Schizophrenic

always wondered if i'm one.

i don't know...
reality perception is always subjective, no?

i do have problems with certain senses.
for example, food.
i don't really like eating durians.
they always taste, weird.
and i KNOW it wasn't about THAT kind of taste.
i mean, the physiological taste. not the psychological one.
ok. i'll explain.
durian taste weird. in a wicked kind of way. it taste like something so unnatural.
taste chemicals.
biohazard shit.
and i do know how the real one taste like. or atleast, how it should be.
i don't have problem with artificial flavorings though.
yep. that cheap-looking durian taste snacks. that's how i learnt how a durian supposed to taste like.
"No way. durian? jangan harap aku nak mak- *ummmf!!!! blea-*. macam sedap... NO SHIT.... LAIN GILE!!"
the same goes to prawn.
i also wouldn't mind if i born with these shit. thing is, it keeps changing!
no. the list still growing. RANDOMLY.
ok. that is just an exaggeration. right now it's only durian, longan, prawn and some shit i would never get my hands on anyway.
but it still fills me with great despair just thinking i wouldn't get to taste this same thing ever again.

ever listen to your collections of  musics and suddenly,
"hey, that sounds awful. why do i have this?"
after a little bit of bothersome, nagging nostalgic flashing back, you thought,
"wait. this song isn't supposed to sound like this..."
well, have you?
i have.
ok, you can always say, "oh, you just having a really bad memory, that's all."
then try this.
out of some really bad coincidence, this thing happened on one of my favorite tune. you know, the kind where you would listen to for 2 straight weeks without ever getting bored of it.
can't remember how many nights was it but the tune just made me go, "WHAT THE HELL?!!"
and now it made me wonder, does my voice has always sound like this?
i don't know how to prove this one.
can't recall the first time this weird shit affect my listening but it really made so want to have a music player that plays music right into my head and imprint those inside so-
thank god this one rarely happens. or if i forgot, thank god for that too.

and just now i realized it start to affect my smells. (to be frank, i think "-realized it DO affect-" sounds more like it. who knows?)
you walk through a hallway infested with catowners (and their cats and the litterboxes).
neighbors complained of the litter smells.
i smelled cheese. (parmesan to be exact.)
you enter a ward full of ill patients.
friends shut their nose complaining a whiff of pus odor.
me? i smelled nutella.

i do have the thought of checking this with a doctor but i don't know if i would be referred to a neurologist or a psychiatrist.
having a psychiatrist as a friend is always interesting and fun and all but having them as my doctor just make me shudder.

i just hope it doesn't affect my sight.

God. Please don't.