parenting

if i ever had a kid, i will never let them into any boarding school.
and i'll try not to take any job that involves too many moving.
and yes, i'll force that weather he/she like it or not. :P
sure it's being independent and all but at the cost of his/her childhood?
i don't know if it's just me who screwed up or i just can't seem to find any friends to go out everytime i had a holiday in those days. everyone is in the norths while i'm in my home in jb. i don't even get any tuition friends or things like that as going one would be redundant. mom and dad always said, "ikut peraturan sekolah, jangan buat hal. kita bukan orang senang". i was a conservative, law-abiding student.
i don't really blame everything on my parents' parenting. (they've been good to me for all my life and and my only comfort in times. thanks you guys!)
i'm actually blaming myself for being too lazy to socialize. it's just my luck that i had bad experiences with people.
i can't even hold any decent conversation. i can't express myself with anything (music, art, politic, religion, even scientific works). i can't seem to remember people's name for long unless i meet them every-damning-hour.
in the end, all i have are the tv, the internet, peoples' blogs,
peoples' life.

i've been rebellious with how i hate my birthday, how i don't want anyone to pick me up in the airport, how i always wanted to live all by myself, how i wear differently than everybody else,
because i couldn't properly have my childhood.
the one i had was before i was 12.
the rest are academic stress, peer torture, senior bullies and survival pressure.
me alive everything else is secondary.

maybe it's not too late.
i have almost nothing of the past.
i just hope entering medical field won't take out anything else from me.
(yet i'm sensing something would go wrong...)

i'm gonna be a bad daddy.