why am i still dreaming?

even though i knew she wasn't that into me (me neither), i still look over online list for her name. i still steal glances in class. i still wait for her to be alone just to say hi.

oh well, it isn't like i have an actual gf right now anyway. she needs me for her ego, i need her for practice. win-win, no?
let's just pray i won't fall for her again.

and you know what? fuck computers. i'm going to save up money and buy a bike. and for license too la.
yep. that is my key to freedom.
all this while, i thought, walking around is enough, peeking the world through the internet is enough. but that is just it, am i going to walk for miles just to go to mamak? am i going to hear, see all those beautiful colors in places just through youtube and google image?
with a bike, i don't have to care about schedules. nak lepak? pegi je. tak yah nak call teksi. i don't need to answer annoying questions like, "pegi sana memalam ni buat ape?".
fuck i hate it when they ask that. aku punye pasal la!

and music. i'll start taking guitar lessons.
not because i'm going to impress anyone in particular.
it's just that, all my life i've been awed by all the soothing, energizing, exciting blend of sounds. i've been LISTENING to these for my whole life but i know deep inside, i wish i could conjure some of them myself, if not for someone else, it is for myself.

i'm all fired up right now but i don't know when will it start to dim.
maybe i'll just ask myself this when it does happen,
"why haven't i started yet?"

"why am i still dteaming?"