Dream Diary 1

Hi and welcome to my new dream diary series.

god. formal introduction sure is lame but it really sets up the mood.
since i always get weird, emotionally impacting dreams, i've decided to write them so someday when i'm bored, i can somewhat read them back and try to interpret/continue/whatever them back.

it's been a while since i dreamed this (like, 2 hours?) so don't expect to get detailed story and i'll try to be accurate (like you would know anyway :P)

it started with something depressing. i can't really remember what happened but i can vividly remember how i was feeling.
deep depression.
i was so depressed, i was quite irritable and angry and homicidal.
the dream skipped certain scenes aka fast forwarded.
then comes athirah. (yea! that is "the girl"'s name. oh ya... i forgot to write something about her. later.)
she was somewhat try to console me or something. i was abandoning my life.
she talked gently and it do feel comforting but my ego just couldn't rest, i emotionally resist her attempt.
she had gone fed up with me and start to use a little more aggressive methods. just a little.
can't really describe them because the dream was kinda skipping scenes.
she scold and i retaliate and shit gone messy and scene was fast forwarded a bit and for all i know, i had somewhat, killed her.
no. it's not exactly like i've killed her but i felt like i've done something to make her out of my life. i don't know either she had run away or just gone or dead but i really felt like, "fuck... i can't see her again ever huh?".
i felt guilty and the guilt was really heavy.
fuck. just remembering it makes my heart feels like falling.
after a little thinking about her, i felt this, urge, to see her and apologize but i know i will not get to see her ever again.
but somehow i felt like there is still a little hope that she would comes/revives back for me to see her and there was something like, a strong intent to tell her, "sorry...".

another downward spiral or depression and a little insanity here and there with some scene skipping.

then comes my lil sis, ika.
she tried to comfort me. just like what athirah had done.
again, my fucking ego won't let down and i resist stubbornly again.
except now, i felt my sis attempt was extremely annoying and irritating.
scene fast forwarded and same thing happened.
i felt like doing something really stupid like, killing/banishing/kicked out my own lil sis who wasn't even guilty in anything at all besides being concerned about me.
instead of having hope, i was in a total despair.
"bodoh... kenapa? kenapa? ika takkan balik lagi kan? ika. jangan pergi. sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysor..."

i might have gone insane on that time.

then enter athirah.
OH MY GOD
it was like, some one had thrown a really big rope and the rope wrapped me by itself and pulled me up from a endless hole of despair.
how i thanked her. how i apologized. how i regret everything.
so many emotions.
i hugged her and kept repeating "sorry" for more than 9000 while clenching something. i don't know what i was clenching as my hands were full or her and my mouth was bombarding her with so many "sorry" but it felt like i was clenching something. (and no. i didn't feel anything regarding her body and me having close physical contact with her boobs. try to accidentally kill somebody you loved and after a day of mourning and regretting, he/she comes back alive. you wouldn't think of anything irrelevant other than him/her and how guilty you've felt)

she kept saying "it's ok".
i mumbled continuously about what i've done to my sister.
she kept saying "it's ok".
i rambled insanely about how i've screwed up my whole life.
she kept saying "it's ok".

scene skipped and i was at a doorway.

it was like, i was waiting for someone with EXTREME excitement and anticipation.
the door opened and my heart jumped/leaped/thrusted upward/antigravitied.

it's ika!
she comes back!
she was smiling. a comforting one too.
"ika! abang resh mint-"



fucking alarm...




yea. most of my dream-tellings were always revolves around my emotion regarding what had happened.
that's what matter anyway. (and yes. i do notice the overusage of "felt" and some other minor details. my vocabs are THAT limited so stop complaining >.>)


on another unrelated note, i'm going to replace my desktop to a laptop.
damn, dad sure gonna be facepalming ME.