than study for tomorrow's exam while other people were at some places praying for her soul.
i would be surprised if there was anyone who would baca tahlil for me if i died.
heck, anyone knowing me dead would have been good enough already.
hell, it makes me wonder, how does it feel like, to die?
personally, i would say, "lucky her".
she died in her sleep. painless.
except maybe for the place. could have been better. (toilet? seriously?)
if someone else's freak accident could make me feel like this, i don't really want to imagine how would it feel to actually make someone die by any of my incompetence later if i managed to be a doctor.
and wow did she done miracles, exam got postpo-
what the fuck man?!... should have been more SENSITIVE about this.
al-fatihah to her anyway. or whatever.
no. i don't know any bit about her except that the possibility that i might have met her and said,
"meh"
CO poisoning.
bloody hell? that thing don't kill you at the moment of contact for fuck sake.
it needs time to take effect on ALL the blood cells and then the brain.
i don't know how fast she died but from things i've heard, seems like she took 1 hour to go brain dead and dead.
kinda fast. that would means like, LOADS of CO.
faulty gas water heater. you would need a really faulty one and to not realize that in time would be like, what? (though she could have fainted from a fall or something but to fall and faint would means a lot of noise generated that could alert SOMEBODY. or maybe her house is THAT BIG that everyone's room is A MILE from each other or something. whatever.)
no i posted this out of a sudden not because i cared much.
electrical heater ftw! (inb4blownupheater. fuck. i could have faced death's fingers a couple of times from those electrical shocks i got switching off the mofo.)
it just that, shits happen.
and to think it was someone that was this close (haha yeah, some random girl being in the same year and was in 1 section before mine that i could have met her in person but just couldn't bother to remember is close enough.) to die just like that seems really REALLY intimidating.
ok not really. couldb't bother to suddenly relate myself to some random girl just because she died..
fact is, her house was just a few blocks from mine! less than a mile, a death happens! THE HORROR!!! O_O
and here i am, messing with things rather than study for tomorrow's exam while other people were at some places praying for her soul.
i would be surprised if there was anyone who would baca tahlil for me if i died.
heck, anyone knowing me dead would have been good enough already.
hell, it makes me wonder, how does it feel like, to die?
personally, i would say, "lucky her".
she died in her sleep. painless.
except maybe for the place. could have been better. (toilet? seriously?)
if someone else's freak accident could make me feel like this, i don't really want to imagine how would it feel to actually make someone die by any of my incompetence later if i managed to be a doctor.
and wow did she done miracles, exam got postpo-
what the fuck man?!... should have been more SENSITIVE about this.
al-fatihah to her anyway. or whatever.
OBJECTION!!!
they say innocent until proven guilty.
how i wish that was true. well, at least in the courts when there are no dirty plays.
my life fact. the moment i am accused,i am guilty and evidence WILL be MADE for it.
some dude said i'm using maphack in games. they just look at replay, point out some random shit i did and there, i'm a maphacker. learn2mapawareness numbskulls.
someone came at me out of no where. "yo! bu-"
"kau tau tak menghampiri zina tu berdosa?"
what?
point out how i am suddenly a liltle friendly with some girl and there i am. ready to get stoned.
they came up invading my privacy. didn't even wake me up.
"aku rasa dia guna netcut. spotcheck computer dia jom."
hell yeah they just THOUGHT i'm cutting off their internet and suddenly search warrant granted.
doing my usual, jamming noises in my ear staring nowhere apparently.
pop out in front of me. 2 minutes later, "apa pandang-pandang?!"
restriction order. i've been served.
ok i admit i was guilty in some cases. never caught red handed but some people have the ability to bring a can full of red BULLSHIT, splat it on my hand with a brush of IGNORANCE and bam!
guilty court dismissed.
defense? either i am too cheapskate to pay a lawyer over some troubled asshats or situations just deemed any resistance is futile. the juries aka mobs around would just overrule any shred of truth, or lies, in my attempts with some retorts of proofs coming out of nowhere, it makes me feel like life has just went full retard.
the judge? they are the prosecutor. :/
fuck you people with your ridiculous, barely based accusations and prejudice.
how i wish that was true. well, at least in the courts when there are no dirty plays.
my life fact. the moment i am accused,i am guilty and evidence WILL be MADE for it.
some dude said i'm using maphack in games. they just look at replay, point out some random shit i did and there, i'm a maphacker. learn2mapawareness numbskulls.
someone came at me out of no where. "yo! bu-"
"kau tau tak menghampiri zina tu berdosa?"
what?
point out how i am suddenly a liltle friendly with some girl and there i am. ready to get stoned.
they came up invading my privacy. didn't even wake me up.
"aku rasa dia guna netcut. spotcheck computer dia jom."
hell yeah they just THOUGHT i'm cutting off their internet and suddenly search warrant granted.
doing my usual, jamming noises in my ear staring nowhere apparently.
pop out in front of me. 2 minutes later, "apa pandang-pandang?!"
restriction order. i've been served.
ok i admit i was guilty in some cases. never caught red handed but some people have the ability to bring a can full of red BULLSHIT, splat it on my hand with a brush of IGNORANCE and bam!
guilty court dismissed.
defense? either i am too cheapskate to pay a lawyer over some troubled asshats or situations just deemed any resistance is futile. the juries aka mobs around would just overrule any shred of truth, or lies, in my attempts with some retorts of proofs coming out of nowhere, it makes me feel like life has just went full retard.
the judge? they are the prosecutor. :/
fuck you people with your ridiculous, barely based accusations and prejudice.
macam tak
wait what?
i seriously have to stop falling head over heel just because of a girl.
i admit i do get clingy over some of the girls i've met. (yep. not even dating yet.)
hell, even stalking.
ok. not exactly stalking la. i don't actively stalk a girl. i just can't stop myself from looking at that cute girl i fell for whenever she's in my sight.
i don't know why. maybe it's just i have nothing much to do.
maybe i'm just some impulsive jerk that has almost no self control.
fuck this. i'm going to continue writing this post later when i am done self loathing.
have a fucking nice day.
8 jan:
fucking 1 more days to study anatomy.
hypothesis confirmed, i am a lazy arse with no self control.
i can't bring myself to resist any temptation.
be it girls or random pool of knowledge in the internet.
i can't even try to finish up 1 book of neuroanatomy without falling asleep to tiesto a couple times in the span of 5 hours.
hell!!! i could finish revise this shit within 6 hour if i can muster up the will to fight the urge.
"ala... kalau ada awek study skali mesti boleh kan?"
fuck you!!! you don't have any and you wouldn't get any for quite a long time numbskull!!!
god why am i being fitted into this pathetic, impulsive, lazy son of a bitch???!!
i could already dominate half of the internet and quarter of real life if i had some other more competent guy!! GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHAT DID I DO IN MY PAST THAT I'M BEING PUNISHED THIS WAY!!!!?????!!!!!1111111
"ok chill. i'll get to
STFU MOTHERFUCKER AND JUST READ THE BOO
i seriously have to stop falling head over heel just because of a girl.
i admit i do get clingy over some of the girls i've met. (yep. not even dating yet.)
hell, even stalking.
ok. not exactly stalking la. i don't actively stalk a girl. i just can't stop myself from looking at that cute girl i fell for whenever she's in my sight.
i don't know why. maybe it's just i have nothing much to do.
maybe i'm just some impulsive jerk that has almost no self control.
8 jan:
fucking 1 more days to study anatomy.
hypothesis confirmed, i am a lazy arse with no self control.
i can't bring myself to resist any temptation.
be it girls or random pool of knowledge in the internet.
i can't even try to finish up 1 book of neuroanatomy without falling asleep to tiesto a couple times in the span of 5 hours.
hell!!! i could finish revise this shit within 6 hour if i can muster up the will to fight the urge.
"ala... kalau ada awek study skali mesti boleh kan?"
fuck you!!! you don't have any and you wouldn't get any for quite a long time numbskull!!!
god why am i being fitted into this pathetic, impulsive, lazy son of a bitch???!!
i could already dominate half of the internet and quarter of real life if i had some other more competent guy!! GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHAT DID I DO IN MY PAST THAT I'M BEING PUNISHED THIS WAY!!!!?????!!!!!1111111
"ok chill. i'll get to
STFU MOTHERFUCKER AND JUST READ THE BOO
boleh tak?
as much as i hate having to deal with constant effort of holding on to a relationship, sometimes, i missed for someone cute to pester me with some of that emotional (and sexual) goodness.
like,
"i got my guitar!"
"look! new dress!"
"made cookies! sedap tak?"
ok i lied. the first one was from this:
first 25 seconds. FUCKING CUTE. you can ignore her minirants. i did.
it has been a while...
being in secondary school means most of those annoying gentlemen bullshit in dating doesn't really applied to me.
bored? stop layan the girl and she'll break up herself. and later somebody else would confess.
didn't get the message, i'll do it myself then. i can entertain a girl but not too long. too much work.
no i don't really regret not having enough of those good times. just missed them a bit sometimes.
life was really easy back then. and here i thought uni wouldn't be too different.
big mistake.
now i have to endure another 6 years (3 more to go if i STUDYLA BABI MICROB ESOK hard enough) of academic life without the slackness of lower education.
fuck my life.
wish i could just be some gram+ bacteria, form spores and lay dormant till i get the fun of killing some poor sud.
or turn back 16.
and i really need to save up money to buy that pocket vidcam. yes die-chan. you're going to my face soon (or later :P) .
like,
"i got my guitar!"
"look! new dress!"
"made cookies! sedap tak?"
ok i lied. the first one was from this:
first 25 seconds. FUCKING CUTE. you can ignore her minirants. i did.
it has been a while...
being in secondary school means most of those annoying gentlemen bullshit in dating doesn't really applied to me.
bored? stop layan the girl and she'll break up herself. and later somebody else would confess.
didn't get the message, i'll do it myself then. i can entertain a girl but not too long. too much work.
no i don't really regret not having enough of those good times. just missed them a bit sometimes.
life was really easy back then. and here i thought uni wouldn't be too different.
big mistake.
now i have to endure another 6 years (3 more to go if i STUDY
fuck my life.
wish i could just be some gram+ bacteria, form spores and lay dormant till i get the fun of killing some poor sud.
or turn back 16.
and i really need to save up money to buy that pocket vidcam. yes die-chan. you're going to my face soon (or later :P) .
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