weddings

i don't know if we even have any chemistry between me and her.

and hell no. i'm NOT thinking about MY wedding.
maybe someday la.

watching vids of weddings makes me feel left out.
it's not about, "oh they are married at last fuck i should too"
no.
whenever i am in one, the atmosphere always gives out, cozy comfy feeling.
like what i would get whenever i'm in my room.
watching their videos of grandiose weddings, gives out an extra feeling of triumph that the fate of humankind is bright indeed.
like what their parents would feel.
watching someone's sister's wedding however, gives out a slightly altered version of coziness.
like what an outcast of a lions pride would feel as it watch the pride roam high, proud and strong.
watching weddings of people you once hated gives out an air of ease and forgiveness.
like... whatever.

or maybe it's all like being in the center of an eye of a hurricane.
wait...
it's like, watching someone else being dumped into the eye and observe as he/she awed at the beauty of the scenery and getting fucked up by nature's wrath later.

ok i admit i'm just jealous.
yes. i envy those who managed to get into that kind of happiness.
although i envied, i don't really wish for one.
i don't know. afraid of commitment. fear of rejection. lazing around, wasting time. lame excuses.